Chapter 39: TOO TIRED FOR THIS
KEISHA’S POV
I got home, dropped my bag on the chair and went straight to the kitchen for water.
That was all I wanted. Water, silence and to lie down and not think about Riven or Mara or Callum’s hands on my jaw or any of it for approximately eight hours.
Ugh.
I filled a glass and drank half of it standing at the sink and stared out the window at the dark.
There was a knock at the door.
I closed my eyes briefly, cursing at the interruption. Then I went and opened it.
Nadia stood there in her dinner dress with her hair still done. She looked at my face and then at the water glass in my hand, then back at my face.
"Long day?" She asked.
"Very." I nodded .
She came inside without being invited, the way she always did, sat on the arm of my couch and looked at me. "How are you actually?"
"Tired." I sighed. "Genuinely just tired."
"About Riven—"
"I’m fine about Riven." I cut her off.
"Keisha."
"Nadia." I looked at her. "I mean it. I sat in that room and watched him walk in and I felt nothing dramatic. Just surprise. And then annoyed." I finished the water and set the glass down. "I’m not broken over him. I promise you I’m not."
She looked at me carefully. "You loved him though." She said quietly. "Like actually loved him for three years."
"I know." I said. "And it hurt. It really hurt." I paused. "And then it didn’t anymore. And I’m here, I’m okay and can we please not make this a whole thing?"
She studied me for another moment. Then she exhaled and nodded slowly. "Okay." She conceded. "Okay, I believe you." She paused. "He kept looking at you in the meeting by the way the whole time."
"I know. Hard not to notice." I said.
"It was uncomfortable." She pointed out. "For everyone. Dane looked like he was going to flip the table."
I let out a non committed sound. "Hm."
Nadia looked at me with raised brows. "He didn’t look fine," She said. "Neither was—" She stopped herself. "Anyway." She stood and smoothed her dress. "Dinner. Everyone’s waiting. Come on."
I stared at her. "Dinner?"
"At the mansion. With the guests. It’s mandatory, Dad said—"
"Is it actually mandatory?" I asked. "Like did he specifically say my name?"
She paused. "He said all senior staff."
"Am I senior staff?"
"Keisha—"
"Nadia." I looked at her. "I have been in that building since eight this morning. I sat through a meeting where my ex walked in with his mate. I was cornered in a corridor by said mate. I then had to go back and type up a full meeting record and deliver it and I have been on my feet since—" I gestured at myself. "Look at me."
She looked at me.
"I’m not coming to dinner." I crossed my hands.
"Dad is going to—"
"Tell him I’m indisposed." I shrugged. "Tell him I’m sick. Tell him whatever you want." I moved toward the bedroom. "I’m going to bed."
"Keisha, you can’t just—"
"Good night, Nadia." I said. "Pull the door on your way out."
I walked inside my room, noting the silence from my living room before her voice floated through. "You’re so stubborn." She called.
"I know." I called back.
The front door opened. "Fine." She said. "But you owe me. Sitting through that dinner without you is going to be—" She stopped and I heard her exhale. "Good night."
The door clicked shut.
I stood in my bedroom and listened to her footsteps fade down the path. Then, I sat on the edge of my bed and pressed my hands over my face and just stayed like that for a moment.
I lay back on the bed fully dressed and stared at the ceiling.
Today was a lot. I needed some sleep before work tomorrow.
****************
The next morning was ordinary enough that I almost believed the day before hadn’t happened.
I got up, got ready, went to work. The office had settled back to its normal intensity now that the initial rush of delegation correspondence was done.
This day was actually pretty normal. Well—almost.
Because at half past ten, I was heading to the archive room on the east side of the building with a stack of correspondence logs when I turned the corner and Riven was there.
He fell into step beside me immediately like he had been waiting and I kept walking.
"Good morning." He greeted.
"Good morning." I replied, refusing to look at him.
"You weren’t at dinner last night."
"I was tired." I said.
"I noticed." He sighed. "Your absence, I mean."
I kept walking like he wasn’t there.
He kept walking beside me. "Can I ask you something?"
"You’re going to regardless." I pointed out.
Something like a smile tugged at his lips. "Fair." He said. "Are you happy here?"
I glanced at him sideways. "Yes." I frowned.
"Good." He said. And he meant it, I could hear that he meant it, which was somehow more irritating than if he hadn’t. "You look it. You look—" He paused. "Different. Good different."
"Riven." I sighed.
"I know." He rubbed his face. "I know, I’m just—" He stopped walking.
I stopped too because my destination was the archive room and he was now standing in front of the door.
He looked at me. "I just miss you." He said quietly. "I know I don’t get to say that. I know it changes nothing. I just—"
"Move." I scowled.
He blinked.
"Please." I said. "Move. I have work to do."
He stepped aside and I reached for the door handle.
His hand closed around my wrist gently, the way he used to. "Keisha—"
"Let go." I glared at him.
He let go immediately.
I pushed the door open, went inside and let it close behind me. For a long time, I stood there in the dim archive room and took a deep breath.
Goddess.
I stood there for a count of ten. Then I went and found the logs I needed and did my job.
I was heading back down the main corridor twenty minutes later, logs under my arm, when I felt a pair of eyes on me.
Without thinking, I glanced sideways. Riven. He was still there and now leaning against the wall near the water station with his arms folded, watching me.
You have to be kidding me.
I looked forward and kept walking..
He had moved, he was walking parallel to me along the adjoining path, hands in his pockets, not approaching but not pretending he wasn’t there either.
I stopped walking, turned to face him properly and he stopped too.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
He looked almost sheepish. "Walking."
"Toward every place I happen to be going." I frowned.
He said nothing.
"Riven." I said. "I need you to stop this. Whatever this is." I looked at him. "You made your choice. I made mine. You’re here for pack business and I work here. That’s the full extent of what’s happening between us." I held his gaze. "Stop following me."
He opened his mouth when a hand came down on his shoulder from behind.
Riven went still and I looked up.
Dane was standing there with his hand on Riven’s shoulder. "Everything alright?" He asked.
"Fine." I said to no one in particular.
Without waiting, I picked up my logs and walked.
Behind me, I heard Dane say something low to Riven that I didn’t catch and didn’t want to.
I kept moving and turned the corner and was almost at the communications wing when footsteps caught up to me.
Dane fell into step beside me but I kept walking.
"You should take a bodyguard." He said. "If you don’t want to keep running into him on your own."
"I don’t need a bodyguard." I said.
"Keisha—"
"I don’t need one." I said again as I stopped walking and turned to look at him. "And I don’t need you following me either. I don’t need any of you following me." I looked at him directly. "Everything right now is just— it’s a lot. All of it. And having people trail me around the pack is making it worse, not better."
He looked at me and said nothing for a moment.
"Okay." He said quietly.
I turned and walked away and he didn’t follow.
As I got back to my desk, I sat down with a grunt.
He was only trying to protect me.
I knew that. I knew exactly what that was and why he was there and yet, I had looked him in the face and told him to stop anyway.
But Lyra’s face kept coming back to me. The way she had sounded on the phone. The eighteen months she had spent putting herself back together after he walked away without an explanation. I had held her hand through that from a distance and promised myself I remembered it.
I needed to remember it.
For Lyra.
