Chapter 126: Mafia / 1.12 : Realization (Part 2)
Yixin woke up in the middle of the night when he felt Atlas tossing and turning. He sat up and looked at him.
"Please believe in me for once."
Hearing that Yixin’s heart clenched in pain. Atlas has been through so much that even when he sleeps he’s scared no one will believe in him. Yixin woke him up gently and Atlas woke up startled and sat up.
He took a few breaths to calm down and felt Yixin pull him in his arms. He held onto him and closed his eyes. When his heartbeat slowed down he looked up at Yixin. He caressed his head and asked:
"Are you okay?"
Atlas pulled back and said:
"I am I don’t think the nightmare will ever stop."
He started to have them after his tenth life. It was too traumatic and now just the thought of it makes him feel anxious. When he would have nightmares he would wake up alone in the middle of the night with no one to hold him but he didn’t care or think much of it since he’s always been alone. But after spending a week with Yixin and having him comfort him and then rub his back until he fell asleep again it felt different.
His first night without him was hard, he was even having doubts about seeing him again. But why would he want to see him when he is engaged? He decided to focus on the mission and then see if he should see him again but then Yixin appeared. Even if it aligned with what he wanted he can’t stop thinking about what he said.
When he joked about how his fiance would feel about them passing the week together Yixin warned him not to talk about his fiance and said that he is a better person than he’ll ever be. At that moment he didn’t care but now it bothers him even if Yixin is aware of A-Xuan’s real nature now. Yixin was about to say something when Atlas asked out of the blue:
"Do you think I’m a bad person?"
Yixin was a little surprised by the abrupt change of subject but he answered:
"I don’t why would you ask that?"
Atlas put space between them and met his eyes.
"The day we met you warned me not to talk about your fiance because I’m not good enough and said that I’ll never be as good as him."
Yixin cursed inwardly, he should just learn to shut his mouth.
He can tell that he hurt Atlas and that’s the last thing he wants. He just convinced him to spend the night but that doesn’t mean he’ll want to be in a relationship with him.
"I’m sorry I was wrong I made a judgment not knowing about you or anything for that matter. Please forgive me."
Atlas looked into his eyes then down.
He knows that Yixin feels sorry for what he said it’s just that he cares about what he thinks more than he thought he would. He doesn’t want to waste time with someone who won’t take him for him and accept all his flaws and qualities.
"I won’t waste my time with someone who wishes I was someone I’m not. I’m not innocent or pure and I won’t pretend for anyone. I just want to be myself so if you can’t accept me for me then let’s just go our separate ways."
He’s used to people choosing the person who pretends to be pure rather than him but he never cared since he was a prisoner and it’s not like he could have a happy ending. But now that he is free he won’t pretend, he just wants to be himself. If Yixin needs this purity so badly in his life then he should look elsewhere he’s done playing a role anymore.
Atlas stood up to leave but Yixin pulled him on his lap. He was holding so tightly that Atlas couldn’t move. He looked at him and saw fear in his eyes, he felt stunned. He’s seen Yixin’s life and he knows what he’s been through but even during the worst he never felt fear.
"I want you Atlas no one else. I fell in love with you when you put down your wall. I was never going to let you go don’t you understand? The second you left I hired someone to find you but before he could give me the result we saw each other again at dinner."
Atlas looked at him astonished. He had no idea he was looking for him. He thought that he only did his homework when he found out he was related to A-Xuan. Yixin said:
"I don’t need you to be someone other than yourself."
Atlas swallowed and looked down. His eyes moistened. He’s used to everyone thinking he isn’t good enough.
They would all be drawn to someone else thinking that this person was the epitome of good and purity. He isn’t perfect and he wouldn’t pretend so he wasn’t worth anyone’s time or love. But Yixin loves him for him, he never acted like he was someone else when he was with him yet he fell in love. Even if he wanted to take him away from A-Xuan because he loathes him it would be a lie to say he feels nothing for him.
Yixin lifted Atlas’ face and saw that he was crying silent tears. He pulled him in his embrace and swore:
"I love you and I’ll never make you feel like you’re not good enough. You’re my soulmate and I believe in you. I always will."
Atlas’ body relaxed at those words. He pulled back and Yixin wiped his tears. Atlas leaned in and kissed him tenderly.
He didn’t realize how much he felt for Yixin until he saw him again. He was having doubts already before but when he saw him and A-Xuan sitting next to each other like a couple he was bothered. He doesn’t want him to care about someone other than him so knowing that he never felt anything for A-Xuan makes him feel better.
He feels possessive when it comes to Yixin and it’s not as if he can hide it. Even if he could he wouldn’t because he can be himself with Yixin. Atlas and Yixin laid down and fell asleep in each other’s arms again.
