Chapter 39: Chapter 39 - Old memories
Lilith lowered the dagger to avoid Cassian’s plot. "I took it from the table because I don’t have one of my own. Here," she offered his dagger back.
Cassian’s gaze lingered on Lilith for a moment before dropping to the dagger. "You can keep it. Consider it another one of my gifts. Since I have gifted it to you, it would be wrong of you to try killing me with it."
"I thought you wanted to experience murder in exchange for a kiss," Lilith said, taking three steps away from Cassian as she spoke.
"That is not what I suggested. If you mark my body, it is only fair that I get to mark yours in return. You chose a dagger, whilst I chose my lips. I should make us even by marking you now," Cassian said, closing the gap Lilith had created.
"You may come closer if you want to experience me cutting off your lips and tongue. You are proving to be a man who has nothing but intimacy on his mind. I am going to continue my walk," Lilith said, turning away from Cassian.
"Have you ever had a lover?" The question came out of the blue from Lilith.
Silence fell upon the pair.
"I won’t judge you for it. All that happens before our wedding means nothing. I won’t get upset about your past, and I ask that you do the same about mine. Michael is already dead, and he is the only man I ever entertained," Lilith confessed.
"There were three before you. I didn’t have the time to engage in entertaining women. The first one was brought to me by relatives to make me a man, as they said," Cassian shared, watching as Lilith grimaced.
"Did they bring you a whore?" Lilith asked, her gaze making no secret of her judgement.
"I wouldn’t call her that. I didn’t bed her. She merely exposed her body to me," Cassian revealed.
"That is not a lover. From the sound of it, that was frightening a boy with a woman’s body to make him a man. Though I don’t believe it changes a boy other than making him restless. I meant lovers as women you cared for," Lilith clarified. "Do you have experience?"
"I have plenty of experience, Lilith. My tutors always said that I am better at showing than telling. Shall I prove it to you?"
"I think the men who brought that woman to you ruined you. If they come to the castle, do point them out. I fear they might give you awful advice. You should hold back until our wedding night, but those bastards have a tradition of watching."
Cassian’s eyes darkened as he remembered the Beaufort tradition of having the court witness the marriage be consummated.
They claimed to want to see that the bride was a virgin and that the first marital act was done correctly, but truly, it was an awful tradition meant solely for men watching a couple in their most vulnerable moment.
"That tradition died with your father. No one will be present in the bedchamber to watch us," Cassian promised, his hand itching to kill any man who proposed it.
"I say we rid ourselves of my father’s court entirely. The castle needs to be purged of our enemies and those loyal to my father. I don’t mind having a court with members who object at times, but they mustn’t be old servants of my father," Lilith said.
Lilith frowned as she thought of whether she could manage a wedding within a day, calm the nobles, and overturn many of the castle’s old traditions.
"I intended to do this alone, but it will be far too much work. I want the castle to return to its usual activities and change many of the old laws for the sake of the kingdom. We must work together," Lilith said, deciding to play nicely.
"If you want my help, you should ask nicely."
"I just did. You see, it is behaviour like this that will make you need to sleep with one eye open," said Lilith.
"I already intended to do so. To sleep with one eye open so I won’t miss a moment of your beauty," Cassian said, solely to unsettle her.
"I tend to stab men who disturb my sleep. It is a habit I am not ready to break, so I advise you not to watch me or be too close. I am used to sleeping alone, so I admit it will take some time to grow accustomed to your presence," Lilith confessed.
"You were pressed against my body last night-"
"I blame the poison and the fact that you took advantage of my weakness. Why did I end up here?" Lilith questioned, her steps slowing as she stumbled upon a familiar place she hadn’t visited in days.
Cassian looked ahead at the garden not far from them. With one glance, he already knew what horrible moment had transpired here. "We should go elsewhere," he suggested.
"No," Lilith replied softly. "I haven’t visited in a while, so I should go."
Lilith walked ahead of Cassian towards the garden. Memories that felt as though they had happened only yesterday filled her mind.
A lump formed in Lilith’s throat, and an old bruise which had long since healed began to ache again.
Lilith came to a stop at the entrance to the garden. This was as far as she had ever gone since she was a little girl. The air here somehow felt heavier and stiller than anywhere else in the castle grounds.
The garden itself was not ugly.
Flowers still grew along the stone path, and vines had crept up the old walls as though nature wished to cover what had happened here. But no amount of growth could soften what hung at the centre.
The rope, weathered and grey, was swaying in the cool air.
Lilith looked over her shoulder at Cassian. "I am not afraid of coming here. I’ve come to terms with what happened and healed from it. I come here to remind myself of why I take revenge on my family and why I crave the throne. I never want to forget."
Lilith turned her gaze forward, her eyes lifting slowly to the piece of rope the queen had ordered was never to be removed. The fibres had darkened with age, but it held on as it always had. "I’m never going to forget how they hanged my mother here," she whispered.
