Chapter 55: [Chapter 055] I won’t look back, I won’t give up
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"Why are you saying nothing?"
"I'm wondering if I heard correctly."
The Emperor narrowed his eyes suspiciously. He had patiently watched Roardnes, who had been sitting with his legs crossed, casually buttoning up the two unbuttoned shirt buttons and properly tying the cravat that had been carelessly tucked into his pocket.
"If I had seen you two days ago, I would have been in a more proper state."
Noticing a slight displeasure in the Emperor's gaze, Roardnes chuckled and made an excuse first.
"The meeting with the Elaconian delegation was long. If I had known you would make such a decision, I would have granted you an audience even late at night."
The Emperor finally uncrossed his long legs and sat up straight, looking at his son. The first words of his prodigal son, who had barged in before dawn, were:
'I will find your father's mistress.'
A sentence that completely omitted the more elegant words, 'the Kuroseda Baroness missing person case'. The Emperor, whose mind had been dazed by the early morning, was suddenly wide awake.
"So you're finally trying to understand your father."
"You're mistaken."
The relaxed smile immediately turned cold. The Emperor immediately shut his mouth. When he was young, his son had always been upright and kind, but at some point, he had gradually gone astray. He became strangely estranged, wandered, and even when there were incredible rumors about him, he would not offer any explanation and would even seem to provoke people further. He thought there was no way such a son would listen to his request. But seeing him come early in the morning and say that he would find his mistress, it seemed that despite his crooked ways, he had changed his mind after all. Those in charge of the case had repeatedly failed and were demoted. Moreover, what had initially been a secret investigation had spread, and all the central nobles knew about the rumor of the Kuroseda Baroness and himself. A secret known only to a few had become a known fact to everyone. Someone reliable, someone from the royal family, had to take charge.
"In return, I have a condition."
"...A condition?"
The Crown Prince could not take on such a task, the strategist Noebian was in mourning, and the Ninth Prince Epero was in Elacon, and considering that his mother was the current Empress, he might even try to kill the Baroness if he found her. Remembering the warm, sunny days of Roardnes's childhood, the Emperor secretly trusted Roardnes, who seemed to be stumbling but had always been recognized for his achievements on the battlefield.
"I've been rolling around on the battlefield for over two years. I need a rest and I need to get married like everyone else."
"...!"
"There's someone I want to be with."
For a moment, the Emperor was speechless and stared intently at Roardnes's face. Roardnes had said something very similar two years ago.
'In exchange for subduing the monsters, let me marry before my brother.'
'Haha, you, no matter what, how can you marry before your brother?'
'I have a lady in mind. One of the ladies your Majesty is considering as a candidate for the Crown Princess.'
'Don't tell me you mean Doris Castagna?'
'I want to be with Adrien Pyreta.'
'!'
'My brother has given his permission. Yes?'
The boy who had knelt down and begged earnestly disappeared like a mirage, and a robust man with a cold smile came into view. After the woman he loved married another man, the son, who had never returned to the capital, seemed to be in despair due to her death. Although he had not been able to actively help him, he had given him time to stand on his own two feet. But now, suddenly, he was talking about getting married...
"The lady you have in mind..."
"She's not a lady, she's my wife."
"Roan!"
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"You can't hide it from me."
Oh my god. With that one word, the Emperor could not add anything more. The sensual lips, which had been trying to smile, no longer moved.
"Come to think of it, I think Father is mistaken. I think my madness has returned because I understand my father too well."
The word 'madness' from Roardnes's mouth made the Emperor's head spin. As his red eyes, which shone more brilliantly in the morning light, stared at him as if piercing through him, he immediately felt his mouth go dry.
"...Tell me who it is."
"You'll find out. I don't have any plans to hide it. And..."
The tall figure, who had been sitting crookedly, got up from the sofa. The Emperor followed his gaze up to the long shadow in front of him. Roardnes's expression, shrouded in a shallow darkness, was indistinguishable whether it was sadness or joy, but his low, sunken voice clearly indicated that he was not helping his father out of goodwill.
"I won't let this go, no matter what excuse you make."
***
Roardnes left the Emperor's study without hesitation and leaned against the door. The fatigue that had been building up inside him exploded like a shell. After confirming that Adrien's spirit was not dead, he had managed to fall asleep, but he would wake up abruptly in the middle of the night and run to his study to check the package of cookies in his drawer before he could fall asleep again. The cookies, which he couldn't bring himself to eat because they were too precious, comforted him, hidden under the cute packaging. Even now, he felt an irresistible urge to run to his study.
"Oh, Lord Roardnes?"
A surprised voice called out to him, lost in thought. It was Doris. Roardnes quickly straightened up from leaning against the door.
"It's so nice to see you so often these days."
Roardnes walked in front of Doris, slightly bowing his head. His face was clearly tired, but his eyes, which had been slightly glazed over for the past few months, were not. Doris smiled brightly and ran her fingers through her hair as if to show off.
"His Majesty is inside. He seems to be busy these days, Your Highness."
"It's because of the final preparations for the welcoming ceremony of the envoy. If it weren't for that, I would always be free. So I have plenty of time to talk to Lord Roardnes."
Ignoring Doris's subtle words, Roardnes followed her gaze as she ran her fingers through her hair. It felt as if every place his gaze touched was being caressed by a large, hot hand, and Doris let out a low moan and forced a smile.
"Since His Highness is so indifferent, I hope you won't consider it rude if I rely on you, Lord Roardnes?"
His red eyes, devoid of emotion, were beautiful nonetheless.
"May I leave now?"
