No matter how fucked up I felt, time still moved fast.
Two weeks after the Korean Music Awards ended, the Seoul Music Record Awards took place—and, as expected, there was no miracle of an idol winning “Album of the Year.”
Still, we didn’t come back empty-handed. The Dawn received the “Best Song” award at least.
But to the fans, this whole sequence of events looked blatantly unfair.
[Corrupt motherfuckers.]
[What the hell is WH doing while their stock’s shooting up like that?]
[TT_TT Our award-winning artists worked so hard T_T!! It broke my heart seeing Hi-Five cry like that.]
[Third round of proof that the Korean Music Awards were rigged. The more you dig, the worse it gets lolol
└Rigged my ass, if their faves had won, they’d be calling it a fair ceremony LMAOOO
└└This time the officials really crossed a line though, that’s facts.
└└Sales were practically the same anyway.
└└Don’t post this shit on main, keep that whining on private.]
[I’m logging off for a while...... ah fuck, I’ve lost all faith in humanity. The proof’s right there and these idiots still can’t see past money.]
[Hi-Five deserved it^^ Congrats~]
After The Dawn failed to win the grand prize everyone had predicted, hashtags exploded across social media.
Of course, WH Entertainment stayed silent, as did the award organizers. As always.
But strangely enough, the situation wasn’t all ◈ Nоvеlіgһт ◈ (Continue reading) bad for The Dawn.
[The Dawn’s still ranked #1 in brand reputation lololol
└Seriously needs a reevaluation... LOOOOOLL Honestly, someone should audit every damn award show.]
[They’re climbing back onto the music charts T_T getting flooded with ad offers, our boys are amazing.]
The backlash united the fans tighter than ever, and suddenly old title tracks and B-sides were popping back up across the charts.
Seeing that, a faint prick of conscience stirred in me, but I forced myself to keep living as usual.
When the year-end rush passed and our schedules loosened, I pushed myself harder than ever in vocal and choreography practice.
“Oh! Seo Hoyun-ssi, you’re here again?”
“Ahaha.”
I brushed those comments off with a laugh.
The more idle time I had, the more useless thoughts crawled in—so it was better to keep busy, to meet people, to move.
But that didn’t last long.
The company, saying we’d worked hard all year, gave us four days off for Lunar New Year.
“Hey, you guys! I’m locking the practice room, so don’t even think about sneaking in!”
Our longtime manager pretended to scold us with mock severity.
It wasn’t a long break, but since everyone hadn’t seen their families for quite some time, Kim Sunghyun, Sung Jiwon, and Jung Dajun all decided to head home early this morning for the holiday.
“Sorry... I was thinking of staying with you guys, but my parents have been abroad, so I haven’t seen them in almost six months! I really should visit!!”
“Mm, it’s fine. I need to see Grandma anyway.”
“Yeah, my siblings have been nagging me to come home... though I think they just want my autograph more than me.”
Muttering dryly, Kim Sunghyun turned toward me and Kang Ichae, who hadn’t said a word.
“So, what about you two?”
It wasn’t like he’d dropped money on the floor, but Kang Ichae stared at the ground, saying nothing.
As for me—I didn’t want to face Seo Hojin with my current sharp-edged mood, but it was the holiday, so at least I should show my face.
“I’ll stop by home for a bit too. Let’s go together.”
It wasn’t like we had any big plans, but my little brother might want to spend the day with his only family.
“Then that leaves just Ichae-hyung. You’re really not coming with me?”
“Yeah, Kang Ichae. Or you can come to my place. My mom likes you more than me anyway.”
“Ah, or should I introduce you to my grandma?”
Lately, Kang Ichae had been unusually quiet. Knowing him well, the others tried to draw him out, concerned.
With his hands tucked in the front pocket of his hoodie, Kang Ichae smiled faintly and shook his head.
“I’m fine.”
“You won’t regret it? My parents would love to have you.”
“Just you saying that’s enough.”
The maknae, who always hated seeing Ichae spend holidays alone, puffed out his cheeks in protest and kept insisting. But Ichae only laughed.
Listening silently, I reached out and squeezed Jung Dajun’s cheeks.
“Why are you so clingy with Kang Ichae, Jung Dajun?”
“Ahk! I’m not clingy! Ugh....”
When I let go, Dajun rubbed his flushed face and glared at me, sulking.
“Hmph, whatever! I’m going! ...But Ichae-hyung, if you get bored, watch that movie I told you about! I’ve been pushing it for years and you still haven’t! I cried my eyes out because it reminded me of us!!”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll watch it.”
Kang Ichae ruffled Dajun’s messy platinum hair playfully. Even when Dajun squealed and slapped his hand away, he just chuckled.
Watching them, I stood up and called out to him.
“Kang Ichae, take care of the house.”
“What am I, a dog?”
Ignoring his grumbling, I left with the others.
Dragging a suitcase that looked twice his size, Dajun hopped into a taxi first and shouted cheerfully,
“Hyung!! Say hi to Hojin-hyung for me!!”
“Oh right! Tell him to call us sometime!”
“Should we send him some fruit or something?”
“Hey, enough already.”
After cutting them off cleanly and seeing them off, only the sound of the wind lingered. I looked up at the sky for a moment, then hailed a cab home.
By now, I moved through the familiar motions easily—passing the gate, taking the elevator, standing at the door, entering the passcode.
The latch clicked, and a burst of warm light greeted me.
