Chapter 83: [Chapter 083] I missed you.
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Why does he keep saying these things to me? What kind of person am I to him?
"If you can completely rid yourself of your suspicions about my brother, I'll do everything I can to help. "
Don't run away. Don't abandon me. Please, don't leave me. After circling back to confirm each other's existence, he always begged me like this. It broke my heart mercilessly. The fact that Roardnes was in this deathbed of mine felt like a mirage. I was momentarily speechless and blankly stared at him. But as if that silence was even more difficult, Roardnes' voice burst out nonstop.
"If you say you hate even the slightest connection with Bliere Acacia, I'll gladly do that. Even this distance is fine. "
Roardnes was staring at the space between us, which was barely a step away.
"Even if we're friends, I'll live alone forever. "
He said things that a prince of a country couldn't dare say. Friend. He too realized that there were many things to unravel if he wanted to envision a future between us.
"All I want is to be this close to you. To protect you. To watch over you. "
Roardnes watched me silently swallowing my tears and then distorted his face as if he couldn't stand it anymore. He knelt down in front of me without hesitation. I was so surprised that I froze, then hurriedly knelt down with him. Roardnes wasn't crying, but his face was already full of tears.
"So please... don't tell me this is the end of us. "
Oh my god. How could I dare tell him it was over? With what right could I do that to him? How could I boldly say such a thing to a man who had repeatedly told me not to run away? But Roardnes' face was sincere. Every organ in my body that allowed me to breathe ached. I was so tormented. It felt like I was nothing more than a fugitive to him.
"No. "
"Please..."
"No, don't do this. "
"...Don't leave me. "
With a face flushed red from excitement, he threw the sword, still stained with Noebian's blood, onto the floor. He grabbed my hand that was about to stop him and pressed it against his cheek. His thin cheek beneath my hand, which was so frail and trembling, distorted my face. His thin, trembling, pitiful cheek felt like it was stabbing my palm. Large tears rolled down Roardnes' bloodshot eyes. A man who was so strong and fearless. A man who had no reason to do this to me. He was crying, begging me not to leave him, clinging to the fake shell of a dead woman. Cowan, wanting to run to us, was kicking so hard that the bedpost where his leash was tied was about to be pulled out. But instead of being distracted by the dog, I couldn't take my eyes off Roardnes' face. I just gaped at him, not knowing what to say to him who was sobbing. Hot tears soaked my hand. Every time tears poured out of his eyes nonstop, I felt my heart being thinly sliced by a sword. Oh, when did I start feeling so sorry for Roardnes? When did I start wanting to hug him so much? I tightly grasped the hand that he hadn't taken. I couldn't say anything to the man who was crying without even looking at me.
"...You're really a fool."
Roardnes slowly raised his head after a long time. I gently stroked his cheek with the hand that he was tightly holding.
"Why do you act like you're the only one who wants me and desires me?"
Tears welled up in Roardnes' eyes. It was a surprising change. That change alone made my mind clear instantly. I couldn't give him false hope and make things more complicated later. I couldn't tell him that I thought I could have a future with him once Noebian was eliminated. Because if I investigated the Crown Prince and found even the slightest connection to my death, who knew how our relationship would change? I thought that if I could only uncover the truth, I could even abandon Bliere's body. I was so sick of being so foolishly ignorant and being stunned by the pouring truth. I wanted to investigate not only the Crown Prince but also Doris.
'Why are there so many tangled things between us?'
I pitifully looked at Roardnes, who was desperately holding onto my hand that was stroking his cheek. After I spoke in a gentle voice, Roardnes stared at my mouth as if he had found an oasis in a desert. It was as if the words I had just uttered were floating in the air, taking shape. After Noebian's confession, I had constantly worried about my relationship with Roardnes. It was a worry I had put off since I revealed my identity to Roardnes. Given my current situation, could I envision a future with Roardnes? My future with him became even more uncertain when I became involved with the Crown Prince. The reason Roardnes was holding onto me so tightly was probably because he was afraid that I wasn't envisioning a future with him. I wouldn't stop investigating the secret, and I would inevitably have to touch the brother Roardnes loved most. If that happened, he would have no choice but to suffer between the Crown Prince and me. Seeing him suffer would be painful for me too. But, when Roardnes pleaded so sincerely like this, could I cowardly turn my back on this relationship?
'I couldn't recognize you because I was fooled by a mere disguise, but you eventually recognized me even though I was in someone else's body.'
'I like you.'
'I like you, no matter what body I'm in, no matter if it's Adrienne.'
