Chapter 352: The Eldest Responsibility
Lucien felt that way? He had no idea... he was not one to show his emotions easily, that he knew, but to think that he had held so much inside of him... he should have told them, they could have helped, and more importantly, neither he nor Kade had those kinds of expectations from him. He was already enough; his knowledge had helped them, and if it wasn’t for him, he didn’t think they would have been able to survive the war with the orcs.
Actually, he had way exceeded their nonexistent expectations.
...
It was annoying, really, to look at these memories, because he knew that if he had known what they had been struggling with before they had died, maybe he could have helped, but now he never had the chance.
It made him feel useless... too late.
But at the same time, that was how life was... sometimes you miss the right time and place, and if you do, it’s too late. You fail, it’s cruel, you have one chance, and that’s it; you’re lucky if you get another.
You have to make the most of it, never to look back... but that is quite hard, for the majority, even for him, even if he knew it was the right thing to do, the human mind is bound to the past. And sometimes it does help, but it can also slow you down, hurt you.
It does make you wonder if forgetting everything is that bad.
After all, you would lose all the burden you carry on your shoulders. You lose all the hatred you had built up, all the regret that had been piercing your heart, and all the other emotions that were heavy on you.
But at the same time, for how long can you stay without remembering in one way or another? And when you do... what happens? Do you still go on the same path you were going when you lost your memory, or have you become who you used to be?
It’s your choice, really.
...
If you want to continue to be a new person, or to go back to the one you used to be.
Most people who have forgotten everything don’t think of their past self as them; many may not even consider their past memories theirs. They truly become someone else, thinking of their past self as another human.
It’s complicated, it really is, and it definitely takes a toll on your mind.
But maybe it’s not the worst thing.
After all, it’s one of the only chances for someone to become free from all the burdens.
He had only two left, two more memories to see.
...’ I... can do this.’
He was hesitant, after all, because of how things had been going; he had a very good idea of who was going to be the next person, and he really was not excited at all to see it. For Lucien, he hadn’t known the boy that well. But this next person...
Aether walked over to one of the many bodies, tilting his head. ’Let’s see, Kade, what do you have in store for me?’
...
...
...
The responsibility of an older sibling was to protect his siblings... it was true that he wasn’t related to any of them by blood, but still. He was still the oldest out of all of them. He had to protect them all...
He had been thrown on the streets of Veyr at a very young age, his parent’s complelty abandoned him. According to what his foster parents had told him, it was because he was a Will-less, a disgrace to their family. His adoptive parents were never ones to keep it a secret from him; they didn’t believe hiding the truth was a good thing... and he respected them for that.
Since even if they weren’t his biological parents, they cared enough to take care of him like their real son... he was more like his real parents than his biological parents could have been.
So he felt as if he was in debt to them, to help them like their actual son, and protect his siblings. Though as he grew up, he was never able to gain the strength to do so. He had wanted to do most of the work around the house himself, so his siblings didn’t have to. But his body was never able to keep up...
As much as he tried, he could never do it... But at least they were safe.
...
But their money situation kept getting worse and worse... they needed money, and he tried working a job... most of them did, but it wasn’t enough, they got paid too little, most weren’t even accepted... so what could they do?
...
That was when the second oldest, their firstborn, went to the colosseum, risking his life to get them money... he hated himself for letting him go... after all, the chances of him dying were almost certain... he tried to believe, but he wasn’t one to believe in miracles.
If he had been stronger, could he have gone instead of him?
...
...
Then the colosseum fell from glory, and all of the fighters left... they waited for his return, they really did, they had even prepared a surprise party.
But he didn’t come.
He never came back.
...
He remembered just how much his parents cried that day. Just how much they suffered, and they never stopped suffering, they never recovered from the pain of losing their son... and neither had his siblings, they were all devastated... and he could only blame himself. He wasn’t able to protect him...
He had failed... everyone.
And that guilt haunted him for a long time, since without him, the work on his younger siblings also got harder. And their money suffered a big loss, since he was the person who made the most out of all of them.
They had fallen into an even bigger hole...
That was when a stranger appeared, the person who had killed his brother... he was here to return the bracelet they had given him... he should have hated the boy, after all, his brother was dead because of him... but he wasn’t because he knew it was his fault, not his. The boy had done what he needed to do for himself; his brother would have done the same.
Plus, it was clear that he had suffered a lot, and not only that, he was nice enough to return something, so that they could remind themselves of him.
...He remembered watching his mother cry after closing the door... that was when he made a decision that shaped his whole life... he was done just standing there, he was done trying to pretend that he would find a way to protect the one he cared about...
So he made a run for it; he wanted to become the boy’s disciple.
...
...
...
Aether was a great person, someone who... really was a great teacher, but also.
Cared for him a lot. And it wasn’t hard to see. And he couldn’t say he didn’t, either. At first, he really looked up to his strength... but he was never able to help him, to try and protect him... not until he unlocked his Will, and surpassed even him... this time he could actually protect him, someone he cared for.
But it proved to be more difficult than he would have thought... Aether was just like him... he wasn’t one who liked being the one getting protected, he wanted to keep him and Lucien as safe as possible, even going as fast as making them hate him so they would stop following and getting hurt...
It was clear that he had been through a lot, but it was because he didn’t allow himself to rely on others that he was like this, and he had suffered this much... so he knew he couldn’t give up.
...
So when Aether said he was staying inside the Tides to protect the ones he cared for, he knew he had to stay with him, so that he could protect him, while he protected them. He knew the risk he was taking, just how much he was risking his life, but at the same time, he was done letting others risk his life while he never took that same risk.
So he fought... but the battle proved to be beyond what he expected... it was clear that they were never able to survive this... so... he made a sacrifice, when Aether came to help them, he had told him to go get the people he cared about and escort them out... that way he could survive, while they gave him the time to do so.
...
He knew he was going to lose his life. And he wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t sad, since he had failed his family once more...
But at least by doing this, someone he cared about would survive.
At least this time, he would die, and not anyone else.
...
Though it really did hurt.
He really wished he could have lived longer...
And he really wished he hadn’t cried that much at his death.
