Chapter 339 - 339: Human Factors.
[Edward POV]
Laying side by side with Haley on her bed, we both looked upward with smiles on our faces—our naked bodies hidden by the white blanket.
Haley turned slightly toward me and asked, "We managed to do it before Alex came back."
"She came back half an hour ago. She's in her room right now, studying," I replied casually. Taken aback, Haley sat up quickly and said, "Wait. She's back? Do you think she knows?" She held the blanket over her chest, though her back was bare.
"Absolutely not," I said, shaking my head with a slight chuckle. Alex went straight to her bedroom after entering the house.
Luke wore headphones as he played on my PlayStation, which I had lent to him. I didn't have any time to play it, so it was basically his now.
Haley sighed upon hearing this and asked, "We need a place of our own. I can't really enjoy it with the anxiety of people walking in and catching us in the act all the time."
I looked at her in disbelief and said, "You couldn't enjoy it? Really?"
Haley blushed slightly and replied, "Hey! I have some morals."
"Said the girl who pulled down my pants in her mom's kitchen," I teased. Irked, Haley pressed her body against mine and warned, " I'm not the one who put my girlfriend on the kitchen island and ate her—"
"Alex is coming here!" I said urgently as Robin notified me. Haley and I immediately jumped from the bed and put our clothes back on. By the time Alex arrived, we both stood by Haley's designer table, pretending to discuss her future.
"Like I said, we just have to build a simple recording studio. You can show your designs to the world and gain subscribers. If you level up your articulation, maybe you can even become a famous internet star," I said as I glanced around the room. In my mind, the blueprints of a talk-show studio were formed.
Haley gave me a 'what are you talking about?' look while Alex joined in unprompted, "Maybe she can write it down first before recording it. Then it may seem like she can articulate properly, even though she can't."
"I'm thinking more of a live podcast thing, but we can use that for her normal videos," I agreed slightly, turning to Alex.
Confused, Haley furrowed her eyebrows and said, "I don't think I want to be an internet celebrity." Haley rejected it without thinking further.
"Are you sure? You might not get anything now, but you're at a great starting point in the industry. You're cute, and you're smart—"
Alex interjected as Haley blushed slightly, "That can be debated."
I continued without minding Alex, "You have great fashion sense—maybe you can make some episodes where you teach people how to dress. And you could roast celebrities' fashion whenever the Met Gala season comes."
Haley blinked twice, her eyes gleaming with excitement. "Really? I can do that? Won't their fans attack me for it?"
I chuckled and said, "Maybe. But you will also attract people with the same mindset toward your channel. After you struggle for 2-3 years to build a strong fanbase, then you won't have to mind the haters."
As social media continues to grow, the bubble in which the celebrity worship happened will pop sooner or later. She's going to play the long game if she wants to do this.
Haley thought for a while and asked meekly, "Do you want me to do this because of my status? Like, I have to have some sort of status to be on your level—"
Startled, I immediately cut into her train of thought, "N—No. Not at all."
Alex suddenly interjected again, "Not to back Edward up or anything, but in his mind, there are always ways to make money. It cannot be shut down no matter what. Also, what's with your tones? Why are you guys talking affectionately now? Are you really dating now that mom gave you guys her blessing?"
Haley and I both turned to Alex simultaneously. Haley acted annoyed and said, "We just decided not to fight anymore!"
I spoke at the same time as her, "I usually have this tone. Haley's the one who keeps antagonizing me."
"What did you say?!" Haley turned to me again, actually annoyed this time. I smirked and said, "Isn't that true? You're always trying to pick a fight with me."
"I NEVER did!" she defended herself. "If anything, you always picked a fight with me!"
"What do you mean I picked a fight? I just gave you ways to make millions by the time you're 18 years old!"
Alex nodded slightly in agreement, "Yeah, Haley. He literally just helped you create a future career path—because God knows you won't go anywhere with your current academic prowess."
"Humph!" Haley stomped away angrily and shouted at us, "Both of you, get out of my room!"
Alex ignored her and asked, "Hey, Billie has been searching for you in the group chat. She wants to know when you guys are going to the TV show set."
"Oh, right. I'll reply to her. I have to see if your dad will be hospitalized tonight. If so, I want to visit him in the morning," I said as I took out my phone. However, something was stuck on the phone case as I pulled it out of my pocket.
