The Female Alpha You Can't Tame

Chapter 19: Chapter 19 Not meant to be

Once we start the ride with Deimos driving and Theia in the passenger seat while Cronus and I sit side by side at the backseat, I cannot have a proper conversation with Cronus as Deimos keeps looking at me through the rear- view mirror. Every time I speak or chuckle, he’s got his eyes on me despite Theia talking to him all the way. Trying to ignore the heat of your mate’s stare is one of the hardest things to do. Opening the widow to le some air in to chill my heated cheeks I try my hardest not to look at him.

Reaching the marketplace, I jump out the car. I cannot seem to control my excitement. It’s an open market buzzing with wolves and humans. The bright colors of the market entice me puling me closer to check the products sellers are selling. Cronus walks ahead angling his to me to follow him while Deimos and Theia quietly follow behind us. I swipe my hands on every materiel that is near to me, smell every type of food they are selling and see what people are buying.

Cronus chuckles behind me while Deimos looks at me fondly. Fondly? What?

"Looks like our Luna is enjoying this trip." Cronus says with a chuckle. As they three walk forward leaving me behind to take my time and enjoy, something grabs my attention. It is a simple necklace with a baby pink stone. I don’t know what it is but I like it.

I don’t notice that I am staring at it for a long time until the seller calls out to me, she is quite an old lady

"Do you want it?" She asks me.

"Yes, but I don’t know why I feel scared to buy it. I feel I am not yet ready to own it yet" I whisper to her. The necklace seems to call out to me. But before she could reply to me Cronus calls and I leave leaving that necklace one final longing look. Perhaps another time.

I go to where Cronus is and he seems to be picking up some scarfs and wants me to choose one for him. Picking up a purple scarf, sliding my fingertips across the soft material I reach up and cover his entire face with the scarf leaving only his eyes open to sight. He looks straight into my eyes while I look into his. His green eyes remind me so much of Deimos’s. Is this how it will feel to look into the eyes of your lover?

We keep doing so until we hear Deimos growl, his knuckles are white by how tight he is clutching his hands. They are shaking while his nostrils flare, he is taking deep breaths. He doesn’t like this.

"I-I like this one. It brings out your eyes." I say holding the scarf towards to Cronus and he buys it without hesitation.

Walking away I turn around to see Theia pulling Deimos by his sleeve asking him to buy her an ice cream as he pays for it. Such a simple action can put an arrow straight through my heart. I always imagined one day perhaps I would have that, to be spoiled by my mate like that. Why does this have to be my weakness? Why does he have to be my pain? My lips begin to wobble and tears brim my eyes.

Surprised by a sound, I turn to my left to see Cronus looking at them frowning and then he looks back to me. His eyes widen finally coming to a realization. Now he finally understands the relationship of Deimos, Theia and me. Now he finally understands that there is nothing between Deimos and me. That we are... nothing. I look at my feet, my hair covering my face suddenly wanting to cry.

"Stay right there, Luna. Don’t move an inch I need to get something quick." He leaves in a hurry while I wait for all of them three to gather where I am standing. Theia happily eats her ice cream smiling up at Deimos whereas I wait for her brother.

I finally see him running towards me in full speed and halts when he is in front of me, his chest heaving up and down breathless. Out of nowhere he puts a bouquet of flowers in front of my face. My eyes widen looking at the flowers and I look back up at him.

"This is for you, Luna. You are beautiful and so very kind. You have a good heart and any male that doesn’t see your worth doesn’t deserve you." He says this looking straight into Deimos’s eyes.

Taking the flowers in my hands smelling them a soft smile comes to my face. "Thank you, Cronus. This is my first-time receiving flowers from someone." Deimos’s eyes snaps to me.

"Your mate is very lucky to have a male like you." I tell Cronus gently.

"Luna I-" Cronus tries to say something but I cut him off.

"Come, let’s leave. It’s time to return." Walking back to the car without another word my heart feels stuffy. I just want to curl up and cry. Reality is often disappointing. You want love from a special someone but you receive it from someone else and the one you love... is in love with another I suppose.

The car ride back to the pack is very quiet, no one speaks a word. My eyes keep drooping on their own accord until I cannot keep them open anymore, until darkness consumes me. I don’t know when we arrived and I cannot seem to open my eyes even though I am being carried. My body engulfed in someone’s warmth.

My eyes feel tired but I do my best to open them just once and when I do I make contact with that of Deimos’s. The minute it happens my pain consumes me once more; lips wobble and tears brim my eyes.

"Put me down." I order Deimos, I want to run before he can see my weakness to him. I want to hide.

"We are almost there, mate." He replies not listening to what I said.

"Now!" I almost scream to him yet he pays no heed to my words. Slowly opening the door to my room, he finally let’s go off me. Not giving him another glance, I head to my balcony, I can’t breathe. I need her... I need nature. My hands are shaking as I hold the railings for support.

I feel him behind me in an instant as he puts his nose to my hair taking in a deep whiff.

"What happened mate? Weren’t you having fun?" He asks me gently. My eyes widen to his tone. He has talked this way to me for the first time. I keep quiet not saying a word. I am scared my dam will break free. I am scared to be vulnerable in front of him.

"Talk to me, mate." He tries to make me open up to him. After a short time of silence, I question him.

"Why her?" I ask him.

"What?" His eyebrows pulled in a frown; he doesn’t seem to understand.

"Why her and not the one you were blessed with? What are we? Strangers? Acquaintance? No... You touch me, so a sex partner? Wait, we haven’t had sex so a hook up?" I keep blabbering, talking to myself more than to him. Even saying these words aloud kills me, my dam breaks free tears flowing uncontrollably.

Grabbing my hand bringing me to his chest in a force he’s got me shaking. "Speak in a way I can understand, mate."

"Do you not see the pain you bring me, my male? Do you not see you are killing me?" Everything is blurry, I cannot see his expression.

"What do you want from me? How can I do and be something to you when even I cannot understand it, mate?" His voice is gentle pulling me in, he’s trying to console me. "I am trying, why can’t you see that?" He questions me further. A bitter laugh escapes my mouth, pulling my hand back I move away from him.

"Trying? You aren’t doing anything! You aren’t feeling anything! Your attention is elsewhere, I have nothing from you, nothing!" I scream it out to him, sobbing the sound of my voice growing with every word.

"I understand you are upset mate; I can accept that. But you will not raise your voice at me." The Alpha in him returning and the gentleness I could have a peek of gone.

"I cannot do this anymore." I whisper it to myself; my heart is breaking.

"What did you say?" He asks moving closer.

"Cronus said that the moon goddess made a mistake in pairing us-." Deimos stiffens to my words, hands shaking eyes widening trying to get closer to me as possible. But I keep moving away, creating distance between us. With a deep breath controlling my sobs and my tears I look straight into his eyes and say,

"Maybe he is right. Maybe you and me are not meant to be, my male."