Chapter 41: Eat Your Heart Out
On the same night Sophia fought off a fever while a masked man took tender care of her, a worried Penelope Shire went to see Courtesan Lila...
PENELOPE
"I need more."
Courtesan Lila paused in powdering her face. She met my gaze in her mirror. "It’s only been a few days. I gave you advice, skills, and a powerful aphrodisiac. All three together would be enough to keep a lover for months, if not years."
"The powder works better. If Jace doesn’t take it, he starts thinking about his wife."
"Getting into a man’s bed is far easier than getting into his heart. Especially if another already occupies it."
I gripped the edges of my dress. "I’ve been by his side for seven years. He didn’t even like her. Not until the Hunter’s Ball when she showed up all..." I couldn’t find the words to describe her transformation. "And now he’s obsessed. It makes no sense."
"There’s an ancient saying that holds true even today. For men, a wife is not as good as a concubine, a concubine is not as good as a maid, a maid is not as good as a prostitute, and a prostitute is not as good as a stolen lover."
"What does that mean?"
"Men want what they can’t have. And when they get it, they no longer want it. He probably enjoyed the will-we-won’t-me game with you. And now that he’s had you..."
"Are you saying he’s tired of me?"
"I’m saying you’ll need to raise the stakes to keep his interest. Besides, if you use the incense for too long, it will lose its effectiveness. If you use the powder for too long, you’ll end up poisoning your lover."
"I want him to only want me. To only think of me."
The courtesan laughed. "You, and every other woman who’s tried to hold onto a man. Love is fickle. Cruel. And men are unreliable." She patted the curls in her hair. "The truth is that your lover never truly had you in his heart. If he did, you wouldn’t be using underhanded tricks to keep his attention."
I gritted my teeth. If Jace ousted me from his life, I would have nowhere to go. My father was a useless drunkard. I had no money, no home, no title. nothing. Clinging to Jace was my only way out of a miserable existence.
"I need him to be attentive until I’m pregnant," I said. "A child will bind him to me."
She sighed. "I’ve seen many women go down this road, Penelope. None found happiness. Feelings disappear. And children born from desperation and greed are not good tools for you to use. If you bring a baby into this world in the hopes it will matter to your married lover, then you’re delusional."
"He wouldn’t abandon his child. Or me. His stupid wife and their stupid arranged marriage keeps him bound. He would marry me if that bitch wasn’t in the way."
"I see. You can’t hear what I’m saying because you’re deaf to the truth." She shook her head. I’ll sell you the powder one more time," said Courtesan Lila. "This will be the last time we see each other. Don’t come back. You won’t be allowed to enter."
I wanted the powder, so I nodded in agreement. I paid for the packet and left the building. Outside, the wharf smelled fishy. Disgusting. I would have to walk a few blocks to get to an area where cabs would be available.
As I walked, I thought about Courtesan Lila. What did she know? She whored for a living. She’d obviously given up on having a decent life. "Thinks she’s a philosopher," I muttered. "What a bitch."
***|***|***
SOPHIA
I dreamed of a little boy with a wound on his arm and a chip on his shoulder. But he still ate the candy I gave him.
I dreamed of an older boy who waited for me after school every day. He took me to the bakery and bought special-made tea cakes for just the two of us.
I dreamed of a teenager carving the oak tree in the Willowmarch garden. When he was done, he showed me the heart with our initials inside it.
I dreamed of a man in a silver and black uniform who carried me away from my husband, my life. We climbed into an airship and flew away into the starry night sky.
And I dreamed of a masked man with a familiar smile who whispered prayers to old gods while he pressed a cold cloth against my feverish body.
When I woke up, my mother sat in a chair next to my bed, watching over me.
"Mother?"
"Sophia." She felt my forehead and nodded. "The fever is truly gone. You had us worried, child. You disappeared for two days."
"H-how did I get home?"
"A man named ... um, Hugh, I think ... brought you to the door. Said he found you in the forest. He took you to a doctor. He didn’t dare move you until your fever had broken. You’ve been asleep nearly the whole day."
"May I have some water, please?"
My mother poured a cup for me and I drank every drop. I leaned against the headboard and touched the tender spot near my temple. Ouch. And I had a headache, too.
"Hugh? I don’t know a Hugh." The story Mother told me didn’t match my memories. Not at all. There was a log cabin. A masked man.
Had I imagined all of that? Was I so out of my mind with fever I had hallucinations? And my dreams had been so odd. What about the one where I ate dinner with Jace and my in-laws while we talked about Penelope’s pregnancy? And more than one person had claimed I’d been married for three years.
But it had only been three months.
Then there was the nightmare about Penelope stabbing me in the neck and pushing me into the lake. That had felt so real. It had been terrifying. But she’d never done that. If she had, I wouldn’t be alive. I would probably still be floating in the lake.
None of it made sense.
Overwhelmed, I slid back down under the covers. "I don’t feel well."
"You should rest more," said Mother. "I’ll have Hannah bring you something to eat later." She got up and walked to the door. Then she stopped. "You know what? That man’s name wasn’t Hugh. It was Hune."
