Chapter 18: Self Destruction
"So you two had a fight?"
"Yes, Mother, but Ilya—"
"It’s alright, Ana," Mariya interrupted, raising a hand. "Siblings argue all the time. Whether they’re related by blood or not doesn’t really matter."
"...."
"The only issue," Mariya continued with a smile, "is that I have no intention of waiting several more days before seeing Ilya. So, I’d like you to settle things between the two of you as soon as possible."
"Ah... but the examination really is happening, Mother," Anastasiya said. "That part wasn’t a lie."
"Oh? Well, that certainly makes the timing rather unfortunate."
She slowly rose from her seat, smoothing the wrinkles from her dress before glancing toward the maids waiting nearby.
"In that case, I think I’ll rest for a while. It’s been a long journey."
"Of course, Madam," one of the maids replied with a respectful bow. "We’ve already prepared your room this way—"
"There won’t be any need for that."
The maid paused mid-step.
"Until Ilya returns," Mariya said, "I’ll be staying in his room."
"...Ah?"
She turned toward Anastasiya.
"Where is it?"
"Ah... um..."
The maid instinctively looked toward Anastasiya, silently waiting for instructions.
After letting out a sigh, Anastasiya gave a small nod.
"It’s alright," she said. "I expected this to happen. Did you air out his room like I asked?"
"Y-Yes, Young Lady."
"Air out?" Mariya repeated, tilting her head. "Why would there be any need for that?"
Anastasiya lowered her eyes. "...Ilya recently started smoking."
"Is that so?" Mariya’s expression hardly changed. "In that case, there won’t be any need to hide it from me anymore. Now then..."
She looked back toward the maid.
"Lead the way."
With no further objections, the maid escorted Mariya toward Ilya’s room. Anastasiya followed, while the remaining servants respectfully withdrew, leaving only the two of them inside once the door closed behind them.
Mariya slowly surveyed the room before speaking again.
"Where does he keep his cigarettes?"
"...In the drawer."
Anastasiya hesitated before continuing.
"I’m sorry, Mother. I considered throwing them away more than once, but... I was afraid that if I forced the issue, Ilya would stop speaking to me altogether..."
Without commenting, Mariya walked over to the bedside drawer and pulled it open.
Sure enough, inside, there were several unopened cigarette packs from different brands, along with lighters.
"Ana," Mariya said, "the reason you’re gradually losing your grip over Ilya is that you keep trying to stand halfway between discipline and indulgence."
She picked up one of the cigarette packs, removed a single stick, and lit it before calmly sitting down on the edge of Ilya’s bed.
"If you’ve already decided something is unacceptable," she continued after taking a slow drag, "then follow through with it completely. Indecisiveness only teaches a child where your resolve begins to crumble."
"But, Mother—"
"Tell me, Ana."
Mariya exhaled a stream of smoke before looking at her daughter.
"Do you love Ilya?"
"That’s..."
Mariya’s expression softened.
"Do you remember what I’ve always told you?" she asked. "We must always love that child. He lost his mother before he was ever given the chance to know her, and his own father has long since abandoned him in all but name. Whether he admits it or not, he has far fewer people in this world than you do, Ana."
She lowered her gaze to the cigarette between her fingers.
"If we don’t love him, then who will?"
"...."
Anastasiya could only remain silent.
Her fingers slowly tightened around the fabric of her dress as she bit down on her lower lip, unable to find an answer.
It had always been like this whenever her mother spoke about Ilya. Sometimes, Anastasiya couldn’t help wondering whether her own mother loved her half-brother more than she loved her.
After all, she was Mariya’s own biological daughter, yet whenever the subject turned to Ilya, it always seemed as though his pain came first.
"Yes, Mother... I’ll bring back Ilya as soon as possible..."
"That would be preferable."
* * *
By the time the team had completed their second objective, the sun had already begun setting behind the mountain range.
With visibility worsening and the temperature continuing to fall, everyone reached the same conclusion without much discussion.
Pushing onward through unfamiliar terrain after nightfall would only invite unnecessary risks.
