“I don’t know exactly what it is... but call it a gut feeling. I’ve done a lot of counseling for soldiers, so I’ve developed a sense for this kind of thing... Youngjun, it seems like there’s something you want to hide.”
Cold sweat ran down my back.
This was the man who had said my voice sounded familiar.
In other words—
‘He might realize I’m the one who sent that first-week radio broadcast...’
For a moment,
I wondered if he’d figured out the true identity I’d been hiding—
that I was a soldier who had crossed over from beyond that Wall.
Terror made my whole body tremble, but—
“When you were talking about why you’re helping us... you had a slightly sad expression on your face.”
“...?”
Maybe I should call it a relief.
It didn’t seem like that was what he was trying to talk about.
That aside—
a sad expression, he said.
‘Did I really look like that?’
At first I thought he’d just misunderstood something,
but when I thought it over—
‘Well, I guess it’s possible.’
Maybe I just hadn’t realized it,
and the emotions I’d been holding had leaked onto my face.
Which made sense, really.
‘The real reason I joined this expedition and am helping them is ultimately because of Mom and Dad.’
And after I realized that I’d gotten worked up after the incident with Howard,
I’d been taking [Calm-Emotion] dishes constantly.
As time went by,
I’d also picked up a few additional pieces of information.
Thanks to that,
with that calm mind, I’d ended up understanding it.
‘The probability my parents are alive is extremely low.’
I was pushing this expedition force forward quickly,
clinging to odds that weren’t even worth calling odds.
But the sadness from that thought must have slipped onto my face without me realizing it.
“Ah, don’t worry. I didn’t say that because I want you to tell me what that secret is. It’s just...”
Then,
Jo Jun smiled lightly and said,
“I just thought, ‘Even someone with a mind as strong as Youngjun’s can make that kind of sad expression, huh~.’ It was a bit surprising.”
Strong, he says.
‘Who, me?’
Sure,
if I really go all-out, my combat strength isn’t bad.
But while I was mentally going, “What the hell is he talking about,”
“Well, it’s not the first time I’ve seen a case like that with you.”
Jo Jun stared blankly off into space and said,
“General Jo... my grandfather was like that too.”
“...The General made an expression like that before?”
“Yes. It’s not exactly something you talk about lightly with other people, but...”
He seemed to hesitate for a moment,
then nodded and said,
“With you, I think it might be all right.”
“...?”
Come to think of it,
I’d heard that Jo Jun and Jo Beomseok were grandfather and grandson,
but I still didn’t really know what kind of relationship they actually had.
At most,
I’d just gotten the impression of a strict grandfather and a relatively weak-willed grandson.
“When I was young, I thought my grandfather was the strongest person in the world.”
Whatever he saw in my expression,
Jo Jun started talking about his past.
“Honestly, it kind of made sense, didn’t it? A soldier—that’s cool, right?”
“Well, when you’re a kid, it does look cool.”
“On top of that, my grandfather is incredibly strong-willed. I never once saw him get pushed back no matter who he went up against. Even at his age, he was still vigorous.”
Then,
thinking back on those times, Jo Jun let out a small laugh and said,
“You know how kids are. They brag like, ‘My dad’s job is this, my dad’s job is that~.’”
“Yeah, that’s a thing.”
“For me, my grandfather was that bragging target.”
And then,
the hint of a smile faded for a moment.
“I’ve seen that strong grandfather of mine cry exactly twice in my life.”
Twice, huh.
“The first time was the day he retired.”
“......”
“He had a pretty grand retirement ceremony, and we had a party as a family too. It wasn’t anything like a dishonorable discharge or anything, so it really was something to celebrate. But that morning... I got up because I needed the bathroom and went out into the living room.”
As he recalled that moment,
Jo Jun stared off into empty air.
“In the dark living room with the TV off... he was just sitting in a chair, staring out the window, crying.”
“......”
“It was the first time I realized my grandfather was someone who could cry.”
He shrugged his shoulders and said,
“Later, I found out. My grandfather had aimed for something higher than the way he ended up retiring... and in the end, that dream collapsed.”
At those words,
I recalled the conversation I’d had with Jo Beomseok not long ago.
– Looking back, my life’s mostly been like that. Things go well, then right at the end they get all tangled.
At the time,
when he’d said that, General Jo had worn a face like he was about to cry.
“He seems like someone with outstanding ability. How did it end up that way?”
“Well, you know the stories you hear all the time. School ties, where you’re from, that kind of thing.”
“Ah.”
“It’s a bit better these days, but back then a lot of things were decided by that stuff. At the final promotion review, at the very moment anyone could see he should have made it, it all just crumbled.”
After saying that,
he looked down at his own palm and said,
“After that, my dream changed to becoming a soldier.”
“...Sorry?”
From what I’d seen,
Jo Beomseok’s expectations of Jo Jun looked pretty high.
So of course I’d assumed that strict-looking grandfather had forced his grandson to become a soldier,
or something along those lines.
“To think something could make my grandfather—who was that incredible—cry like that... it kind of pissed me off, you know?”
“......”
“So as a kid, I got mad for no real reason and thought, ‘Then I’ll see that dream fulfilled in his stead! Since I’m trained by my grandfather, I’ll prove his ability was never lacking!’ That kind of thing.”
It seemed the first one to hold that dream
had actually been Jo Jun.
“And the second time.”
“Ah, this is the kind of story that’s way too common in the world these days, but... we were on a weekend family trip, and monsters suddenly attacked. My father and mother died then.”
“......”
It hit hard,
but like he said,
it was also a story that had become common in this world.