His voice was calm, as if he were simply nodding his head, but to Doris, it felt low and sweet, like warm water. With a blissful expression as if she had dipped her ears into that water, Doris realized that Roardnes' words were in fact a subtle dismissal. She felt a sense of urgency.
"Don't you think something seems different about me?"
"I'm not sure."
A subtle lavender scent came from his slightly open shirt. Drawn to it, Doris's expression hardened instantly. It was because Doris, dyed with black hair and wearing a dress from Madame Leblère, was clearly different from before.
"I see."
Without even glancing at Doris's disappointed expression, Roardnes simply nodded and turned to leave. Doris, who wanted to say something, quickly opened her mouth.
"Are you going to the Count of Acacia's manor now?"
"...What do you mean?"
"Oh, people are saying you have a new lover, but it seems it was all just a rumor. I just sent a mourner from my side because Count Acacia passed away yesterday."
Ripples formed on his face, which had been as flawless as a well-carved statue. Doris widened her eyes as if she were encountering something strange, and she stood there, staring blankly at Roardnes as he disappeared into the distance.
***
The sun, which seemed like it would never rise, finally appeared outside the window. I couldn't even bear the thin rays of sunlight filtering through the curtains, so I angrily shut them. Night after night, incredibly difficult Elaconian words had etched themselves into my eyes and then faded away. My mouth was so dry from not having had a sip of water since the morning before that it felt like it would crack and shatter with every word I spoke. Extreme fatigue clouded my mind, but strangely, my senses were overly sharp. I jumped up at the sound of distant hoofbeats. Very close by, Neil's voice rumbled, followed by the harsh sound of the mansion's iron gate opening. There seemed to have been an argument during the process, as the sound of someone trying to calm someone else echoed continuously. Even though my mind was in a daze, I hurriedly gathered all the things I had taken from the Count's safe.
"Is it Jimsker? Or Noebian?"
Even though the sun had risen, it was still early morning, so early that even the front door wasn't open. If they discovered these things, all my efforts from the night before would have been in vain. I collapsed and pulled up the round carpet under the tea table. Like a madwoman, I spread out the bundles of documents and Blier's diary flat and covered them with the carpet again. At the same time, the door to the study burst open. It was Roardnes, his eyes bloodshot. Behind him, I could see the startled faces of the old butler, Maggie, and Yona. With a bang, Roardnes slammed the door shut, as if sensing my gaze behind him. He grabbed me roughly, pulling me towards him as I was barely able to support myself on a chair.
"Roardnes...?"
"Don't say anything."
A very large body. A very warm temperature. An incredibly sweet scent. It felt like the muddled thoughts in my head were being unraveled. I paused for a moment in Roardnes's firm embrace, as if I were lying on a huge bed. I took a deep breath, which I had been holding back. He was panting just as hard. Noticing my weak legs, Roardnes held me firmly. As I slowly pushed him away, I saw his disheveled face. His face, which seemed to be burning and at the same time deeply sunken, was turned towards me.
"From now on, your guard will be Vincent, not Neil."
"What...?"
"I was going to fire him anyway. How could he report this situation...?"
"I told him to, Roardnes."
"Your paper husband is dead. And that bastard Noebian came here last night. You didn't eat anything all day because of the shock, and..."
"I think Noebian killed the Count."
Roardnes, who had been rambling on about the information Neil had carelessly revealed, stopped breathing. I pushed away his arm, which seemed afraid to let go of me, and collapsed onto the chair I had been leaning on. Roardnes grabbed my cold hands tightly, as if he were afraid of losing me.
"Yesterday, I thought... what if..."
"Stop."
"What if Noebian killed you too."
"Adrien."
"After killing the Count, who was on my side, in such a senseless way, what would stop him from killing you...?"
Only when I looked into Roardnes's face did I realize what had been causing the fear that had consumed me all day yesterday. If he had killed someone he loved so much, and even the Count who had been loyal to him, what would stop him from killing Roardnes? The thought, which I had tried to suppress because it was too terrifying, had crept up on me, and when I found Blier's diary, all my emotions had exploded. That was why my heart had been burning and aching all night. I looked up at Roardnes, who was still holding my hands tightly. He looked down at me as if the words coming out of my mouth were the most terrifying thing in the world. His red eyes flickered with a reasonless desperation.
"Don't say you want to be away from me."
And then he was the one who started talking.
"He can't kill me, Adrien."
He knelt down in front of me like he was comforting a crying child. His hands, which he was holding tightly, trembled slightly.
"I know exactly what you're afraid of. But it's a mistake to think that the weak side of me that you see applies to everyone else."
His voice, which had been so low and cold that it was hard to hear after he revealed his identity, was strangely comforting. Unlike his trembling hands, Roardnes' face was firm, and when the sunlight that had been bothering me earlier shone on him, it was as if I were facing a god that no one could harm. But he was wrong to assume that I would say goodbye to him. The fear that had been trembling in my body turned into a strange, joyful tremor because of the confidence he gave me. I grabbed his hand tightly and pulled him closer to me. He still seemed afraid that I would say goodbye.
"The fear of being away from you was me yesterday, Roan."
"!"
In Blier's dark study, where only a little light was seeping in.
"I think Noebian wants me to regret running away from you and not listening to him..."
I whispered softly to Roardnes, who was kneeling in front of me.
"I'm not going to regret it, or back down."
Noebian.
'I'm sorry, but... I'm not going to give up.'
"I'll see this through to the end."
I didn't think my face would look very pretty with my distorted smile. But Roardnes couldn't take his eyes off my face and opened his mouth.
"Go to the end. I'll be by your side."
And he gave me absolute assurance. Just like Blier Acacia had given me unfounded assurance.
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