Chapter 44: What would you see if you looked at me now?
She pulled the chair close....the same chair where she’d sat yesterday, the same chair where she’d held her mother’s hand and whispered confessions to someone who couldn’t hear her. She sat down carefully, like sudden movement might shatter something.
Then she reached out and took her mother’s hand.
"Hi," she whispered.
The word was small. Inadequate. But it was all she had.
Her mother’s hand was warm. Still strong, even in unconsciousness. Lilith held it gently, cradling it between both of hers, and let herself just be present in this moment.
She didn’t say anything for a long time.
Just sat there. Just held her mother’s hand. Just existed in this space where her mother was alive and breathing and fighting, even if she didn’t know she was fighting.
The afternoon light moved across the floor.
Lilith watched the shadows change. Watched the sun arc across the window. Watched time pass in the quiet room where nothing happened except the steady beep of the monitor and the soft whisper of the oxygen machine.
"I don’t know why I’m here," she said finally. Her voice was strange....rough, unfamiliar. When had she last spoken out loud to someone? "The brothers sent me away and I don’t know why."
She looked at her mother’s unconscious face.
"You always knew things," Lilith continued. "You always understood people in ways I couldn’t. You could look at someone and see their truth. What would you see if you looked at me now?"
She lifted her mother’s hand and pressed it to her cheek.
"I think you’d see that I’m breaking," she whispered. "Slowly. Like a tree in a storm. Bending and bending until I’m not sure if I can ever stand up straight again."
She closed her eyes.
"But I’m surviving, Mom. Whatever this is, whatever they’re doing to me....I’m surviving it. I’m learning to compartmentalize. To separate my body from my mind. To be here in these moments with you and forget about... about the rest of it."
She sat with her mother’s hand against her face.
"You’re getting stronger though," she said. "I can feel it. Your hand is still strong. Your body is fighting. And I need you to keep fighting. I need you to come back. Because I don’t know how much longer I can do this alone."
The shadows shifted again.
Hours passed.
Lilith talked and was silent by turns. Sometimes she held her mother’s hand. Sometimes she just watched her mother’s face, looking for signs of consciousness, for some indication that her mother could hear her. For some proof that she wasn’t just talking to a shell.
At 6:47 PM, she finally forced herself to stand.
"I have to go," she whispered. "They told me to be back to the estate by tomorrow morning, and I can’t... I can’t risk them finding out I left early. I can’t risk them thinking I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing."
She bent down and kissed her mother’s forehead.
Her mother’s skin was warm. Alive. Real.
"I promise I’ll come back in the morning," Lilith said. "And I promise that as soon as I can figure out how, I’m going to get us out of this. Both of us."
She straightened and walked toward the door.
She didn’t let herself look back.
The hallway was quiet.
The evening shift had settled in, and most of the hospital was focused on dinner trays and vital sign checks. No one paid attention to a small omega moving through the corridors.
Lilith walked with purpose. Down the stairs. Through the back corridor. Out a side entrance that she’d noticed on her first visit.
The night air hit her like a shock.
The full moon was rising, huge and blue and terrifying in a way she couldn’t quite name. The sounds of Shadowmere’s transformation chaos were beginning, warriors preparing for the shift, the first few howls starting to echo across the territory.
She had to move fast.
Her old omega room was in the residential sector, far from the hospital. It took her twenty minutes to get there, moving quickly but quietly, avoiding the main roads where warriors were gathering. She kept her head down. Made herself small. Became the kind of invisible that omegas were trained to be.
When she finally reached the old sector, she found the room exactly as she remembered it.
Small. Bare. A single narrow bed. A dresser with nothing on top of it. A window that looked out at nothing.
She locked the door behind her, a useless gesture on a room meant for omegas, a lock that could be overridden in seconds. But the sound of it clicking gave her some small sense of safety.
She sat on the edge of the bed.
Outside, the full moon rose higher. The sounds of the pack’s transformation grew louder. Warriors howling. Wolves calling to each other. The ancient, primal chaos of a pack experiencing the lunar pull.
Lilith lay down on the thin mattress and pulled the scratchy blanket over herself.
She fell asleep with the sound of howls outside her window.
***
She woke to silence.
The full moon had passed. The chaos outside had faded into the quiet of post-transformation exhaustion. Warriors were sleeping off the night. Wolves were retreating into the depths of human consciousness.
Lilith checked the time on the small clock by the bed: 6:23 AM.
She had time.
She showered in the small bathroom attached to the omega room, the water was cold but it helped her wake up, helped her feel clean, helped her prepare for what came next.
Then she dressed in the clothes she’d worn yesterday and retraced her steps through the quiet territory.
***
The hospital was just beginning to wake up.
The day shift was arriving. Night nurses were finishing their rounds. The building was stirring to life as the sun crept over the horizon.
Lilith took the stairs to the third floor. When she opened the door, heer mother was still where she left her yesterday. Unresponsive and warm.
She took her mother’s hand into her own.
She stayed until 10:15 AM.
Holding her mother’s hand. Whispering things she couldn’t say to anyone else. Telling her about the book on wolf-witch alliances. About Sera and her quiet friendship. About the library where she’d hidden herself in words.
She told her mother that she was surviving.
That she was strong enough for both of them.
That she was going to find a way to make this right.
At 10:30 AM, she forced herself to stand.
"I have to go," she whispered. "But you’re getting stronger. I can feel it. You’re coming back to me, and that’s all that matters."
She kissed her mother’s forehead one last time.
Then she walked out of the room and closed the door quietly behind her.
***
Marcus was waiting with the car at 11:12 AM.
He opened the passenger door without a word. Didn’t ask where she’d been the night before. Didn’t mention that she’d clearly slipped away from the hospital for hours.
Just waited for her to settle into the seat.
Lilith looked back at Shadowmere territory one more time.
At the pack that had cast her aside. At the home that no longer belonged to her.
Then she turned forward.
"Let’s go," she said quietly.
The car pulled out onto the road.
Four hours back to the Blackwood estate.
Four hours to prepare herself for what came next. For the brothers who’d sent her away. For the life she was living that felt increasingly like a dream she couldn’t wake up from.
The road stretched ahead.
And Lilith closed her eyes and waited for what came next.
