Chapter 177: Panic
Vivian’s POV
After talking things out with Ryan, and convincing him not to interfere in her issue with the school. Vivian had not wanted to think about anything that required a lot of brain power for a little while.
Ryan had been completely in agreement with her. Normally the two of them would have filled their time up with sex. But instead of doing that, they had spent several long hours cursing Bryce out, insulting him all the way down to his pubic hairs.
Being able to talk about Bryce’s pruny, flea ridden nuts that not even maggots would eat had really done wonders for her mood.
But now under the light of the new day, Vivian was feeling down. Bryce had always told her that he would ruin her if she dared try to leave him. At first he had said it jokingly as he did many things. Then he had stopped disguising how serious he was being. By then Vivian had been too beaten down to register the threat.
Leave him? Where would she go? Who would want her? But by some miracle she had found the strength to leave him permanently. Not only that, she had found a good man who adored her. But now Bryce, awful man that he was, was making good on his promise to ruin her. Not only was he tearing into her, he had come for the thing that she valued a great deal... her career.
Thanks to him Vivian was going to have to defend her right to be a teacher in a few days time.
She loved her job, loved spending time with the kids and all of the dedication and effort that it took to be a teacher. But now thanks to her ex, it could all be ripped away from her. What was she going to do? What if they actually were just having this hearing for show? What if they had already decided that they were going to fire her?
Dropping the knife that she had been using to dice up some vegetables, Vivian brought her hand to her chest and began hitting herself there as she struggled to breathe.
She was going to lose everything!
Oh goodness! It was all going to be gone. All of her hard work! She would never see her kids again. There would be no more circle time, no more hugs, no sweet smiles and infectious laughter. She would not even get to say goodbye.
There would just be nothing and Vivian could not take that. What was she going to do?! She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t breathe... She ended up on the kitchen floor with her head between her knees as she struggled to get herself under control.
***
She was going to lose the kids. They would all hate her and think she was this horrible woman who had abandoned them.
Oh no. Her breath still refusing to come easy. Vivian raised her head and immediately lowered it as her world spun.
Get a grip, she told herself.
Ignoring her body’s signals she forced herself to rise. But it was all too much too soon. With the room spinning, and her breathing erratic, Vivian felt her legs begin to give out, but before she could go down, she suddenly found herself being held up by strong arms.
"Hey, hey, don’t panic. It is all right. Listen to me. Forget about everything else and just focus on matching my breathing,"
Ryan? ... Ryan was there.
Oh, Vivian had forgotten that he was in his study.
Following his instructions, she forced her mind to go blank, focusing only on the points where their bodies were connected. Copying him, she let herself breathe in, then out, in, then out. Slowly but surely, the world stopped spinning as she got herself under control. When she stopped feeling as though she were about to pass out at any moment. Vivian turned in Ryan’s hold and hugged him as tightly as she could. Loving it even more when her hug was returned.
***
With Ryan watching her patiently, Vivian gulped down the glass of juice that he had poured for her. After putting it down, she did not let it go. Instead, she held the glass in her hands, letting the coolness of it ground her.
"Are you feeling better now?" Ryan asked, and Vivian nodded.
"What was that back there?"
Vivian took a moment to herself before answering him. "What am I going to do, Ryan? That man is intent on ruining me, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it,"
Ryan opened his mouth to speak, but she carried on before he could say anything.
"I know that right now I am putting up a pretty good fight. Despite the damage that it has done, that porn video is already off the internet. There are fewer and fewer people paying attention to me, thanks to that celebrity scandal taking up most of their attention. But even with all of the things that are being done. I cannot help but feel that it is not enough," Realizing that she was gripping the glass tight she forced herself to loosen her hold before it shattered and cut her palms.
"I know that it is in my best interest to show up to my virtual hearing, trusting in myself. Yet I cannot help but doubt. What if those people look at me and all that they can see is the negative images that are currently circulating about me? What if I log into that hearing, freak out and immediately log myself out, accepting my fate without a fight?" Tapping at the glass, Vivian did not try to hide how helpless she felt when she looked over at Ryan.
"I feel like my mind is always on. Like I cannot switch off and I have no idea what to do to stop that before I crash," Her problems shared, she expected him to give her a detailed plan. Things like: first, we are going to keep looking for Bryce. Then we are going to find him and once we find him we will have him clear your name.
But instead of saying any of that, Ryan got to his feet and held out his hand to her. Putting the glass down, Vivian got to her feet as well, her palm sliding over his, and she looked at him expectantly.
"Have you ever tried boxing?" Ryan asked.
Comments