The Eldritch Files

Chapter 5: Chapter 3: Just Want to Live

Han Su replied seriously: [Yes. The last time I escaped, I didn’t injure my eyes.]

[This time, I lost an eye, and my mind is now filled with new memories of all the inconveniences that come with being blind in one eye.]

[However, this life is, on the whole, more or less the same as the standard timeline I’ve personally lived through. I’m still a student at Qinggang University, and I have the same classmates and friends. It’s the timeline I’m most familiar with.]

[It’s in this timeline that you and I are most familiar with each other.]

[For example, I remember talking to you about this, and I remember you analyzing it for me from the perspective of Mysticism and giving me suggestions on how to solve the problem.]

After a moment, the Black Rose avatar replied: [Yes. Speaking as a Mysticism enthusiast, I believe that if you’re repeatedly being kidnapped and taken back to the past by monsters that don’t exist in reality, then there must be some kind of surreal logic that allows them to always locate you.]

[For example: a mysterious Curse Technique might have been cast on all of you when you were kidnapped together ten years ago.]

[You might be sacrifices, or perhaps experimental subjects chosen by the monsters. That’s not important. What’s important is that, in terms of your identity, you are all one.]

[So escaping by yourself is useless.]

[No matter how many years have passed since your escape, you are still one with them. As long as the other children are still in that Ancient Castle from ten years ago, the monsters can use their Mysterious Power to bring you back.]

[Mysterious Power is sometimes not bound by the constraints of time and space.]

[Based on this, I believe the only way for you to escape this nightmare is to bring all the children out. Every single one of them.]

[...]

The messages she sent filled Han Su with an indescribable sense of defeat. He clutched his phone, sitting motionless on the empty subway.

’Escaping that Dark Castle is easier said than done, isn’t it?’

’I was only able to escape in the beginning because the Ancient Castle was so dilapidated and the monsters were arrogant. A kid just had to be a little bold, slip into some nook or cranny, and they could get out.’

’But now, that Dark Castle is constantly repairing itself, and the loopholes I can exploit are becoming fewer and fewer.’

’Although the monsters don’t retain memories of my many returns, the longer this drags on, the more ferocious and easily angered they become. The children’s lives seem to be worth less and less to them.’

’If it weren’t for that strange door, even my own escape would have become an impossible feat by now.’

’What’s more, because the key keeps changing, I have to pick a new escape route every time, and on top of that, I have to bring along those dazed and terrified children?’

Just as he was pondering this, the Black Rose avatar suddenly flickered with a new message. Her tone seemed a bit strange: [Of course, I still maintain that you’ve simply gone insane.]

[After all, I’m an amateur Mysticism enthusiast, but a professional psychologist.]

[In my view, your timeline didn’t change and you didn’t lose an eye because you failed to save them this time. When the Public Security Bureau found you ten years ago, you had already lost an eye.]

[This *is* your life.]

[My proof is our chat history right here. You occasionally come to me to talk about the kidnapping, and you’ve mentioned how your experiences in the Ancient Castle cause your life to change.]

[But what’s the reality?]

[The ’you’ who chats with me every time has always been the disfigured one. There’s no distinction between a you with a broken leg, a whole you, and a you with one eye!]

At this point, she paused for a moment before the characters began to appear again: [As I see it, what more accurately fits your situation is simply that you escaped alone ten years ago, then gave the Public Security Bureau and the search and rescue teams the wrong kidnapping location, wasting precious rescue time.]

[The media at the time claimed you had sent over twenty children to their deaths with a childish lie. The Public Security Bureau questioned you repeatedly, and that, combined with the accusations from the victims’ families, caused you to develop severe psychological trauma.]

[So many years have passed. You seem normal on the surface, but your psychological issues have become increasingly severe. Until one day, you began to have delusions, believing you were being kidnapped and taken back to the past again.]

[In your delusions, you want to rescue the other children. This serves two purposes: first, to alleviate your guilt, and second, so someone can share this pressure with you.]

[And this, from a psychological standpoint, is why I still support your attempts to rescue the other children.]

[...]

"Is that how it is?"

Han Su looked at her reply. He knew what she was trying to persuade him of and had no intention of arguing. He even let out a wry, silent laugh.

’Ten years ago, when I told them I was kidnapped by monsters, no one—not the Public Security Bureau, not any of the experts, not the newspapers—believed me. Now that I’m talking about being kidnapped and taken back to the past, how could I expect anyone to believe me?’

