Chapter 259: The Knotty Omega: Call Her Mommy With The Riding Crop
THE KNOTTY OMEGA: Call Her Mommy With The Riding Crop
Written by: Yours Truly
Wolves of Skardos. My darlings. My degenerates. My loyal, scandal-starved readers who keep this column alive despite the best efforts of every intelligence service on the continent.
Yours Truly told you to brace yourselves.
You did not brace hard enough.
The Knotty Omega is now banned in SEVEN kingdoms. That is three more than last month. To the Bloodmoon servant who sent fourteen pages of notes wrapped inside a bread delivery: you are the backbone of journalism and Yours Truly will protect your identity with every breath in this body.
Let us begin.
A KING EXECUTED A MAN FOR SAYING TWO WORDS OUT LOUD:
Yours Truly is about to say them in print. Come find me. I dare you.
Shadowclaw was ambushed. Reports confirm mercenaries and a coordinated attack. Only one attacker was left alive.
Ambushes don’t happen in Shadowclaw territory. What were they after?
A white wolf was allegedly seen in the forest the same night as the ambush. And who was the white wolf running with? A black wolf the size of a small horse. *Cough* Alpha-sized.
The next morning, the sole surviving attacker was on trial. He mentioned the white wolf.
Shadowclaw said "off with his head" before the man finished breathing.
Does Yours Truly have a theory on who the white wolf is? I have exactly one. Draw your own conclusions, darlings.
That man drew his and it killed him.
DRAGON ARMY TRANSCRIPTS:
Remember the nobody who became somebody over night? White haired. Alphas fighting over her. May or may not have a white wolf. Yes that girl.
The quotes coming from trainings include:
"Frostborne just mounted my dragon without asking. That’s the most aggressive pussy energy I’ve seen since I was smacked by a redhead and her brunette friend. My safe word is ’harder.’"
The only notable redhead in Drakenfell is the Beta’s mate. The best friend of Serena. Nice work ladies. But also can we just pause at the aggressive talk there?
Another quote:
"If Frostborne ever needs a riding partner, I volunteer as tribute. Dragons during the day, my face between her thighs at night. I’ll even let her use the riding crop. Hell, if she plays her cards right, I’ll call her ’mommy’ while she does it."
These quotes were cited by multiple anonymous sources.
What gives?
EVERYBODY WANTS TO FUCK FROSTBORNE:
Attractive score? Confirmed ten. But there are other tens out there. That doesn’t make a woman attract mates like this one.
Pheromones? Maybe.
Magnetic personality? Maybe. It’s been reported that she’s quiet.
Is she just THAT good with dragons? Confirmed yes. But it doesn’t explain the sexual energy.
Is something else going on here? Yes.
Yours Truly has a few theories. One starting with a necklace that I’ll get to. Hold that thought.
TROUBLE IN PARADISE?
Sources say the Crown Prince of Drakenfell stormed out of an infirmary room. Serena ran after him calling his name. She then collapsed on the floor.
What did he do next? He walked.
You read that correctly.
The Prince Walked Away:
And who found her? Who sat down on that cold stone floor beside the crying Crown Princess like it was the only place in the world he was supposed to be?
Gavriel Sterling, Gamma of Drakenfell. Quick Stats:
Age: Mid-20s
Zodiac: Cancer
Attractive score: 9
Six Pack: Yes
Height: 6’2
Gavriel’s Biggest Flags:
Green: Would sit on a stone floor next to you while you cry and not say a word until you’re ready.
Red: Will fall in love with his best friend’s mate and tell him to his face over whiskey.
It was overheard by multiple sources in a pub when he confessed his love for her to Dexmon Drakenfell, the Crown Prince.
Let Yours Truly say that again for the wolves in the back.
Gavriel Sterling, Third of Drakenfell, Gamma of the inner circle, the man who has been reported at Serena Frostborne’s side since the week she arrived in Drakenfell, looked the Crown Prince in the face and said he was in love with his mate.
Watch Out Alphas. A Gamma Has Entered The Race:
To the serving girl at the tavern who remembered every word and will remain unnamed: you are the most important person in journalism right now and Yours Truly will name a future edition after you.
He Hit His Best Friend Over Pussy:
A few days after he confessed his undying love for her, sources report a fight between the two best friends.
Dexmon confronted Gavriel. Yelling was heard. The Gamma left with blood on his chin and a jaw that was already swelling.
CROWN SCANDAL SEASON:
The Most Passed-Around Princess In Skardos Is Offered ANOTHER Crown
Yours Truly has a source on the Shadowclaw council with excellent penmanship and a grudge.
King Shadowclaw formally declared his intention to crown Serena Frostborne as Queen of Shadowclaw.
The council said NO.
As in "we respect your feelings, Alpha, but the Crown Princess of another kingdom cannot sit on our throne, and also we have already selected a list of alternative brides for your consideration."
Is the most eligible bachelor back on the market?
Stay tuned for next month.
The Prince’s Post-Nut Sprint: Two Castles Saw That Ass
Yours Truly is going to need everyone to put down whatever they are holding. If you are near a fire, step back. If you are drinking, swallow first.
