Chapter 75: Red potion
Raven:
The first thing I felt even before I opened my eyes was a deep sense of weakness that seemed to sink right into my bones.
The bed I lay on was soft, and I didn’t even try to get up or stand on my feet, already confident that I would be too weak to stand.
My eyes were heavy, but beyond that was a hollow feeling in my belly. My hand slid down instinctively, already aware that the baby inside me was gone.
My baby.
Surprisingly, I expected that I would break down and be inconsolable, crying my eyes out. But instead, as I stared at the wall, it was shocking to realize that I felt nothing.
Nothing at all.
Almost like everything that happened to me had happened to someone else and not me. Almost like my own body wasn’t even really my own.
I lowered my eyes to the floor, staring at it as I fluttered my eyes closed. Trying to sleep was impossible.
I felt no pain, but there was a hollow numbness inside me as I opened my eyes again and looked around. It felt like everything else was moving around me and I was the only thing that was different.
I lay on the bed for a very long time.
Finally, a knock sounded on the door, and I watched a guard walk in with a tray in her hands.
The female guard was familiar enough that I could spot her anywhere as she moved closer and sat on the bed before pushing me into an upright position.
"I’ve been ordered to feed you. You can either eat yourself or I will do it for you," she said in a matter-of-fact tone, showing clearly that she would follow her orders to the letter.
I looked at her but didn’t respond.
Even when she grabbed my jaw and forced my mouth open, pushing the spoon into it.
I swallowed and leaned against the wall, watching a look of relief flash in her eyes as she continued feeding me.
Quickly. Like she couldn’t wait to leave.
"Do you hate me?" I asked, unsure where the question came from, but it must have been in the recesses of my mind for it to suddenly come out.
"There’s this look of frustration and..."
"I don’t hate you. I just don’t see a reason to spend any time with you. You are too weak, and the fact that you’ve survived this long is already a miracle," she said.
"I don’t know what is going on, and I don’t care. But getting close to you is stupid!" she said, meeting my gaze as she fed me another spoon and I swallowed.
I hated how my immediate reaction was to cry, but I was shocked when even the tears that usually came so easily didn’t come.
"...so you think that I won’t survive long. There’s no use even speaking to me. It’s better to treat me like I’m already dead?" I asked, repeating her own words back to her.
"You are all skin and bones, you have no wolf, and Gessia is using you for something," she said bluntly.
I felt a small smile at the corner of my lips.
"You do not worry that I will tell the alphas everything you’ve told me, cry and wail and have them severely punish you?" I asked, aware that if I framed it well enough, they would listen.
Only to see an even more pitiful look appear on her face as she looked right into my eyes, feeding me another spoon of soup which I swallowed.
"You know it as well as I do. You are not such a person," she said with a deeply sad look in her eyes.
"It would be better if you were. You are too weak to be kind," she whispered, almost like she was scared that any other werewolf would hear the words coming out of her mouth.
She kept feeding me more spoons, which I swallowed as I looked at her, my eyes genuine and filled with pity that made anger boil in my chest with nowhere to go.
I balled my hands tightly, digging my nails into my palms, glad that somehow the tears still seemed to elude me.
"What’s the use? Nothing matters... I can do nothing! How I act doesn’t matter, who I am doesn’t either!" I spat out, relieved to see the bowl was practically empty so she could leave.
The alphas she worshipped were the ones I detested. I was weak, running tired me out, and kindness was simply meekness.
She got to her feet, carrying the tray with her, along with every sharp object, having already made sure the entire room was stripped clean.
"You are only weak if you believe that you’re weak," she told me before turning around to leave, closing the door behind her as I let out a low scoff.
I turned to face the wall, aware that I wouldn’t be stepping out of the room without their say so. I was their golden goose, and my eggs were valuable.
Staring outside the window, I could hear voices—Loel and Xarna most likely eating and chatting as the sun set in the sky, while I could no longer freely join them.
Anger welled up from deep inside me, hating all three alphas to my core, including Gessia who tried to kill me.
Then suddenly I froze.
I sat up straighter, my eyes widening in shock as I remembered how the beast had died on contact with it.
The red potion.
And for the first time, the thought of killing myself didn’t even occur to me.
Why would I do that... when I could get rid of three of my problems, including Gessia?
If I couldn’t succeed before they attacked me, then I could drag them to hell with me.
The last thing I wanted was to mate with Axel, as if what Rex put me through hadn’t already been enough.