“Ah—whoa!”
I’d assumed my brother would still be asleep, but there he was on the living room floor, surrounded by scattered photos and an open album.
“...What, what’s this? Why so sudden?”
“What are you doing?”
“...Uh...”
Seo Hojin hastily gathered the photos. A few loose ones fluttered from his hands, so he crammed them into the front of the album and tossed it aside before standing awkwardly.
“Hyung, uh. What brings you here?”
“It’s Lunar New Year.”
“...Ah, right!”
Scratching his head, he asked the most cliché question possible.
“Did, uh, did you eat tteokguk?”
“I had it on January first. You eat it again?”
“You could just say not yet. Honestly.”
Grumbling under his breath, Hojin went straight to the kitchen and started cooking.
It was a familiar sight.
Whenever I came home from work dead tired, he’d prepare food if he happened to still be awake, no matter how late it was.
Almost an obsession, I thought.
Because that’s exactly how I’d treated him.
I never let him skip meals. If he was upset, I made him eat more. If he looked weak, I forced him to have something hearty. If there was something to celebrate, I took him somewhere fancy.
It was a compulsive habit born from guilt—leaving my little brother with relatives who hadn’t fed him properly.
Now, he’d inherited that from me.
After quickly setting the table, Hojin stared until I sat down. I picked up a spoon and sipped the milky broth of the beef soup.
“It’s salty.”
“Wow. I cook for you and you complain right away.”
Muttering that it was because he’d reheated it from yesterday, he added water to the bowl himself and told me to just eat.
“So, why were you making a mess this morning?”
Stirring the watered-down soup, I set the spoon down.
“Oh... I was sorting the albums. I noticed again that all your pictures are missing. So I added new ones.”
“What new ones?”
“There are tons of your photos online.”
I stared at him in disbelief until he cleared his throat, embarrassed.
“A-anyway! I also heard the news.”
“What, that I got fucked over?”
“That tone, seriously.”
He chewed quietly for a while before speaking again.
“...You’ll get it next time. Don’t let it get you down.”
“Of course I will next time. No question.”
I said it as if it were already decided, and Hojin burst out laughing.
I’d already accepted it.
After all, I hadn’t even managed to uncover a clue for Kang Ichae’s scenario quest yet. What was another year, compared to everything so far?
Next time, I’d make it happen—no matter what it took.
“Sorry, but... I’ll have to stay one more year.”
“...Huh?”
“It won’t affect you. I promise.”
Hojin didn’t answer.
His eyes wavered, the corners of his mouth that had been turned up slowly drooping down.
He looked conflicted.
Normally, I’d smooth it over, tell him it was nothing, but seeing that expression made my chest tighten. The words came out before I realized.
“...Why aren’t you saying anything? Worried I can’t pull it off?”
“...No, that’s not it. Just...”
He lowered his gaze, biting his lip lightly.
“...I just wonder if you really have to go back.”
My eyebrows furrowed automatically.
Watching my face, Hojin hesitated, then continued.
“I know how much being a PD means to you, and that you want to return to your old life. But I...”
“But you what.”
“...I like it here.”
Setting his chopsticks down, Hojin looked straight at me.
“Before, you got hated a lot, you know? More than you deserved. The harder you worked, the worse it got. And I had to hide that I was your brother.”
“So?”
“Here, you still want that hidden—but you have everything now. Fans who love you endlessly, money so you never worry about living, members you can trust.”
He said it plainly, without a trace of hesitation.
“More than anything, you seem happier here. So I don’t want you to go back.”
I ran my hand down my face and forced out a dry laugh.
“Hey, Hojin. You’re still too young to get it, huh? If you’ve got money, you can be happy anywhere.”
“......”
I tried to brush it off lightly, but Hojin didn’t let it slide.
“...You don’t actually believe that.”
The unexpected comment left me silent. He exhaled sharply through his nose and picked up his chopsticks again.
“Forget it. Just eat. You’ve gotten skinny.”
“...Watch your tone with your brother?”
When I glared, Hojin scooted his chair back and muttered that the side dishes were lacking, saying he’d run out to buy eggs—and darted out the door.
I stared at the closed door, lifted my spoon, and took a few more bites of the now-bland soup before stopping. My appetite was gone.
“...Maybe I shouldn’t have come.”
I’d only wanted to see his face, but now I was irritated.
Rubbing my temples with my finger, I eventually stood and paced the living room. My foot bumped against something. Looking down, I saw the fallen photo album Hojin had set aside, its contents spilled across the floor.
Crouching, I picked up the top photo. It was from the S University festival—me and Hojin together. In it, I wore glittering stage makeup with crimson shadow and jewels, dressed in a flashy outfit, while Hojin, holding a rabbit mask, smiled brightly beside me.
I flipped through the rest.
As expected, every page looked as if I’d been cut out, my images completely removed.
A few pages later, I found Hojin’s high school graduation photo.
I wasn’t in that one either.
I still remembered standing there, my arm around him as he awkwardly held a mountain of flower bouquets.
...I really should’ve stayed at the dorm.
Closing the album, I leaned back and stared at the ceiling.
The conversation we’d just had replayed in my head on loop.
“More than anything, you seem happier here.”
I knew.
I’d suspected Hojin might feel that way. Every time I brought up going back, he’d hesitate, frown, and look vaguely displeased.
“So I don’t want you to go back.”
But what about the you over there?
I wanted to know what he would think.
