The Auction House Deal: Bought by A Billionaire

Chapter 167: Not Okay: Hannah

I hated the way I felt. The frustration toward myself felt as though it was mounting with every second.

I should have been used to the situation so it shouldn’t have been so upsetting, but I just couldn’t help it. Not only did I feel justified in all the paranoia I had felt, and a frustration toward those who had dismissed me, but just a looming dread that living in a state of fear and paranoia would be all I would ever know.

Was this really what my life was going to be? It certainly felt like it.

Roman and I spent the day together, and I was grateful for his company. I just wasn’t in the mood to talk.

What was there to say that we haven’t talked about a million times before? We would have the same conversations we had a hundred times before, comfort each other in the same ways, and resume the cuddling we were already doing.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t appreciative of him. I was. I just... I don’t know. I felt lost, sad, and deflated. I hoped that resting and spending time together would have solved it. However, when I awoke the next morning with the same feeling in the center of my chest, I knew something needed to be done about it. I just wasn’t sure Roman was the right person.

As we sat down at breakfast, I tried to distract myself with work for the charity. It quickly depressed me, though, not knowing when I would be able to resume work.

I hadn’t gotten up the nerve to ask Roman if he thought it would be okay for me to go back. And honestly, I wasn’t sure I was ready. I felt that I needed at least a few days to just get past what happened with the attempted kidnapping.

However, looking at the to-do list, I remembered Tara.

My eyes widened, remembering that my appointment was meant to be in just a couple hours. I was sure that she was going to go to the charity building.

My eyes panned over to Roman. "Would it be okay for my counselor to come here? She’s passed the background check with the staffing agency Rachel gave me."

"You have a counselor?" he asked.

His tone wasn’t judgmental, just surprised. I nodded.

"Of course, she can come here."

"Thank you," I breathed.

Pulling out my cell phone, I texted Tara and asked if she could do a home visit due to a change in plans. She almost immediately texted back and agreed, and asked for the address.

I sent it to her and let out a breath I didn’t realize I had been holding. Maybe talking to her was just what I needed. A third-party to totally dump all the hurt and confusion on.

My only hope was that we really could keep things separate, and that she could be my director. I guessed it would be a good way to vet if she was up for the job, working with women like Kristen... Like me.

Changing into something casual, but more appropriate than pajama shorts and a tank top, I paced about downstairs as I waited for her arrival. Roman had taken to working at the dining table, which I guessed was his way of keeping an eye on things as he awaited security detail to arrive.

Each minute felt like an hour as I awaited Tara. I was anxious, never having talked to a counselor before. Would I make a fool of myself? Would I be too much for her? Surely I couldn’t be, if she was so happily awaiting the job to begin with the organization.

When the knock came at the door, I jumped. With my heart pounding, I went to the door and peered out the window to make sure it was her. It was. Taking a calming breath, I opened the door.

She gave me a kind smile. "Good morning, Ms. Thaddeus."

"You can call me Hannah." I smiled weakly. "Come on in."

We moved through the mansion and to the library. It seemed like the most appropriate place, as it was quiet, set away from the dining room where Roman was, and had minimal furniture. She sat in an armchair, and I sat on the couch adjacent to her.

"You have a gorgeous home," she complimented.

"Thanks. Though, most of it was my husband Roman and his cousin, Lauren, who is into interior design. I don’t think I have much of an eye for it."

She nodded and pulled out a notepad. "So, where would you like to begin?"

I shifted in my seat. "I guess I could explain the change in location?" I suggested. Tara nodded and gestured for me to go on. "Well, yesterday evening... I got overwhelmed while at the charity building. When I stepped outside for air, someone tried to grab me. I-I’m okay, but because of the background of the human traffickers trying to get back at me, now Roman and I are back to lying low."

It was honestly impressive to see the lack of surprise on her face. She held a professional expression and just nodded, jotting it down. "What has your emotional state been like since?"

"Surprisingly... calm? I mean, I cried a couple of times but I guess, for the most part, I’ve just shut down. It feels almost normal, as bad as that sounds. That I shouldn’t make a big fuss about it. We’ve been through scares like this too many times."

"Have you talked to your husband about these feelings?" she asked.

"Not really. Why bother him? Why have the same talks we’ve had time and time again?"

She jotted more things down. "Has he tried to talk to you about it?"

I shook my head. "No. I think he’s trying to give me space to process. I know I can talk to him if I need or want to. It’s not like he isn’t willing to."

"And why is it you feel it isn’t worth talking about? Just because it’s happened before?"

I bit my lip. "Well, that’s part of it. It’s just... Why make a fuss about something when I’m fine? Kristen, my friend, and other girls have been through worse."

"So, because people have been through worse, that means you shouldn’t let it impact you?"

"Yeah, I think. I mean, I’ve been so lucky. Why should these things get to me the way they do?"

Tara nodded and placed her notepad to the side. Her beautiful hazel eyes burned into me with intense sincerity.

"Forgive me for drawing a conclusion so quickly. However, after talking to you last time and this time... It seems as though you minimize the things that happen to you. Things that would have rocked the world of anyone that went through them. It could be a way to cope, and that’s okay... But it can be a sort of band-aid solution. It’s you burying the negative feelings instead of dealing with the trauma. Being at your place of work, a place you are meant to feel safe, and to have that safety compromised in such a serious way, is traumatizing. People having a variety of different traumas does not make yours any less valid."

I was silent, her words taking time to seep into the corners of my mind.

Tara was the one to break the quiet. "What was it like, growing up, when problems arose? How did your parents handle the issues?"

Blinking, it didn’t take much to cast my memory back to have an answer.

"Things were dismissed. My sister and I, we were meant to stay out of the way. Anything we tried to bring to their attention, they were rather cruel. Telling us we didn’t know how good we had it, and that we should be glad to have to deal with those things rather than starving in the streets."

She nodded. "Do you see the correlation? You’ve always been told to stay silent, to consider what you have, and not to worry about the issues because people have it worse. We need to work through that thought process and establish a new one. One where you’re allowed to call yourself a victim, because you are. Labels aren’t always important, but sometimes, it’s a stepping stone to the right healing process."

"That makes sense," I breathed. "I never thought about it that way."

"Sometimes we all just need a little push in the right direction. So, what about yesterday evening was most upsetting to you?"

I wringed my hands. "The threat to my safety, of course. The memories it brought up... The fact I had only tasted normalcy and will now be back in a state of fear and security. And... well... How I had been feeling something was wrong, that someone was watching me. But my worries were dismissed by everyone."

"Maybe this is an opportunity for personal growth," Tara suggested.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you felt something was wrong and people dismissed it. While you can’t control the actions of others, we can work on building confidence in your own intuition. That way, when those moments happen again and someone is trying to dismiss you, you stand your ground. You say, this may feel irrational to you, but it isn’t to me. I need to feel safe and right now, I don’t."

Much to my surprise, I smiled. She was right. I needed that.

I was thankful to have someone like her on my side. I was getting the feeling she would be the change I needed in my life, and in myself.