Chapter 25: House Husband of Chaos
After a few seconds that felt like absolute hours to Yuki, Malakai finally removed his hand from Yuki’s lower abdomen.
Instantly, a bright projection of Yuki’s status window appeared directly inside Malakai’s mind. The ancient demon narrowed his eyes and began to read through Yuki’s traits and passives out loud.
"Race: Modified Pureblood Vampire... that part seems normal," Malakai muttered. "Physical Modification: [Tongue Length: 8 inches] Details: Exactly 4 inches longer than the Pureblood Vampire racial average. Optimized for extreme dexterity and... ’practical application.’"
Malakai paused, and deadpanned over to Yuki. "...’Practical application’? What kind of application would ever require a tongue that long? My tongue is only six inches long, and the only main thing I use it for is to lick Carmilla."
Yuki’s face flushed a bright, embarrassing red.
Malakai ignored him, moving down the list. "Physical Modification: [Digital Dexterity] Details: Muscle fibers in the hands and fingers have been rendered 200% more flexible and rapid. Optimized for high-tier body relaxation and massage therapy."
Malakai stopped again, looking thoroughly surprised. "You specialized in massages?"
"Yeah! I am a certified professional at it and I’m very good with my hands," Yuki said proudly, momentarily forgetting he was being interrogated.
"..."
Malakai stared at the screen. "Are your passives just entirely tuned toward... sex?"
"Huh?! What?! No!" Yuki stammered out, waving his pinned hands as much as he could. "That’s... that’s just a total coincidence! I worked as an honest man in my past life!"
"Yeah. Sure you did," Malakai said flatly, not believing a single word he said.
He focused internally, continuing to scroll through Yuki’s internal modifications, but the Special Passives section certainly wasn’t helping Yuki’s plea of innocence.
✨ Special Passives Section
[Expert in Bed] (System optimization for partner satisfaction)
[Master Massager] (Works hand-in-hand with his Digital Dexterity)
[Nimble Fingers] (Allows for incredibly fast, precise hand movements)
[Anatomy Specialist] (Provides perfect knowledge of pressure points and biological weak spots)
"..."
Malakai slowly looked up from the screen, staring directly into Yuki’s soul. Yuki, of course, knew exactly what the demon had just uncovered. Sweating bullets, Yuki violently whipped his face away to avoid eye contact.
"Um, listen, it’s really not what it looks like!" Yuki whined. "My System just... it likes to word things in a scandalous and surreal manner!"
"It literally says ’Expert in Bed.’ Yuki, explain that."
"....I..... can’t."
Malakai let out a long, heavy sigh. "You are one incredibly strange person, you know that?"
"Is that a compliment?" Yuki asked innocently.
"No."
"Oh."
Malakai scanned the final section of the window.
🍳 Standard Passive Skills
[Master Chef] (Why his honey-roasted steaks are legendary)
[Expert Skinner] (For gathering pristine monster materials efficiently)
[Tailor] (For crafting and repairing comfortable clothing)
[Advanced Regeneration] (You could rip him in half and he still will not die)
"Everything else is pretty much what I expected from your baseline personality," Malakai murmured, closing the window. "And there is absolutely nothing in there explaining why your core is so entirely pure."
"I told you so!" Yuki grumbled, squirming against the counter. "Now let me go... please."
"Hummm..... Fine." Malakai finally released Yuki’s limbs, stepping backward into the room. "But I’ll be watching you, so don’t try anything funny."
"I don’t plan on it," Yuki huffed, aggressively rubbing his sore wrists. "Now, I’m going to start cooking dinner for the girls. You just... stay over there or something."
"Will do."
Malakai sat down on a carved stone stool and silently watched Yuki work. While checking back through his own memories of the boy’s status, Malakai couldn’t help but reflect on Yuki’s core ability, Vampire Monarch, and its primary branch ability, Blood Contract. Those were two terrifyingly powerful abilities. Yet, strangely, Yuki didn’t have a single person bound under a contract, nor did he have any subordinate vampires under his command.
’In my entire life, I have only ever met two other Pureblood Vampires who possessed the core ability of a Vampire Monarch,’ Malakai thought to himself, propping his chin on his hand. ’And somehow, the third person I meet with it is a pretty boy who wants nothing more than a simple, comfortable life. Despite literally having the power to command and control others, he has no followers—only his single beastkin familiar...’
Malakai let out a quiet chuckle. ’I guess I completely overreacted. It’s not every day you find someone with the literal capabilities to become the Demon King who chooses to be a house husband instead.’
Time passed quietly in the cavern as Yuki finished up his cooking and began setting the dishes on the unfolded table. What was originally supposed to be a couple of simple honey-roasted steaks had somehow transformed into a full multi-course gourmet meal.
Malakai was left utterly stunned by the sight. He had watched Yuki cook the entire thing with his own eyes, yet he still couldn’t believe it. This boy had somehow managed to turn basic dungeon animals and local foraging plants into a high-class meal with a jaw-dropping aroma.
Suddenly, a profound realization hit Malakai. Because of Yuki’s completely pure core, his conversion rate from raw essence to active mana would be incredibly high and lightning-fast. Once Yuki eventually ranked up and unlocked a magic-based branch ability, he would practically be able to cast spells indefinitely without ever running dry.
"...Yeah, I’m keeping you," Malakai chuckled softly to himself. "An asset like you would benefit my Lady Carmilla heavily."
"Wha—whaddya mean by that?!" Yuki stammered out, his mouth full of a sample piece of steak as he mumbled his words defensively. "You can’t keep me! I’m a person, not a pet!"
"I meant it in a metaphorical sense, kid."
Yuki chewed and swallowed, tilting his head back to look at the massive demon. "...Is Carmilla your wife?" he asked completely innocently.
Malakai choked on his own breath, his eyes widening. "...No? She isn’t. Why would you ask that? What makes you think she’s my wife?"
"Well, you don’t just do all of that for just anyone," Yuki pointed out, gesturing with his cooking spoon. "Everything you’ve done today, you explicitly said it was for her."
"Ha! Of course it is," Malakai chuckled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I am her bound familiar. Her absolute safety is my top priority."
"Yeah... but you didn’t do all this out of a strict sense of duty," Yuki said, raising a knowing eyebrow and smirking. "If you did, you would have just left me alone for a while longer to observe me. But instead, you got all protective, serious, and explosive the moment she left the room. So... do you have romantic feelings for her?"
"Our relationship is strictly that of Master and servant," Malakai replied smoothly, shrugging his broad shoulders.
"Oh, really? So do you plan to upgrade your status to her exclusive servant? If you know what I’m implying," Yuki teased, flashing a mischievous grin.
Malakai’s golden eyes narrowed, a dark, heavy aura flaring around his shoulders. "Do you want me to pin you down against that counter again?"
"No."
"Then stop asking stupid questions."
"Heh, heh. Okay, okay, lover boy," Yuki laughed to himself, turning back to the table to finish setting up the plates. "You do you."