Guinevere Ashford, the exiled cousin of Finnick Shadowclaw, the teacup-throwing menace of last month’s edition, was spotted running through the corridors of Shadowclaw Keep.
Naked.
Who was chasing her?
Dexmon Drakenfell with his pants on backwards.
Let Yours Truly sit with that for a moment. Breathe it in. Let it settle into the bones.
Multiple witnesses reported this across two castles.
EVIDENCE IN WRITING:
Yours Truly has a wedding invitation with the Drakenfell crest.
It reads: The Crown cordially announces the union of Crown Prince Dexmon Drakenfell and Lady Guinevere Ashford.
The prince is taking a second wife. Or the prince was promised to Guinevere before the Viremont Princess.
That is all Yours Truly is going to say about it today.
I will let the wolves of Skardos decide which.
Bending Her Over His Desk At 4 AM:
While naked and being chased by Dexmon, Guinevere was wearing Serena’s necklace.
How the necklace ended up around her neck?
Yours Truly has a few theories. One involves a locked door and the Crown Prince bending her over his desk at 4 a.m.
Second wife. *Cough*
Naked Whore Stole My Necklace:
Serena was seen running through Shadowclaw’s halls crying by multiple witnesses.
Where were her mate(s)?
One of them was chasing Guinevere Ashford naked that day.
Coincidence? No.
She Cried. He Was Balls Deep In Somebody Else.
She Wasn’t Crying Over A Necklace, Babe
What she saw, Yours Truly will let you do the math.
THE NOBODY KNOCKED THE BRIDE ON HER ASS:
Later that day, she was spotted in Drakenfell. What did our little princess do?
Decked Guinevere’s face in a corridor.
Two sources confirmed, she demanded Guinevere return her necklace.
But Guinevere refused to give it to her. Instead, she threw it in the FIRE like a bitch.
RIGHT?
What did Serena do? They got into a fist fight.
Why is this necklace important? This necklace keeps showing up because it matters. And Yours Truly thinks it matters more than anyone is saying.
My theory: this necklace is not just any necklace. It’s how Serena Frostborne is getting the most eligible men in Skardos to line up for her.
Why do I think this?
When Guinevere stole it, Yours Truly received a wedding invitation.
Pussy Necklace Powers? Confirmed Maybe.
THE PRINCE ARRESTED HIS OWN WIFE:
After the fist fight, Dexmon ordered Guinevere’s arrest. His future wife.
His exact words were not captured, but the general sentiment was: arrest her. Now.
She is currently in Drakenfell custody. The specifics of where and under what conditions are locked down tighter than King Tiberon Drakenfell’s whiskey cabinet.
No charges have been publicly announced. No trial date has been set. No official statement has been released from the Crown.
Yours Truly finds the silence interesting. In Skardos, silence from a throne means one of two things: they are deliberating, or they have already decided and are choosing when to announce it.
Bye-bye, Guinevere. For real this time. Probably.
THE DARKHOWLER UPDATE:
For those of you who thought Yours Truly had forgotten about our third most eligible bachelor: absolutely not.
Garrett Darkhowler has been suspiciously quiet. The castle has been on modified lockdown twice in the last month, though no official explanation was given either time.
Agnes Viremont, confirmed mate of Darkhowler, has been spotted at his side consistently. Yours Truly does not trust it.
Reformed villains are like VOLCANOS. They are never actually dormant. They are just deciding when.
Agnes has been seen leaving the castle grounds at unusual hours. Pre-dawn. Alone.
Agnes Walking At Dawn? Bitch Please.
What she is doing out there, Yours Truly cannot say.
Taking walks because pregnancy cravings demand fresh air?
Yours Truly is watching.
THE BABY DRAGON SITUATION:
On a lighter note, because Yours Truly knows when the audience needs a palate cleanser:
The baby dragon known as Onyx has become the most famous creature across two kingdoms, and he is not even trying.
Sources inside the Dragon Army report the following: Onyx has escaped juvenile dragon training no fewer than FIVE times.
The dragon is a better strategist than half the officers in Skardos and he is still drinking from a bottle.
Keep up the great work Onyx!
WHO IS FROSTBORNE CHOOSING?
Serena Frostborne sits between the two sexiest men in Skardos, holding the center of a story that keeps getting more complicated.
Who will she choose?
Yours Truly is beginning to wonder if we’re asking the right question.
FINAL THOUGHTS
We are in uncharted territory, darlings. Every thread in this story is pulling tighter. Yours Truly can feel it. The next break, when it comes, will be loud.
So here is my advice, wolves of Skardos. The same advice I gave last month, because you clearly did not listen:
Brace yourselves.
This time, Yours Truly means it.
Somebody’s Getting Fucked Next Issue:
Because the next time these three collide, it won’t be in a corridor. It’ll be in a bed. Or against a wall. Or possibly all three at once while the rest of the castle pretends not to hear the moaning.
Yours Truly is already taking bets.
Yours Truly Anonymous. Always watching. Always right (usually). Never dressed inappropriately in a public corridor.