A golden Magnum condom slid out and fell to the floor. Alex immediately noticed what it was and froze. Stunned, I froze for a few seconds too. Haley gasped and held her breath as she watched it happen.
"Co—Co—Co—" she stammered, her face bright red from embarrassment. I picked it up casually and put it back into my pocket. "Sorry about that. That was embarrassing. But my dad told me never to go out without protection."
Alex fell into confusion before her mind clicked, "He meant your security details!"
"It still protects me, though. I managed to escape from my hostage situation before using this."
"CONDOM!? YOU USED CONDOMS TO ESCAPE?!" Alex looked at me in disbelief.
I nodded and said cheekily, "Condom wrappers to be exact. But it may not have rubbers inside it."
Haley finally breathed a sigh of relief as she saw Alex slowly accepting that fact. I wasn't even lying; it was really my escape gadgets disguised as a condom. I did freeze a bit when I thought it was the real one, but that one was hidden underneath Haley's bed.
"It's a secret, so don't go around telling people. Otherwise, the next time I'm kidnapped, I can't use it anymore," I told Alex seriously.
Still skeptical, Alex challenged me, "Let me have a look. I want to see if it's real."
"No—" Haley tried to stop her, but her words got stuck in her throat. I took out the condom casually and handed it to Alex. She pressed on it and sensed a hidden rectangular compartment inside instead of the usual rubber.
"Oh," she exclaimed curtly, giving it back to me. "There's really something inside. A tracker?"
I nodded and said, "Yeah. I'm tinkering with a ring that can shoot lasers to cut through metal in case I'm handcuffed, but that's not possible in a short period of time."
"Instead of lasers, you could also use liquid nitrogen. It uses less energy," Alex said excitedly, clearly invested in the tech creation.
I nodded slightly, replying, "It'll be a little dangerous if I shoot it at my skin, but I think I'd face similar risks with a laser cutter. You know what? That's a really great idea. But to ruin the durability of something like handcuffs, it'll take quite a lot of liquid nitrogen—"
Alex suddenly sniffed something and said, "What's that squid smell—"
Haley grimaced and interjected quickly, "It's you! You're the one who smells!" She hurriedly opened the windows and declared, "All geeks need to get out of my room! Now!"
"Alright, alright," Alex agreed, rolling her eyes. "I can't believe I ever thought you guys would date each other. There's no way your personalities are compatible." She climbed back up the stairs.
I smiled and gave Haley a hug before leaving the house. "Call me if there's any new development with your dad," I told her as I exited.
"Be more interested in me than my dad. I'm getting a little jealous now that you're so worried about him," Haley said, playfully grimacing.
I chuckled and replied, "Bros before hoes. Your dad is my bro, so I have to worry about him more. It's in the bro code."
Haley burst into laughter. "Did you just call me a hoe? You're really getting on my nerves now."
I waved goodbye with a smirk. "Well, with everything you did today, can you even refute that?"
"I can! But I'm not going to!" Haley giggled again as she waved me off. "Bye~!" she shouted.
For some people, the jokes might be too much, but Haley loves that kind of humor where you imply things. If I had said, "Your dad is my bro, and you're my hoe," it would have turned into a huge fight between us.
Phil returned home two hours after I left. After shockwave lithotripsy, most patients can go home the same day, as the procedure is typically done on an outpatient basis. However, some may require a short period of observation in the recovery area, depending on their overall health and any potential complications.
He would pass the broken-up stones in a few days or even weeks, but it wouldn't be painful anymore. It was quite sad because I wanted to see the tall, blonde, gorgeous family of four women in the ward next to him, but I guess this was a better outcome overall.
If Claire were still a housewife, maybe she'd change into sexy clothes for the fireman, but right now she's a high-achieving professional, and a lot of people look up to her. So I didn't think she would do something like that again.
For Phil, he couldn't nullify the act he made by entertaining the four girls in the next ward with his magic tricks, especially with Claire's intention to flirt with the firemen. So getting back early was a good thing for him too.
...
The next morning, Billie and I went to the set of The Office together after I got the invitation from John Krasinski.
