Chapter 79: Tears And Truths
[Music Recommendation: Sophie Hutchings - Living Light (Extended Mix)]
Before she could ask another question, Ivan spoke first, "Do you remember when and how you were captured by them?"
She set her spoon down after she finished her soup and nodded slowly, "I do, it was on the fifth of the month on a Friday night. After dinner, I was in my room when I received a note outside my room door." She paused to remember what was written on the note under Ivan’s name, and guilt twisted her chest as she recalled how recklessly she had gone out, only to be captured.
Ivan’s eyes narrowed slightly, and he asked, "A note? From whom?"
Clearing her throat, she replied softly, "It was a note... under your name."
Ivan’s eyebrows furrowed, a dark line forming between them. "What did it say?"
"It said that all the answers to my questions lay at the back gate of the academy and that you’ll be waiting there. Your name was signed beneath it."
"And you just went there?" He looked at her incredulously.
She bit down on her lip and averted her gaze, "It was written in your handwriting and..."
Before she could say more, Ivan grew angry and spoke in a cold voice. "So if anyone leaves a note in my handwriting, you’ll just blindly follow them?" He sucked in a sharp breath before continuing, "Honesty, Evelyn, I thought you were smarter than that." He didn’t raise his voice at her, but the icy edge in his tone made her flinch.
At first, his words stung her, leaving her hurt. But then anger began to rise in her; she was angry at the fact that he had left her for five days without a word of when he would be leaving or returning. If he had, she wouldn’t have acted so recklessly. She knew she was at fault here but at the same time, he had no right to speak to her this way just because they shared a moment together.
So she looked him in the eyes and responded fearlessly, "Yes! I admit it was my fault to go out there and follow what was written in that stupid letter! But how could I’ve known whether it was really you or not?"
"We had a moment back in the cave, and then you just disappeared without so much as a word to God knows where. I am not saying that you need to inform me about your whereabouts, but I was left with so many unanswered questions swirling in my mind about us. I had no idea when you would be returning. So when I found that note, I thought that you had finally come back and wanted to speak to me somewhere away from prying eyes."
"Don’t you think if I wanted to speak to you, I would have directly reached out to you rather than playing these silly games?" Ivan spoke in that same cold voice.
"And how would I know that?" she shot back. "It’s not like I’ve known you long enough to predict what you would or wouldn’t do? I thought..." Her voice cracked a little, but she continued, "I thought that maybe you felt guilty over what happened between us...that you didn’t want to face me directly and would rather call me indirectly to a secluded spot."
"Guilty? Why would I feel guilty?" Ivan asked as he stared at her in disbelief.
"Because I thought maybe you regret everything that happened between us. Because you told me not to pry too much into your personal life before. Because you told me not to get too clingy and that you don’t do relationships. How am I supposed to know what goes on in your mind?" As she blurted out, she felt her throat tightening and suddenly realised how silly she was sounding.
Tears started to fill her eyes at placing herself in such a position and demanding answers from someone who had clearly made his intentions very clear to her.
Her voice wavered as she continued, "You might have been with countless women before, but to me, all this is new. I don’t know what your rules are, and I have no intention to follow them like others. You told me back in the cave that I am not like them, but then what am I?" She shook her head, "I just..just wanted to get some answers and get over with it instead of letting it affect me like this. I hate it!" And as if the dam had broken, the anger, doubts, and pain she had been bottling up spilled in the form of tears before him.
She continued, her voice trembling yet firm, "I hate feeling this way....that despite everything you told me, all those warnings in the beginning, we made a mutual decision to cross that line back in the cave. I hate being left in the dark, not knowing if now I’m just one of those women at your beck and call. I hate thinking that when you left without a word, it might have been to be... with someone else." Her throat tightened, but she pushed on. "I-I don’t want you to answer me for everything you do in your life, but I hate being caught in the middle, not knowing where I stand or where we stand in this...whatever this is. Because just like you, I don’t share what’s mine. And yet here I am, sitting in front of you, showing this disgraceful side of myself I never asked for."
She felt angry to show this side to him, but she felt frustrated with everything. She harshly wiped her tears, only to end up pressing against her bruised cheek in the process. She winced at the sting, and that was when Ivan, who had been quietly listening to every word, finally rose from his seat.
Eve’s eyes shifted to him as she watched him suddenly stand, and her heart sank at the thought that he might finally be walking away from her pathetic self. Maybe he had enough of her.
But to her surprise, he moved closer to her and settled beside her. He gently raised his hand to lift up her chin in a feather-light touch, to examine the bruise on her cheek. Once he confirmed it hadn’t worsened, his gaze shifted back to her beautiful blue eyes that continued to shed tears relentlessly.
And then, at last, he spoke, "I was away because I was personally leading my men to wipe out every base of darkrots and dark magic practitioners in the kingdom. I had received intel that they had infiltrated my kingdom and were planning to massacre more innocent people. The report reached me that very night, after the physical examination ended. I had no choice but to leave immediately. And I didn’t want to disturb you since you were recovering from your injury and were asleep."
"The mission was highly sensitive in nature, so we couldn’t risk word spreading and alerting our enemies, giving them time to scatter and hide before we got there. That is why no one knew...except Damien."
He paused to lift his other hand and then cupped her face, his thumb brushing away her tears from her cheeks as he continued in a softer voice, "I know I’ve warned you many times before not to get close to me, because I’ve really never let anyone close before, not even my own family. And that remains true. But when it comes to you, I can’t help but be drawn to you."
"As I told you back in the cave, I don’t fully understand what I feel for you, because these feelings are foreign to me. But there’s one thing you must understand, Evelyn. I am not a coward. I don’t say one thing and then do another. I don’t run away after making a claim. I’ve always spoken with complete honesty, whether harsh or not; I don’t mince words. So when I claimed you as mine, I meant it. And as for the question you asked me back then, whether I am willing to be yours, the answer is...."
He paused as her breathing hitched and she anxiously waited for his words. "Yes," he said at last. "No woman has ever made me do things that I do for you. No woman has ever moved me the way you do, or made me care the way I care about you. No woman has ever made me want them close to me the way I want you near me."
He leaned in, pressing his forehead gently against hers, his gaze locking onto her devastatingly beautiful eyes that still continued to water, "So, rest assured....I haven’t been with any other woman since the day I met you, and I don’t plan to. You’re mine, Eve, and I don’t want to be with anyone else but you."
Eve was so stunned she forgot to breathe; her heart fluttered wildly in her chest. When she remained frozen in silence, he searched her expression and whispered, "Say something... my Eve."