Words I couldn't dare to confess filled my mouth. I wanted to embrace his immense sincerity too. Even if it was too early to tell him I loved him right now, I at least wanted to tell him that I missed him while we were apart. I wanted to be by his side and rely on him. But I knew very well how great a sin it was to say things I couldn't be responsible for.
"...I missed you."
But, but wouldn't this much sincerity be okay for a man who was crying?
"I missed you, Roan."
It was as if saying his name was so difficult. As I uttered his name, my abdomen felt heavy as if it had a heavy weight tied to it. But strangely, my head felt refreshed.
Roardnes stared blankly at my face for a while, then sighed briefly.
"A friend, even as a friend... it's okay to miss someone."
It was a sincere message hidden in the word 'friend', but it was a great courage for me. But as if he couldn't hear my cowardly excuse, his wet eyes that had finally received an answer to a long-time prayer began to sparkle. I hugged him to hide my flushed face. His shoulders were too wide, and I struggled to wrap my arms around him before finally getting into position. In an instant, I was completely engulfed in Roardnes' arms. Roardnes, who pulled my neck and waist tightly, knelt down and hugged me with all his might. I was involuntarily pulled up as much as he got up and was buried deep in his arms. Roardnes, who buried his face in my nape, was crying hot tears. The man who couldn't cry out was silently swallowing sobs like screams. I couldn't push him away, and I swallowed my tears with my palm on his heart that was beating so hard. Bang! Bang! Cowan, who was going crazy because of his owner's strange behavior, finally broke the leash and ran towards us, hitting Roardnes hard with his front paws and nose. It seemed like he thought he was going to crush me. Even though I should have been distracted by the panting dog, Roardnes cried like that for a long time and then suddenly shrugged his shoulders. It was about time my legs were cramped and my nape felt cold from being so wet. As soon as I gently pushed his sturdy chest away, I was hugged tightly by Roardnes again. Roardnes, who hugged me as if squeezing me, rubbed his wet face against my nape because he didn't want to show his wet face. It felt so ticklish and strange that I shuddered. Strangely, it didn't seem like he was crying anymore. Roardnes, who raised his head, pressed my head against his chest as if to bury it and breathed heavily for a while.
"I'm hopeless too."
It was a long time before Roardnes, who had easily ignored Cowan trying to squeeze between us, opened his mouth.
"In this situation..."
My heart was pounding so wildly that I thought his still-racing heartbeat had transferred to me.
"In this absurd situation, where you must be the most miserable..."
The strength in his hand, which was still pressing against the back of my head, loosened, and I carefully raised my head.
"My heart feels so full, as if I've gained the whole world."
Roardnes' face, bathed in the moonlight, shone with a cold light, but at the same time, it was as bright as the rising sun.
"Those simple words, 'I missed you,' are as sweet as eating the sweetest thing in the world."
I could no longer tell whose heart was pounding.
"I could die happily, it's so sweet. Adrienne."
His excited heartbeat, transmitted through my fingertips, felt like a wildfire spreading through my whole body, like dry grass catching fire.
****
"It's been handled."
Doris covered the corner of her mouth with the teacup she raised as she watched the Crown Prince's sullen face. If she hadn't bitten her tongue, she might have burst out laughing so loudly that it would have echoed through the Crown Princess's palace. According to what she had heard from the Countess of Jusetta, Noebian Trovica's reputation had plummeted. A scholar who had kidnapped and murdered the Emperor's mistress was an unbelievable scandal.
"I will be faithful to Your Highness. For the sake of our future, please..."
"I understand what you mean, Your Highness."
Doris also preferred to let it slide, rather than needlessly provoking the Duke of Castagna and making a fuss. The Grand Duke wasn't a fool, and he couldn't have sent monsters or rebels to Castagna's direct territory in the vast west. If he had immediately started an investigation and found even a trace, he might have suffered some kind of attack. Although a few monsters had occasionally crossed over and caused damage, the territories directly related to Castagna were generally safe. In fact, she could even be grateful in some ways, as several senior vassals who had occasionally challenged her father had been sacrificed.
"Your Highness, I'm just now realizing that you're my husband."
"..."
"When shall we set a date for the consummation?"
The Crown Prince's eyes trembled slightly at the mention of consummation, which she had blurted out. She almost burst out laughing again at his pitiful appearance, like a child who had lost his parents.
"When I'm ready, I'll choose a good day and invite Your Highness."
Doris no longer needed an answer from the Crown Prince.
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