“He’s strict with me, but his relationship with my father was good. My father wasn’t a soldier, but he was pretty successful in his own field. Unlike his lacking grandson, he must have been a son he was proud of.”
“I see.”
“Yeah. I even had the thought, maybe it would have been better if the lacking grandson had died instead... that kind of thing.”
By the time I’d started wondering why he was suddenly telling me all this,
he looked at my face and said,
“From where I’m standing, you seem strong in a way that’s different from my grandfather, Youngjun.”
“...?”
“For someone like you to make the kind of face you did just now... it probably means something similar to what made my grandfather cry must have happened.”
The death of family.
His guess was so accurate it gave me chills.
“Like I said, I’m not saying this because I want to pry into that wound.”
But,
his words didn’t end there.
“After those two times I saw him cry, my grandfather was always gloomy. He didn’t show it openly, but as his grandson, I could see it.”
“Well, if something like that happens, anyone would be like that.”
“But you know something? Recently, there have been a lot of times when my grandfather seems to be in a good mood.”
“Sorry?”
When I frowned at that, confused,
Jo Jun jerked his chin toward a certain place.
“It’s thanks to those.”
What he pointed at
were the tanks and armored vehicles that were undergoing maintenance now that the battle was over.
“Even after retiring so unsatisfyingly, my grandfather still thinks of himself as a soldier. So what he wanted to recreate most was the proud image of the old army.”
Sure enough,
I’d seen Jo Beomseok lose himself in his own thoughts, staring down at those tanks.
“And I heard it was thanks to you that we could recreate that.”
Continuing his words, he let out a small laugh and said,
“Not only did you save my grandfather’s life, you even let him see a scene like that again. I couldn’t help thinking, ‘Is this even possible?’ I kept wondering where someone like you suddenly appeared from.”
“Ahem.”
“I mean, what are you? Some savior sent down from heaven just to help us? That kind of thought crossed my mind. That’s why I asked those questions earlier too. I was wondering what kind of person you are, to help us like this.”
“Savior, ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) huh...”
“Haha, I’m joking, joking.”
He stared up into empty air again and said,
“In any case, my grandfather has taken a lot of wounds, but thanks to you, it feels like some of those emotional wounds have started to heal.”
“Well, that’s something, at least.”
“Yeah. And seeing that, I realized something. The world we live in now is a world where people can’t help but get wounded... but it’s not a world where there’s no way to recover.”
Then he looked at me again and said,
“You’re an恩인—a benefactor—to me and my grandfather, Youngjun. I don’t know what exactly hurt you enough to make you wear that face earlier. But as someone who was greatly saved thanks to you, I’d like it if I could help somehow in the process of healing that wound.”
“......”
“Anyway, that’s the main point.”
Then,
with another light smile, Jo Jun said,
“I heard you’re on good terms with Northern Branch, but not officially affiliated, right? I just wanted you to know the doors of Southern Branch are open too, and someone like you would always be welcome.”
What the hell, what was with that build-up.
“Wait, that was a recruitment offer?”
“What else did you think it was?”
At that,
I let out a small laugh myself and answered,
“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll pass.”
“Why? If you clearly belonged somewhere, it would give you a sense of stability. Come join our group.”
How should I put it.
“I guess it’s just my personality. I’m not really the type who likes taking orders from anyone.”
I couldn’t exactly say, “I’m not allowed to join another guild,”
so that’s how I put it.
“Well, that is kind of true. You’re more the type who... Let’s see.”
“?”
“You seem much more like someone suited to lead an organization rather than belong to one.”
He gave a small smile,
then straightened up and said,
“In any case, I’m glad I got to know a bit more about you, Youngjun. It’s one of a leader’s jobs to get a read on strong people like you.”
So it was a recruitment offer,
and on top of that he’d been gathering information too.
“In any case, you really worked hard today. I’ll be counting on you for tomorrow’s operation as well.”
Saying that,
Jo Jun returned to his own duties.
As I watched his back, I thought,
‘He’s a good person.’
Even if it had ended on kind of a joking note,
it felt like some of the burden and anxiety that had piled up in my heart
had eased just a little.
*****
‘Thank goodness.’
And like that,
after parting ways with Shin Youngjun—
‘Someone like Shin Youngjun is a powerhouse worthy of caution, but... talking to him, he seems like a good person.’
the reason Jo Jun had approached him,
just like he himself had said,
was because for someone of that level of strength, it was his duty
both to get a read on them and to make a recruitment offer if possible.
‘It’s a shame he turned down the offer, but just knowing he’s not the kind of person who’d harm others is enough.’
After finishing all his tasks,
Jo Jun lay down on his bunk and thought to himself,
‘Anyway...’
Right before he fell asleep,
a hazy line of thought began to drift through his mind.
‘As I thought. I really have heard that voice somewhere before.’
He hadn’t said it out loud today, but—
that strange déjà vu he’d felt throughout their conversation.
‘Youngjun... did he say he was an end-of-service sergeant? So at least at the time of the Doom, he was a soldier too?’
And,
sometimes it happens.
‘A person who appears out of nowhere like a savior... I said “savior” as a joke, but he really has helped us that much.’
‘Especially the way Grandfather’s face has started to regain its vitality—that’s really a relief.’
‘When was the last time Grandfather was this happy? Aside from this time, I mean.’
‘Ah! There was something recently, actually.’
Something he hadn’t been able to recall no matter how hard he tried—
the moment he spaced out on his bunk and let his mind wander—
‘When he first listened to the radio the Legion sent out... he was this happy then too.’
He hadn’t been trying to think about that event in particular,
but it suddenly came to mind.
“...Huh?”
Just as he was about to fall into a deep sleep,
his brain suddenly began to spin at high speed.