They were filming for the episode "The Banker" in Season 6. The episode was criticized as the worst of the season, but that was only after binge-watching became normalized.
In the current era, the episode, which consisted of excerpts from the previous episodes and seasons, was actually received well. Almost 7 million people watched the show on TV when it aired.
Not everyone would buy the DVD or tape the show, so they only watched it on TV when it was premiering. For ordinary fans and TV watchers, seeing flashbacks and popular clips from the show in a compilation wasn't that bad.
This episode had the lowest budget among all the others in the entire run of the show, and it was the one that aged most poorly– mostly because of streaming services.
"Hey! You're here!" John greeted me as I entered the set with Billie. He had an excited smile on his face, then turned to greet the girl next to me, "You must be Billie. Edward told me you're a huge Office fan."
A little embarrassed, Billie hid slightly behind me and replied to John with a nod. I glanced at her in disbelief and said, "Why are you so shy now? You told me you were going to give him hell with your piece of mind."
Billie pinched my back in anger and said, "I never said that! That didn't come out of my mouth."
"That's what she said!" I teased, leaving Billie stunned before she laughed. John laughed too and said, "Your favorite character must be Michael Scott. I'm really sorry, but only Rain and I are here right now."
"Really? Why?" Billie asked, a bit confused. John was taken aback by her sudden change of personality and said, "Um, we have to delay the shoot a little bit. But they will come around noon—well, some of them."
John didn't tell me this, but Steve Carell, who played Michael Scott, didn't quite like the script for today's shooting. He wanted to get involved with the creative process, but the budget was too restrictive for them to actually do anything.
"Can you tell us a bit about the episode you're filming?" I asked. Billie nodded eagerly, wanting to know more.
John was taken aback and stammered a bit before replying, "Um. Basically, an investment banker will come to the office to check on the inventory and see if there are any HR liabilities."
"That... sounds pretty boring," Billie blurted out subconsciously, which surprised John. He sighed wearily with a strained smile.
I admonished Billie, saying, "That's just the description. Your favorite episode can be described as having fire-safety training in the office. That too sounds boring on paper."
Billie thought about it before nodding in agreement. "Sorry," she apologized to John.
John waved his arm to dismiss the apology and said hurriedly, "No. You don't have to apologize. It did sound boring. I should've explained it better."
Rain Wilson, a.k.a. Dwight Schrute in the show, walked toward us with a solemn expression and asked, "Why is there a pipsqueak on the set? John, you should tell us first before you bring your niece to your workplace."
"Sorry about him; he's already in character," John said without even turning to Rain.
Rain burst into laughter and extended his hand towards me for a handshake, "Wow, what an honor to meet the guy who helped save the President of the United States."
"I did nothing much. Here, meet Billie. She's going to be one of the top pop singers in the world in the next five years," I said, pulling Billie to stand in front of me.
Dwight was her favorite character in the show, so she was starstruck as she met him.
"Really? Five years, huh? I'll be sure to remember that name," Rain said, taken aback by the introduction, then focused on Billie, shaking her hand. Billie laughed meekly and said, "He's exaggerating."
"Are you exaggerating, Edward?" Rain turned to me and asked aggressively.
I shook my head and said, "Not at all. She definitely will become one."
John chuckled and said, "Well, future pop star, current pop star, do you want to tour the set?"
"Yes, please!" Both Billie and I said at the same time.
We toured the conference room, the main office space, Michael Scott's office, the annex, and the break room. The interior set was located inside an actual office space in Panorama City, which was a 20-minute drive from my house.
"It's actually a clip episode?" Billie furrowed her eyebrows, her expression slightly disheartened.
John and Rain were taken aback by her reaction, and John asked, "Why? You don't like clip episodes?"
"I watch the show daily. Why would I want to watch a compilation of episodes I've just seen?" Billie replied.
I stayed out of the conversation, letting John stammer while he explained things to Billie. He could argue with me since I understood the industry, but he seemed hesitant in front of her. She was a genuine fan, and he didn't want to let her down.
"I guess it serves as a transition from Dunder Mifflin to Sabre," I chimed in, noticing John was losing ground.
John perked up and agreed with me, "Yes, definitely that."
"Oh. I guess that's fine then," Billie replied, her demeanor shifting.
