Chapter 223: Chapter 223: Afraid of Losing You
Wren Sutton’s face was expressionless. Her voice was soft and flat, devoid of anger, sarcasm, or any other emotion. She was simply stating a fact.
She wasn’t against Adrian Lancaster being a full-time father and staying home to care for the children. That was a father’s responsibility.
But for him to be a full-time husband, waiting on her at home? She really didn’t need that.
That short sentence was like a gust of wind, blowing away the warm courage Adrian Lancaster had just mustered, leaving behind only a hollow chill.
Adrian Lancaster’s heart clenched. It plummeted, heavy in his chest, and the sour ache instantly sharpened into a piercing pain.
He understood there was a chasm between him and Wren Sutton, one that couldn’t be filled by his efforts alone.
The high wall she had erected was rooted in the accumulation of every past disappointment, deep and cold.
Adrian Lancaster silently placed their son back in the stroller, then turned to Wren Sutton and gently hugged her from behind.
His arms wrapped around Wren Sutton’s waist with tentative caution, finally closing loosely in front of her, encircling both her and their daughter in his embrace.
A familiar scent enveloped Wren Sutton. Her body visibly tensed, and her breath caught for a moment.
She didn’t move, didn’t struggle, and didn’t scold him. Not even an eyelash fluttered.
But the arms holding her daughter seemed to tighten, her fingertips turning slightly white from the pressure.
Adrian Lancaster didn’t move either.
He held his breath, taking in the scent of Wren Sutton’s hair and feeling the sharp outline of her shoulder blades beneath her clothes.
’She’s gotten thinner.’ The realization drove the thorn in his heart even deeper.
Adrian Lancaster slowly rested his chin on the soft crown of Wren Sutton’s head and closed his eyes. His heart thudded heavily in his chest, beating with the cautious anxiety of someone terrified of losing what they had just gotten back.
Time trickled by in the nearly frozen air.
"Honey, you promised you’d give me a chance to make up for my mistakes. You can’t go back on your word."
"I swore an oath in front of our whole family. I can’t break my promise."
Wren Sutton murmured, her gaze fixed on her daughter’s delicate, adorable features.
"I meant that you just need to take good care of the children."
Panic seized Adrian Lancaster, a bad feeling rising within him. "Besides taking care of the children, I need to take care of you, too. You’ve always been the one taking care of me. From now on, let me take care of you. It’s what I owe you, a debt I can never repay in a lifetime."
Wren Sutton remained calm, her tone gentle. "You don’t owe me anything."
’In the end, it was all just about feelings. Once she’d accepted that and let it go, she realized it wasn’t a matter of life and death. It didn’t matter anymore.’
Adrian Lancaster’s panic intensified. He tightened his hold on Wren Sutton, terrified she would disappear the next second.
"Don’t say that. I’m scared."
"What do you have to be scared of?"
"I’m scared of losing you."
"..."
Wren Sutton said nothing.
Just then, their daughter finished her formula, waving her little hands happily and letting out a gurgle of laughter.
An expression finally appeared on Wren Sutton’s face. She smiled at the daughter in her arms, then lifted the baby upright, placed her against her shoulder, and gently patted her back a few times to prevent her from spitting up.
Adrian Lancaster followed Wren Sutton’s movements, smiling as he reached out to play with his daughter.
"By the way, honey, have you picked out names for the children yet?" he asked, trying to change the subject and ease the tension.
Wren Sutton placed their daughter in the stroller, letting the brother and sister play together.
"Not yet."
Adrian Lancaster said, "I’ve actually thought of two names. For our son, Owen Lancaster. It’s about my longing, and how late I was."
Wren Sutton said nothing.
"And for our daughter, Nina Lancaster. It’s about always remembering Wren."
Wren Sutton turned her head to meet Adrian Lancaster’s eyes, which were inches away.
Her own eyes, usually calm and waveless, or listlessly avoidant, were now like a frozen lake shattered by a giant boulder, revealing the turbulent, churning waves beneath.
Her lips trembled slightly, but she didn’t speak immediately.
Her gaze locked onto Adrian Lancaster, as if trying to pierce through the surface of his pupils and stab deep into his soul to discern how much of his words was true and how much was false.
"Why did you choose those names?"
