Chapter 93: Too Soft
Vivian’s POV
Vivian had been foolish, that much she knew.
Where it was that her stupidity had started though, she was not too sure.
Had it been when she had first had sex with Ryan Terrell, what felt like lifetimes ago in that bar restroom? Or was it when she had agreed to get into a no strings attached relationship with him?
Truly believing that she was capable of such a thing. The exact moment that her stupidity had begun, Vivian had no idea. But she did know without any doubt in her mind that she had been very dumb. What they had going was only supposed to be a physical thing and she had ruined it.
While she had been busy catching feelings for Ryan Terrell. Feelings that she had not even acknowledged at the time, Ryan had stayed true to their agreement.
And now, as she looked down at the only gifts that she had accepted from him, the red ruby necklace and the sea shell that he’d caught the sun in for her, Vivian felt like the biggest fool to ever walk the earth.
She should have agreed when he had been pursuing her that first time offering her money for her services. At least then she would have had a sizable amount of cash in her bank account. She could have at least been wiping away her tears with cash instead of tissue.
But thanks to her decision back then, she was still regular old Vivian Rose. A preschool teacher without extra zeros in the bank accounts that she had. All that she had gotten from sleeping with Ryan Terrell, apart from a broken heart, was a rock and a shell.
How was that even a fair exchange?!
Without meaning to, Vivian had given Ryan her heart, and he had trampled on it.
She had nothing of his in return, nothing substantial anyways. Even if she were to destroy the shell and toss the necklace, it would not hurt Ryan at all.
They were nothing to him, the little gifts that he had given her, just trinkets to the billionaire. He had probably even forgotten exactly what gifts he had given her.
***
Staring down helplessly at her gifts Vivian clutched them in her hands, and instead of throwing them across the room, she brought them to her chest, holding them gently.
As she did that, some of her anger faded.
All of the sex they had been having, and all of the hanging out that they had been doing might not have meant anything to Ryan, but to Vivian it had meant the world.
It did not seem worth it with all of the pain that she was currently going through. But she hoped that at some point in the future she would look back at her decisions and be fond of the person that she had been.
Making their intimacy transactional, would have ruined things for Vivian. It would have made the time that she had spent with Ryan nothing more than a business deal, and she would have been feeling even worse.
She could at least console herself with the fact that for a few weeks she’d had the time of her life fully believing that she was sleeping with someone who at least respected her enough to not only be upfront with what he wanted. But to also have her be the only woman that he was sleeping with at that time. She now knew it was a lie. But at least she had gotten to bask in the glory of that lie for a bit.
***
After holding the sea shell and the necklace to her chest for a little while, Vivian got to her feet and opened the drawer where she kept some of her more personal things.
After placing the two objects there, Vivian did not immediately close the drawer, instead she looked at the things inside.
They were an odd combination, an expensive red ruby necklace, a sea shell, a bright green dildo and a laminated drawing of a dick.
If a thief were to come in and open that particular drawer, they would probably steal the necklace and stare at the rest of the stuff in there with confusion on their faces.
’What kind of freak is this woman?’ Vivian pictured them thinking? And the thought made her smile for a little bit as she finally closed the drawer.
Someday she was going to have to reopen it and get rid of the things in there.
Whether she would throw away or donate the necklace, she had no idea. But the rest of the stuff, especially the dildo and the laminated dick drawing she knew she would have to burn.
Just thinking of damaging the objects like that made Vivian’s heart hurt, but it needed to be done.
She was already not proud of herself for prolonging what she and Ryan Terrell were doing.
She could not keep holding on to sentimental things. But even as she told herself that, Vivian knew that the moment where she would actually open the drawer again and get rid of everything was far off in the future.
It would have been better if she did everything as soon as possible, but she knew that she was not going to be doing that.
How could she get rid of the stuff quickly when she could not even bring herself to make a clean break between her and Ryan Terrell?
If she was going to continue sleeping with him for a little while longer, surely it could not hurt to hang on to the things that reminded her of him the most as well.
Looking out of her bedroom window, Vivian ignored the all-knowing whisper at the back of her mind that told her to stop lying to herself. She might have been able to hide the things that reminded her of him away. But even if she did find the strength to end things with Ryan soon, she would not be destroying a single object in that drawer.
Her soft heart would not allow her to erase the memories that they had made together so easily.