Rain pulled me aside and asked, "Hey, the writer mentioned you've bought a few companies. Among us on set today, you actually have real-life experience in this matter. Do you want to read the script? I can't promise any credits, but I'm sure the network won't refuse if—"
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"Oh, no, I really don't care about the credits. I'd love to read the script," I said easily. If I were just an ordinary fan or star, Rain wouldn't be careful with his request, but I was kind of a big name, especially since they were making good money from Netflix.
It wasn't Rain who wanted my opinion; it was Jason Kessler, the writer, who had previously worked as a script coordinator. This was his first writing credit, and Rain was just helping him out.
In Hollywood, credits are taken seriously. If I contributed to the production, I was legally entitled to a writing credit and compensation. But honestly, I didn't want the reputation of bulldozing my way through productions—unless they specifically asked me.
The script was straightforward: Michael tried to impress the investment banker who came to fact-check his data about the branch. He even hired a fake Stanley and installed an AI program called 'Computron'—actually, Dwight Schrute behind a microphone—to make the office seem futuristic and highly capable in sales.
Since the banker wasn't actually responsible for the sale, Michael's entire presentation was pointless. It was merely a setup for the clips—nothing more.
Finally, around noon, I met the other cast members. Jenna Fischer and Steve Carell (Michael Scott) were there, although not many were needed for this episode.
"Hey! It's the creator and writer of Breaking Bad!" Steve rushed toward me as soon as he saw me. Billie gasped quietly, "It's Michael Scott."
I chuckled at her reaction and introduced myself to both Jenna and Steve.
"I talked with the network executive, so we might get some extra budget for the episode and not do a clip episode after all," Steve said to the cast and writers after our chat.
"We don't have most of the cast members," Rain replied. "Are you sure we can pull this off?"
Steve shook his head, "There are three more weeks before the premiere, so yeah, I think we can."
"That would be awesome," I blurted out, catching their attention.
"Wait, you said the episode is good," John looked at me skeptically.
I smiled wryly, "Well, I don't want to hurt your feelings. Changing it would be better for Netflix audiences too. We don't want to see clips of stuff we just watched."
"Don't want to hurt my feelings—" John muttered in disbelief, then chuckled wearily.
"Edward, do you want to write the episode?" Billie suddenly asked.
I turned to her, uncomfortable. "Me? I don't want to do any work right now. I want to enjoy the time before my world tour in peace. They have all the talent they need for the show."
"How about a cameo?" Steve joked. "I can be your nephew, and we can do a whole episode about nepotism." I agreed easily, catching him off guard.
"Wait. Really?" Billie's eyes lit up with excitement.
Before I left the set, Jenna hinted, "You know, I met Emily Blunt the other day, and her skin looked incredible. She said she only uses the products you made. She was so happy about it."
I laughed slightly, "Yeah. Too bad my house is destroyed; otherwise, I could make more."
"Ever think about selling it? And the pills too?" Jenna asked playfully, though she was serious.
I pretended to think it over and replied vaguely, "I might. But for now, it's just a privilege for the people who work for me."
Don't underestimate celebrities' pursuit of beauty; they'll go the extra mile to enhance their charisma. Jenna got the hint that she needed to get into my inner circle if she wanted the products.
"Maybe one day we can work together," she added with a coy smile. "Maybe we will." I smiled coyly too. Then, she gave me her personal number. I also got Angela Kinsey's phone number.
As I returned from the set, I headed straight to my high school to play football.
"Wait. Edward?" Tyler muttered in confusion as he changed into his gear and walked onto the field. The rest of the team looked equally puzzled.
"You really think I'd let you go so easily? You left the party without saying goodbye. You came to my place and disrespected me. So today, Jacob and I are going to destroy you." I said, acting out like Marlin Brando from the Godfather.
Jacob walked beside me, cracking his knuckles to project a menacing stance. It didn't quite intimidate the team, but it showed everyone he was on my side.
Tyrone muttered, "Edward, will it help if we say we're sorry?"
"No." I shook my head decisively.
Tyler grinned, "There are only two of you. Are you sure you want to go against all of us?"
"Do you really think you can stop me?" I grinned devilishly. "You've been too cocky with your win streak, so this will teach you a lesson you won't forget."