Adrian Lancaster met Wren Sutton’s gaze without flinching.
He saw the unshed tears that quickly gathered in her eyes, threatening to fall. His heart felt as if it were being squeezed by an invisible hand, the pain so sharp it stole his breath.
He forced himself to look into the shattered, icy lake of her eyes.
"’Owen,’" Adrian Lancaster explained, his voice low. "It’s for my regret. My regret that I understood everything too late."
"’Nina,’ is for my longing. My longing for you."
"My regret came too late; my longing became an illness."
Adrian Lancaster spoke those final words very slowly, very clearly, his tone laced with a dull, belated ache.
Wren Sutton looked at him, the tears shimmering violently in her beautiful eyes, yet stubbornly refusing to fall.
Her breathing grew ragged, her chest rising and falling slightly as her fingertips dug deep into the soft flesh of her palms.
She seemed to want to say something, her lips parting several times, but she couldn’t form a single complete syllable.
She just kept looking at Adrian Lancaster, her gaze a mixture of profound pain and an even deeper confusion.
In that moment, it was as if all the air had been sucked out of the room.
In the stroller, the well-fed brother and sister were cooing and gurgling, playing happily.
The children’s innocent sounds broke the stagnant atmosphere.
Wren Sutton composed herself and turned her back to Adrian Lancaster, her body ramrod straight.
Adrian Lancaster stood rooted to the spot, silently enduring her unspoken interrogation as well as the tempest of regret raging in his own heart.
He knew those final words were not a key that could instantly unlock the door to Wren Sutton’s guarded heart.
They were more like a dull knife, slicing open the seemingly calm scab to expose the raw, bloody wound beneath that had never truly healed.
The corners of Wren Sutton’s eyes were slightly red.
"Adrian Lancaster," she began, her voice a little hoarse but exceptionally clear, "the names you chose are beautiful."
"But..."
Adrian Lancaster’s heart skipped a beat. He listened, tense and uneasy.
"Names carry the hopes and emotions of the parents. By giving them such meanings, are you trying to use them to constantly remind yourself, and to tie me down as well?"
She hit the nail on the head.
Adrian Lancaster’s throat tightened. He had indeed had such a selfish thought.
He hoped these two names would be like a brand, seared into his very bones, reminding him never to make the same mistake again.
He also hoped the names could become a bond, reconnecting him and Wren Sutton through their children.
"I can’t say that I didn’t."
Adrian Lancaster lowered his gaze, choosing to be honest, his voice dry.
"I want to constantly remind myself, but as for tying you down..."
He gave a bitter smile, one full of self-mockery and pain.
"Honey, what could I possibly use to tie you down? The past hurts? I’m not that naive. I know the only thing I can do is use the long years ahead to prove that my regret is real, my longing is real, and my desire to change and make amends is also real."
Adrian Lancaster looked at Wren Sutton with a deep gaze, filled with all his sincerity.
"If you don’t like these names, we can change them. I didn’t mean anything else when I said those final words today. I just wanted you to know everything that’s in my heart right now. That’s all."
Wren Sutton lowered her eyelids, her long lashes casting a small shadow beneath her eyes, hiding her emotions.
"We don’t need to change the names. Owen and Nina are fine."
"But..."
She paused, taking the opportunity to say everything that was on her mind.
"Names are names, and life is life. I won’t forget the things you did in the past because of a name, nor will I easily make any promises about the future because of one."
"I can give you the chance you want, but it’s limited to your responsibilities as a father."
"I won’t take away your right to be a father, and I’m not against you taking care of our two children. As for us, I need time. Not a few days or a few months. It could be a year, a few years, or even longer."
"I need to watch with my own eyes and feel with my own heart. To see if you can truly become a reliable father for our children, and to see if we can find another way to be with each other, beyond just the children and our responsibilities."
"Before that happens," Wren Sutton took a deep breath and said the most crucial part, "please stop saying things about owing me or being afraid of losing me. Our relationship isn’t a debt. If there’s still a future for us, it should be built on equality, respect, and feelings that might be able to grow again—not on guilt and atonement."
Wren Sutton finally turned to face Adrian Lancaster, her gaze calm but filled with an unquestionable strength.
"Adrian Lancaster, do you understand what I’m saying?"