’I’ve discussed this with her before. I didn’t expect her to believe me, but as a Mysticism enthusiast, she really can give me some advice that seems to make a lot of sense.’

’But if we got into the details, I could never win an argument against her.’

’For me, every time I’m taken back to the past, it’s a world-shattering change. But to the people around me, it’s as if I just dozed off for a bit.’

’Maybe everything I tell her just sounds like I took a nap, had a nightmare, and then came to her to spout some nonsense?’

’But what can I say?’

’The change really did happen. I can’t see out of my right eye anymore.’

’Even if these are all just grotesque dreams and fantasies, they’ve already started to seep into reality and twist my entire life.’

[Maybe you can keep insisting I’m insane. That doesn’t conflict with anything.]

Han Su thought as he typed, bit by bit, correcting the only point he cared about: [But I still want to tell you, I don’t feel any guilt toward the other kidnapped children.]

[We were kidnapped back then. Since I had a chance to escape, of course I was going to take it.]

[Whether the others could escape, or what kind of pain the victims’ families would feel—none of that has a damn thing to do with me.]

[...]

His words made Black Rose go silent for a long while before she replied: [But you didn’t seem so cold before. You were very focused on getting the other children out.]

Han Su answered: [That’s because a few of the children in there helped me.]

[They helped me, so I owe them. And if I have the chance, I’ll save them. That’s just my principle.]

[But I don’t feel guilty for wanting to live!]

[Only after I’ve guaranteed my own survival will I consider saving others. When it really comes down to it, I wouldn’t mind sacrificing someone to create an opportunity for myself and the other kids who have a chance to survive.]

[Right now, I just want to know: is rescuing all the other children really the only way I can break this curse?]

[...]

This time, Black Rose replied quickly: [We already discussed this question at the very beginning. From the perspective of Mysticism, there are only two ways for you to break this curse:]

[One is to kill all those monsters.]

[The other is to investigate and find out where these monsters came from and what the kidnapping was really about—to find clues at the source to solve the problem.]

[But you’ve already determined that both of those paths are dead ends, haven’t you?]

[...]

Han Su could only nod.

’Kill those unimaginable monsters in the Ancient Castle, things that simply shouldn’t exist in reality?’

It’s not that he hadn’t tried. Just during the escape a moment ago, he had even tried to stab the Pale monster in the heart.

’But unfortunately, it was impossible. I couldn’t even injure them, let alone kill them.’

’As for investigating where the monsters came from and what the kidnapping was really about? I’ve been investigating all along. I’ve even used different timelines to try and figure it out, but all it’s done is leave me more confused and clueless.’

’Perhaps the only hope left is to rescue those children, one by one?’

’After all, that’s the only thing I’ve ever succeeded at.’

’The second time I was kidnapped, I managed to rescue one of the other children along the way.’

’It’s just that things didn’t go as I’d expected. It wasn’t a case of the two of us escaping the Ancient Castle and facing the Public Security Bureau’s questions together.’

’The reality was, after I rescued that guy, he completely forgot about the whole thing. Or rather, society as a whole no longer remembered that he had ever been kidnapped.’

’Instead, he and I simply became friends.’

’There was indeed one less kidnapped child in the dungeon, and after that, the door that could appear anywhere came into being.’

’That door has become my only hope of escaping the Ancient Castle now.’

’This time, I’d hoped I could rescue another one of the children. Even just one would have been good. At least then I could see what other useful changes might occur in that hopeless Ancient Castle.’

’But it’s too difficult.’

’Rescuing that guy, Xu Ji, by chance seemed so simple. But when I specifically try to save a particular child, no matter how carefully I plan or how cautiously I act, I always fall short at the last moment.’

’If it’s this hard just to save one more, how could I possibly manage to rescue all of them?’

The helplessness and pressure in his heart were indescribable, and he couldn’t discuss such a problem that others would find impossible to understand. Han Su could only mull it over in silence.

But just as he was thinking this, the Black Rose avatar flickered again:

[Of course, as an amateur Mysticism expert, I also need to remind you of another important issue:]

[And that is, the interval between the times you’re kidnapped and taken back is getting shorter and shorter.]

[From once every six months at the beginning, to every three months, then to once a month, and now, to roughly once every half a month...]

[This perhaps indicates that the Spell cast on you all is growing stronger.]

[Sooner or later, that interval will become zero.]

[When that happens, forget about investigating the truth, forget about rescuing the other children, forget about different life choices. You won’t even have a ’now’ anymore...]

[...]