Chapter 37: 37: Back To Square One
"Like what?" he coldly asked. He looked so much like Rowan at the moment that I wondered for a second if Violet had tricked me into thinking it was Soren.
But no. I wouldn’t mix them up. Even before I knew they were my fated mates, I had already been able to distinguish them. They were so different, even though they wore the same face. Even now, with Soren acting like Rowan, I could still tell them apart.
Soren’s eyes weren’t filled with the same passive indifference that Rowan had. Everything to the latter was calculated. He had perfectly mastered control. Soren, on the other hand, was too easy to crack apart. I could still see a conflicted expression tucked away beneath his mask. He was trying not to show it.
"Like... this," I said. I gripped his wrist tighter. Surprisingly, he didn’t shake me off immediately. My fingers tingled where I held Soren’s hand, and I wondered if he felt the same. "I thought things were different now, after what happened last night―"
"Nothing happened last night."
It felt like someone had shoved my head under the freezing waters of Antarctica.
"W-What..." I stammered.
My grip loosened for a second due to my shock, and Soren took it as an opportunity to tug his hand free. He didn’t even need much strength. Once he pulled away, he massaged his wrist, keeping his eyes trained on me.
"What are you saying?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "I thought― I thought we..."
"We are nothing," Soren coldly said. His words were like a slap to my face. It felt even worse than any sort of abuse or damage anyone else had ever inflicted on my body, physical or not. "What happened last night was a mistake. It will not happen again."
"No," I said, shaking my head. "You can’t just say that. What changed? What happened to make you―"
"What happened was that you forgot your place!" Soren suddenly roared.
His loud voice caused me to flinch a little, surprised at the sudden volume. My eyes were wide, and it wasn’t until I tasted salt on my lips that I realized I was crying.
Soren’s eyes flickered to my cheeks, and his eyebrows twitched a little. His façade cracked, but only for a moment. He steeled his expression once more and took a step back.
"Stay away from me," he warned.
"But we’re fated mates..." I muttered.
I didn’t know why I felt so broken inside, so much so that it had me pleading for him to love me. It didn’t even feel nearly as close with Rowan, and most certainly not Cassian.
They may not accept my official rejection to break the bond, but this felt like it. Only, the pain was stretched out into all these little moments, instead of being compiled into one painful swipe of the knife to break our red string of fate.
I suddenly felt empty. All the bravado that I had gathered about not wanting them as my fated mates had been shattered by just one night of passionate touches and romantic kisses. Soren had torn down my walls so quickly, and he practically celebrated on the rubble of my heart.
"Shadowclaw already has its Luna," Soren said. "It will never be you."
With that said, he turned and left the dining room, leaving me alone in its vast emptiness. My eyes trailed after him until he was gone, until his footsteps completely disappeared down the corridor, and I was left with silence.
Then, I collapsed onto the floor, crying my heart out, mourning for the wisp of hope I had before it got cruelly snuffed out.
***
"I think this set looks best, don’t you agree, Briar?"
I nodded without even looking. There wasn’t really a point to look.
For the last month, Violet revelled in torturing me. Only, every bit of abuse that she had dished out was mainly mental and emotional, rather than physical. She hardly needed to resort to hits and beatings, especially when she was already doing plenty to mess with my head.
Every night without fail, Violet would summon me to her chambers right after dinner. And every night without fail, she would have me pick out a set of lingerie for her to wear to service the Alphas.
I helped her buckle her bra just so that the Alphas — my fated mates — could unbuckle it. After selecting her outfit, she would make sure to rub it in before having me escort her to the Alphas’ bedrooms.
Sometimes it was just one, sometimes two, and there were times she spent the night with all three of them at once. But no matter what, she made sure I would always be situated outside the door, listening as they spent the night exploring each other’s bodies.
I could only stand outside and listen as my fated mates fucked another woman.
The next morning, I would also be the only one inside, cleaning the mess they’ve made.
Surprisingly, I never did feel much physical pain listening to their affairs. The sharp jab to my chest when they exchanged their vows had been unrivaled, and even now, nothing quite matched that sort of agony. Sometimes, there would be a subtle, dull throb in my chest. Other times, it might be a stifling feeling. But no matter what, it would never be enough to completely knock me out cold.
I didn’t understand why, but I also didn’t need to understand why. Understanding changed nothing. What I needed was to find a way to prove my innocence or find a way to escape this bond with the Alphas. Yet, in order to do the latter, I would first need a way to break my bond with the three of them.
"Briar? Briar! Are you even listening?!"
A sharp slap brought me out of my reverie, and I sat on the floor, my eyes wide. Violet’s claw-like nails had carved a line into my face, and my palm instinctively raised to cup the injury. When I pulled away, there was a bit of blood left on my palm.
I glared at Violet, and she met my gaze with equal amounts of hatred. Bending down, she grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at her.
"You should count yourself lucky I’ve had you placed so close to the Alphas," Violet snarled, glowering at me. "At least like this, you will be close to your fated mates and hear what it’s like to pleasure them, something you will never get to experience in this lifetime. Isn’t that wonderful?"