"Let’s stop here," Siegfried said after surveying the surrounding area. "It’s elevated enough that nothing can easily approach us unnoticed, and there’s enough open space to set up camp."
No one voiced any objections.
The group chose a relatively flat clearing hidden between several large pine trees, providing enough natural cover from the mountain wind without completely obstructing their view of the surrounding forest.
Gilbert and Jerome immediately began clearing away the thicker layers of snow, while Elise and Lucie unpacked the camping equipment issued by the academy, working together to assemble the tents before darkness completely settled over the mountain.
Ilya set his pack down before helping gather fallen branches scattered around the clearing.
"Think this is enough?" he asked, dropping another armful of firewood beside the growing pile.
Lucie crouched beside it, giving an approving nod.
"It should last the night, assuming nobody decides to turn the campfire into a bonfire."
Flick——!
With nothing more than a light snap of her fingers, a tiny ember appeared in the air before moving onto the firewood.
Within seconds, orange flames spread through the dry branches, and the campfire came to life without anyone needing to strike flint or spend several minutes coaxing it into burning.
Several minutes later, the group gathered around the campfire.
"So..." Siegfried rubbed his hands together with an eager grin. "Who’s cooking?"
A brief silence followed.
Then every pair of eyes slowly turned toward Lucie.
"...Why is everyone looking at me?"
"Because you’re the only wizard here who’s proficient in fire magic."
"...That’s not how cooking works."
Even so, Lucie let out a resigned sigh before reaching for the food they had hunted earlier that afternoon.
After cleaning and preparing the meat, she skewered several portions over the fire while Elise unpacked a few vegetables, dried herbs, and seasonings that the academy had included among their expedition supplies.
Before long, the crackling of the campfire was accompanied by the pleasant sound of sizzling meat, and a rich aroma gradually drifted through the clearing.
"...That smells amazing."
"I suddenly remembered how hungry I am," Elise commented.
"You forgot?" Lucie asked without looking up.
"...I was distracted by survival."
"You’ve been complaining about food for the past hour."
While the others continued chatting around the fire, Ilya watched the meat roast over the open flames.
"...."
Almost absentmindedly, he extended a hand toward the fire.
The flames danced only inches from his fingertips, close enough that an ordinary person would have pulled away. Yet no matter how near he brought his hand, there was no gradual rise in temperature waiting beyond the fire.
Only the same unchanging cold that had long since become his constant companion.
A sense of winter that never seemed to find its summer.
By now, the sensation had persisted for so long that Ilya could no longer remember what genuine warmth was supposed to feel like.
"...Ilya?"
He blinked.
Only then did he realize everyone had fallen unusually quiet.
"What are you doing?" Elise asked, staring at his outstretched hand. "You’re going to burn yourself."
Ilya slowly withdrew it and looked down at his fingers.
"...Right."
By all accounts, his skin should have already been scorched after lingering that close to the flames.
Yet when he examined his hand, there wasn’t the slightest trace of a burn, not even a faint redness, as though the fire itself had never touched him at all.
Tucking his hand back into his pocket, he sat in silence for another minute before eventually rising to his feet.
"Where are you going?" Siegfried asked, looking up from the campfire.
"Just going for a quick smoke."
"Ah, alright then." Siegfried laughed. "Just don’t take too long. If you do, there won’t be any dinner left for you."
"I’ll keep that in mind."
Ilya walked toward the edge of the clearing until the sounds of conversation gradually faded into the background.
Only after putting a comfortable distance between himself and the camp did he stop under a tall pine tree, casually leaning his back against its trunk as he looked up at the darkening mountain sky.
He reached into his pocket, pulled out a cigarette along with a lighter, and brought the small flame to its tip.
The paper crackled as the tobacco caught fire, the tiny orange ember becoming the brightest thing in the surrounding darkness before he took a slow, unhurried drag.
"Hoo..."
He remained there for another minute, finishing the cigarette before crushing the ember under his heel.
Just as he was about to push himself away from the tree and return to the camp, the sound of approaching footsteps echoed through the forest.
"Good evening, Ilya."
"...Elise?"
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