"Where is James?" His mother asked as she opened the door, finding the room empty.
Bella stood beside her, unsure of where he could be. She turned to one of the guards who was with them.
"Speak."
"The boss went somewhere with Hector, but I don’t know where exactly."
Erika remained silent, stepping into the room and sitting down on the chair, her hand brushing the hospital bed. Bella followed her in, sitting down as well.
For minutes, they sat there without a word. Then Erika slowly looked at Bella.
"I’m a bad mother, aren’t I?" She asked, a faint smile.
"Nobody can understand how much pain you’re in right now, but I can say that you’re not a bad mother. You’re far from that." Bella replied.
"No, that’s not true. I said things to James that I could never forgive myself for, and I know he took it to heart. I—"
"James will always be your son, even if you hate him, even if you think he was the reason for Rafael’s death. He will always think of you as his mother, just as you think of him as your son." Bella interrupted her.
Erika’s eyes fell to the ground. She couldn’t look Bella in the eye, afraid that if she did, all the pain she had been holding in would come crashing down.
"I’ve been so horrible to him…I hurt him when he needed me the most. I pushed him away, told him things…things no mother should ever say to their child. I didn’t protect him when he was right there." She petted the bed. "I was blinded by the anger I felt and still feel and now… now he’s gone. What if I never get the chance to make it right?"
Her voice broke completely, and her hand instinctively reached up to cover her face, as if she could hide from the reality of it all.
Bella reached out, placing her hand gently on Erika’s trembling ones. "No matter how many times you tell yourself you’ve ruined things, you haven’t. You’ve been hurt too, and sometimes, we say things we don’t mean. But that doesn’t make you a bad mother. It makes you human."
Erika’s body shook with silent sobs, her shoulders hunched as she tried to fight the flood of emotions threatening to overtake her.
"I don’t deserve to be his mother. I made him believe he wasn’t enough. I said things that made him feel like he wasn’t loved... like he was a burden. And now he’s not here. I don’t know where he is, and I’m terrified. Terrified that he’ll never forgive me… that I’ve lost him forever."
Bella squeezed her hand tighter. "James may need time, but he will come back. He loves you more than anything. He may be hurting right now, but he will never stop being your son. He’ll never stop seeing you as his mother."
Erika’s breath hitched, and she looked up at Bella, her eyes red and swollen from the tears she had already shed. "How can you be so sure? How can you be so sure that he’ll come back?"
Bella’s eyes softened. "Because I know James. He’s been through so much. But he loves you. He always has. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s that he would never turn his back on you. Not forever. Not even after everything."
She wiped the tear that had fallen down her cheek and whispered, "I don’t deserve that kind of forgiveness. I don’t even know how to make things right."
Bella smiled softly, her heart aching for the woman in front of her. "You don’t have to have all the answers. You just have to show him you’re willing to try. That you’re ready to be there for him, to love him the way he’s always needed. It’s never too late, I promise."
Erika closed her eyes for a moment "What if it’s already too late?"
"It’s never too late to love, never."
For a moment, there was only the sound of Erika’s soft, stifled breaths, as the pain inside her began to quiet, if only just for a second.
The silence in the room held more than words could say, a fragile, shared understanding between the two women.
"I wish I could hate him, I really do. It would be easier. But no matter how much he hurts me, no matter how much I want to scream at him, I can’t stop loving him. And that... that makes everything feel so much worse."
"Love isn’t always easy." Bella said softly. "Sometimes, it hurts more than anything. But it doesn’t mean you love him any less. You’re allowed to feel angry. You’re allowed to feel lost. But don’t let that anger turn into something that makes you lose yourself."
Erika’s shoulders shook as she let out a shaky breath, trying to find the strength to speak again. " He’s so far away now...I don’t even know if I can reach him anymore." The she looked at Bella’s eyes. "Tell me, Bella, how is your mother handling all of this? That you are who you are? How did she make peace with it?"
Bella stayed silent for a moment before speaking.
"My family was murdered."
Erika’s mouth opened and with disbelief he looked at Bella.
"What… I’m so sorry."
"I’ve learned to live with it. I loved them the most. They were sweet and loving parents, kind people who did everything to make me happy. But one night, we were attacked on our ride home. My father tried to fight back, but he was shot, and my mother too. Then they kidnapped me, and I was in a cell for months. I was... well, things happened. I wasn’t young, but I was beautiful, and I had the looks they wanted. But then James showed up and rescued me."
Bella paused for a moment, her voice trembling slightly as the memories rushed back.
"I didn’t know who I was anymore after that. I was lost. But James... he saved me. He pulled me out of that hell. He gave me a chance to live again."
Erika listened, her heart heavy with the weight of Bella’s story. "I can’t even imagine... how could you move forward after all of that?"
Bella took a deep breath. "I didn’t move forward at first. I was broken. I didn’t know how to live with all the loss. But over time, I realized that I could keep living, even with the scars. I could keep loving, even after everything I’d been through. But…" She looked at Erika, thinking about whether to say it or not
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"What?" Erika’s hands twitched.
"I don’t really like to say it bluntly, but I am too a monster. You said it to James but I am too and so on, Hector, and Ferucci… Hans was too a monster. We all killed. We all destroyed lives."
She looked at Erika, her eyes dark with the weight of the words she was about to speak.
"After James saved me, I became somebody who swore to kill anyone who kidnapes women and does terrible things. I killed many, more than I can count just like James. Just like Hector. Just like all of us. We’ve all been shaped by the same darkness."
Erika froze, her breath catching in her throat. "What... what are you saying?"
"I did things. Terrible things. But James... he did what he had to do too. Maybe he didn’t know where it would lead, but we all have blood on our hands. It’s not just him. It’s not just you, Erika. Everyone in this world has a piece of darkness they carry."
Erika swallowed hard, trying to process what Bella had just said. She had known James had done terrible things, but hearing this from Bella was something else entirely. It was raw, unfiltered truth. "But you’re saying... James is just like you? A killer?"
Bella sighed, her shoulders slumping. "You have to understand that we’re not perfect. None of us are. I’m not trying to justify what we’ve done, or make it okay. I’m just saying…James needs someone to show him that he can be more than his past. He’s a man who’s been broken by the world, just like I was."
The room felt colder, the reality of their lives more suffocating than ever. "I don’t know if I can forgive him for all of it...for everything he’s done…and what you just told me."
"I’m not asking you to forgive him. I’m asking you to understand. Understand that sometimes people make choices they regret. But that doesn’t mean they’re lost. James is still your son. He’s still the person you’ve always known, despite everything, he never showed you his bad side, never spoke about it."
Erika looked at Bella, her face pale, her eyes filled with uncertainty. "But... how do I trust him again, how I love him again…?"
"Trust and love…. sometimes, you love someone but can’t trust them, and other times, you trust someone with everything, but you can’t love them the way you want to. It’s hard, and it hurts when those two things don’t align."
"Choosing… that’s the hardest part. But I guess if you’re honest with yourself about what you really need, it becomes clearer. At least, that’s what I hope."
Again silence settled between them, when a voice came.
"Where is daddy?" Charlotte stepped into the room.
"He went for a walk." Bella said then looked at Erika. "And there is this cute bomb that can help you…"
She stepped away petting Charlotte head. "Go hug Erika."
She didn’t need more words and dove forward into her arms.
"Hey, little one..." Erika said softly, brushing her hair. "Your dad will be back soon."
She then smiled at Bella, grateful for the quiet moment, and hugged Charlotte a little tighter, letting the child’s presence calm her.
But what Bella had just told her was far from the truth. It was enough to calm Erika down, but she knew very well, that James wasn’t himself anymore.