Chapter 1142: Chapter 1142: Love Given Freely, No Regrets After
Fu Xiru’s smile looked very bitter.
She said, "How could I forget? That was our child, the child I carried for four months."
"He came to us when we were most in love, and left just when we began to fall out."
"I often think, was it because he could feel the state of our relationship that he refused to choose us as his parents?"
"It’s good that you’re here today. I’ve always wanted to worship him together with you, so that when he sees the two of us together, even in the netherworld he will feel comforted."
Long Xiyuan wiped away his tears. "It was my fault."
He draped a thick cloak over Fu Xiru and, hand in hand, they walked to the doorway.
In the courtyard, not far away, there were only Bai Zhi’er and Feng Fuce.
As soon as Bai Zhi’er saw Fu Xiru, she wanted to step forward, but after thinking it over, she forced herself to hold back.
She retreated again to stand by Feng Fuce’s side.
This was something Fu Xiru had looked forward to for so long; let it finally come to a complete and perfect end for her.
The sky was growing dark.
So it was already close to dusk.
Long Xiyuan brought over a chair. He sat down and held Fu Xiru in his arms.
The two of them, together beneath the ginkgo tree, burned paper money for the child who had never been born.
Long Xiyuan stared at the rolling flames, his voice filled with grief. "Xiru, I’m sorry."
"In the past I ignored your feelings. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to come with you to worship our child, but that I was afraid that if I brought it up, there would be nothing left between us but quarrels."
At that time, their relationship had not been good.
After all, Fu Xiru had been taught by Prince Li Zheng; in Long Xiyuan’s eyes, every move she made carried some intention.
Hearing his words, Fu Xiru merely gave a faint smile.
"It doesn’t matter. I have already forgiven you, Your Majesty."
"Forgiven me? When?"
"Right now, as Your Majesty accompanies me to worship our deceased child. This was something I never even dared to dream of."
As she spoke, she let out a self-mocking laugh. "I never thought there would be a day when things between us could ease."
"I thought that even up to the moment I closed my eyes for the last time, I would never see any tenderness from Your Majesty."
Thinking of how heartless he had been before, Long Xiyuan felt even more guilt within.
He couldn’t help but tighten his arms around Fu Xiru.
But he found that Fu Xiru seemed to be nothing but a bundle of bones.
The torment of illness had left her gaunt and emaciated.
He went dazed for a moment.
What had life in the palace, and the position of Empress, actually brought to Fu Xiru?
Was it lofty power? Was it the nobility others envied?
And in gaining all of that, how much had she borne?
Long Xiyuan suddenly did not dare to think of the past.
He could only lower his head and keep repeating the words "I’m sorry."
Yes, his neglect and his indifference had made Fu Xiru’s days even harder.
And at Fu Xiru’s side, aside from Palace Attendants, there were almost no close people.
Listening to Long Xiyuan’s murmured remorse,
Fu Xiru gently clasped his hand. "Xi Yuan, don’t blame yourself. Not for a single moment have I regretted marrying you."
"Love was freely given; with things past, there is no regret." Though weak, when she spoke these eight characters, her voice was firm.
Not far away, Bai Zhi’er heard this and could not hold back the surging tears.
Fu Xiru truly had never regretted it.
Even outside of the dream, when she was dying, she still hadn’t been able to see Long Xiyuan.
Yet right up until her death, she was thinking of ways to remind Long Xiyuan to guard against the spies in the harem.
In her eyes, he was an Emperor besieged on all sides, and even more, a husband she ached for.
The more Bai Zhi’er thought about it, the sadder she grew, and Feng Fuce could only hold her and try to soothe her.
