Chapter 23: Guilt
Raven’s POV
The house was small but, in a way, cozy. For one, it was completely mine—somewhere I could be alone, a rare thing within a pack. The bed was uncomfortable, the thin straw mattress uneven beneath the worn sheets, but even then, I couldn’t bring myself to complain the moment I opened my eyes.
Slowly, I scrambled off the bed and immediately got dressed, pulling on the simple, rough-spun clothes that marked my place here. I did my best to ignore the biting hunger in my stomach as I stepped out through the door.
The darkness in the sky had barely cleared, a pale grey dawn creeping over the land, but already most werewolves were up and about. Mostly those around the kitchen building, carrying firewood and buckets of water back and forth, their movements swift and practiced, the scent of smoke and damp earth lingering in the cold morning air.
For a moment, I simply stood there, unsure what to do, before I slowly approached the building, trying to figure out who I had to speak to in order to know my schedule for pack work and what I would be assigned to. But I had barely gotten to the front of the building when a middle-aged woman approached me—most likely in her hundreds by werewolf age.
She had a calm expression on her face, one that showed she was used to being in control, her posture straight, her presence commanding. Her eyes assessed me as she moved closer and spoke.
"...You’re the omega," she said, her gaze scanning me from head to toe as she came to stand right in front of me.
"Never seen one before, but you look like you’re about to fall over simply from standing," she continued.
I simply nodded my head, not seeing a reason to take offense at something that was the truth.
"I was told to come here to be assigned," I said, feeling even more uncomfortable under her scrutinizing gaze as she nodded her head slowly without immediately speaking.
"...To be honest, I do not think you’ll be much help. I won’t be surprised if you faint from the heat if I put you anywhere in the kitchen. Fetching water from the river is far from it... not to mention—"
"I can work hard. I’m not as weak as I look," I promised her, straightening slightly despite the hollowness in my stomach.
A faint scoff escaped her lips.
"What did you do in your old pack?" she asked.
I would have responded that my father was the Alpha—if I wanted Lillian dead before the day was over.
I didn’t get a chance to respond, and she simply took my hesitation as an answer.
"Alpha Thor gave instructions that you be given something light, so serving food should be—"
"Can I be given laundry duty like Lo-el?" I asked her quickly, before I got saddled with something I didn’t like, a hint of urgency slipping into my voice.
Her response was to frown.
"You will have to pick up the clothes, take them to the river, wash them, then bring them back. Do you even know how to scrub leather?" she asked, her expression severe enough to make me do a double take.
"I can learn," I responded, even as her frown deepened.
"Fine! But the moment you faint, I’m putting you on plate duty. You can simply sit and soak your hands in soap," she grumbled, pointing in the direction of Lo-el’s house in the distance and vividly describing it to me.
"Wash days are not every day, so you’ll have to find out which days from her. If you have any problems, you can reach out to me," she said, already turning around to leave, her steps firm against the packed earth.
"...Sorry, but what should I refer to you as?" I called after her.
"Madam Yoria," she responded, continuing on her way back to the large kitchen building without looking back.
I watched her for a moment before turning around to head straight toward Lo-el’s house. I was starving, but with no idea when food was going to be served, I decided to visit her and find out.
Getting in front of her door, I knocked, waiting for it to be opened with a hint of apprehension. I was still thinking of knocking again when the door was pushed open to reveal a boy who couldn’t have been more than four years old. He was bigger, reaching my waist like most werewolf children, but he still had that baby daze in his eyes, his body clearly having outgrown his mind.
"Who...?" he gasped, a questioning look on his face as he immediately scowled and growled at me in a tone so cute I wanted to reach out and pick him up—something I would have done if I wasn’t sure he would bite me.
"I’m your sister’s friend," I began to speak, but even then I could tell that he barely understood a word I said. Still, I was willing to try again when Lo-el finally appeared at the door, a surprised look on her face—one that said she hadn’t been expecting me.
"Raven, I’m surprised to see you here so early," she said, scooping Raphal into her arms as she spoke.
"I had no idea what my work was, so I went to the kitchen and met Madam Yoria, who put me in laundry. She said I could find out more from you," I told her, leaving out the part that I had actually asked for it. I liked Lo-el, and I wanted us to be friends. The last thing I wanted was for her to think I was forcing myself on her.
"Really? Last I heard you were to work exclusively in the Alpha building—to serve and clean. Something about you being fragile," she said.
Bitterness filled my heart as I recalled the plans Axel, Rex, and Thor had for me. It annoyed me beyond words, especially since there was nothing I could do to change it. Escaping would only make it much worse, since through our connection Rex could easily find me.
"I’m not fragile," I bit out, not meaning to take my anger out on Lo-el as I hurriedly began to apologize for my tone, only for her to apologize first.
"I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you fragile. That was insensitive of me," she said.
I slowly shook my head, telling her not to worry about it. It wasn’t her fault she was simply saying what she heard.
"Come in," she invited, pushing the door wider. "The food bell will still take a while before it rings. I can offer you some snacks—I made them myself."
I stepped in, glancing around the modest interior, the faint warmth of a dying hearth lingering.
"How did you get snacks? Since the pack eats together," I asked. Moreover, from the look of things, it was clear that she lived alone with only her brother.
"Homes with young children get extra rations from the kitchen, especially since they are hungry at all hours of the day," she informed me, before going ahead to explain even more things that I needed to know.
But it wasn’t until she began to explain the massacre that killed both her parents that a wave of guilt threatened to bury me.
There were tears in her eyes as she spoke—and anger too. I knew then and there that if she found out that it was my fault that they were dead, she would try and kill me. That was how much anger I could see in her eyes.
"Which is why I’m grateful for Alpha Axel, Rex, and Thor. Without them, my brother and I would be dead too. I join the wolf trainings in the evening in hopes that, in case of another attack, we would be able to protect ourselves. But honestly..." Lowering her tone, she whispered, "I’m waiting for the day we can take the fight to the Moonburn pack. I want them all to burn."
Tears welled up in my eyes as I did my best to console her, while internally dying under the guilt that threatened to crush me.
I can’t escape, I thought to myself—not before I pay for my sin.
My eyes shifted over to Raphal, who was now an orphan only because of me.