Kyle said with a deadpan expression, "Oh no. He's going crazy."
Tyler pursed his lips, "Well, we'll see about that. Just don't cry like a little baby afterward. I'll have mercy and only let five of my team play."
I shrugged and readily agreed. "Five, eleven, it doesn't matter at all. Do whatever you want."
Provoked by my words, the entire team had a fiery glint in their eyes as they prepared to face us.
Jacob muttered with slight concern, "Are you sure about this, Edward?"
"Yeah. I'm sure. Don't worry; you just need to hold them off for two seconds at the start, and your work will be done," I replied casually. Then, I narrowed my eyes at him, "Besides, it's your idea."
"Yes, but I didn't think that you would actually do it." Jacob exclaimed wryly.
...
[General POV]
"Holy shit. Edward's fucking destroying them," Tara muttered in shock as she saw the scoreboard from the bleachers.
Edward intercepted every run and predicted every throw. As soon as he got the ball, no one could stop him. The scoreboard read 36:6. Edward let them have the first touchdown before completely dominating the game.
Tyler shouted anxiously, feeling a flicker of hope as he saw Kyle catch the ball he threw. "Come on, run faster!" he urged. However, as Kyle ran, he made a 45-degree turn and stopped right in front of Edward.
Everyone was confused as they watched the situation unfold. Edward pulled out $100 and gave it to Kyle in exchange for the ball before he dashed off with it.
"YOU BETRAYER!" Tyler shouted at Kyle, who rubbed the money on his cheek with a perverted grin. Edward looked at Tyler smugly after scoring another touchdown.
"That doesn't count!" Tyler protested. "You clearly bribed him!"
"What bribery? Don't start accusing people just because you're a sore loser," Edward taunted.
Tyler nearly exploded with frustration before he decided to substitute Kyle for another player.
Haley, watching from the bleachers, said, "He's completely letting himself loose, huh? And why does he look so happy about it?"
Tara, immersed in the game, replied, "I wonder if he bribed any other players. Tyler must be so high-strung right now—he doesn't know who he can trust."
Selena, Tyler's girlfriend, muttered, "Honestly, he deserves it. He's been too cocky and hasn't practiced at all."
Before leaving, Edward decided to coach the team one last time. He wanted to remind them that hidden factors could influence a game, and they couldn't afford to be too cocky.
In the past few days, Edward hadn't focused on social media or his career. He just wanted to spend time with his friends and family before leaving.
Despite this, he kept making headlines. Since the New Year's Eve party, tabloids speculated about who he kissed. Some said Hudgens, others said Selena or Taylor.
Addison Timlin went on TMZ, claiming she had a negative interaction with Edward, but that article didn't gain traction since few knew who she was yet.
Hudgens made public appearances, discussing her upcoming singles in interviews. She praised Edward extensively, showing her obvious crush on him in the footage.
Additionally, Enid's short video of Edward interacting with his cat—mocking her meowing sound with his guitar—went viral. It was featured on various talk shows focused on celebrities.
Everyone wanted him on their show. Edward was a hot commodity in the entertainment industry, and every tidbit about him was valuable. Paparazzi swarmed his company building. If he hadn't asked Sage to protect his house, he might have never lived normally till now.
No drama. No conflicts. No problems.
That's how Edward wanted to spend the remainder of his days. But sometimes, fate can be cruel.
Franklin Middle School, parking lot. As Mrs. Henderson got into her car to head home for the day, she suddenly heard a gun cocking behind her.
"Don't scream. Don't look behind. Just look straight ahead," warned a mustached man wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, pointing a gun at her headrest.
"If you do anything I didn't tell you to do, I'll set off the bomb I left underneath the theater stage. The little kiddos are excitedly practicing for their Peter Pan performance. You don't want it to turn into the darkest day of their lives, do you?" he said menacingly, with a hint of amusement.
Mrs. Henderson sighed and agreed to his demands. "I got it."
"Good. Now drive us back to your place. Any detours, and I'll blow your head right off," he warned. Mrs. Henderson drove away from the parking lot, adhering to his orders.
"Huh? Mrs. Henderson and the janitor?" Enid accidentally spotted them while waiting for her sister to pick her up from school. "Where the fuck is Tara?" she cursed.