Chapter 16: Chapter 16: Three Weirdos
After making up, life seemed to return to the way it had been.
Tsunade started walking side-by-side with him again, the bickering returned, and she went back to evaluating his training results with that same "Hmph, not that impressive" tone.
But some things had changed.
Kitahara Kaede didn’t notice.
***
Early morning, before the sky had fully brightened.
Kitahara Kaede hung from a branch in the mountains behind the village, his chakra flowing at a steady pace through his meridian system. This was his non-negotiable daily morning routine.
After fifteen minutes, he ended his session and dropped to the ground, his soles hitting the earth without a sound. It was time to find Tsunade for breakfast.
As he turned to leave, he heard a noise. It was very faint.
Kaede paused, then followed the sound, pushing through a thicket of shrubs.
Orochimaru was crouching on the ground.
Before him lay a dissected wild rabbit. Its abdominal cavity was wide open, the internal organs separated one by one and arranged neatly on a nearby leaf. His fingers were stained with blood, his movements precise, every cut clean and decisive.
Orochimaru looked up, his golden slitted pupils meeting Kaede’s gaze. There was no panic, nor any attempt to explain.
The two stared at each other.
"You’re up early," Kaede spoke first.
Orochimaru looked down and continued his work. "Observing internal structures. The heart, lungs, liver, kidneys—their positions, sizes, and how they are connected."
He used the tip of a kunai to lift a small piece of tissue, bringing it closer for a better look. "The basic structure of humans and animals is similar. Only by knowing where the organs are can you ensure a single, fatal blow during an attack."
He paused. "And only then can you understand just how fragile life truly is."
His tone was flat, as if he were simply stating a fact.
A child venturing into the woods before dawn to dissect rabbits and study anatomy—anyone else seeing this would likely find it skin-crawling.
Kaede crouched down. He looked at the neatly arranged organs, then at the dissected rabbit.
"The heart is three centimeters to the left; the path of the aorta is basically the same as a human’s."
Orochimaru’s hand stopped. He looked up again, scrutinizing Kaede. "You’ve studied this too?"
"No," Kaede replied, "but knowing where to stab someone to make them drop as quickly as possible is a basic skill for survival."
He reached out and lifted the rabbit by its hind legs, weighing it in his hand. "The meat is still fresh."
Orochimaru blinked. "What are you doing?"
"Taking it to roast. You’re done with the organs, right? Don’t let the meat go to waste."
Orochimaru stared at him for three seconds. Then, he smiled. It wasn’t a polite smile, but one of genuine amusement.
"Kaede, you are the strangest person I have ever met."
"How am I strange?"
"Most people would be terrified or disgusted by this scene. Your first reaction was to judge the quality of the meat."
"I’m hungry."
Kaede took a few steps away with the rabbit, then looked back. "Pick a bigger one next time. This one barely has any meat."
Orochimaru watched his retreating back.
Since entering the Ninja Academy, everyone had looked at him with a certain distance—whether it was polite, guarded, or vaguely uneasy. Only this person had remained unchanged since the first day they locked eyes in the classroom.
Orochimaru looked down at his blood-stained fingers. The curve of his lips didn’t fade.
***
Night.
The East District of the Hidden Leaf.
Jiraiya was skulking along the base of the walls, acting suspicious. After turning a couple of corners, he spotted his target—Orochimaru was sitting on some stone steps at the end of an alley, reading a book by the light of a streetlamp.
"Orochimaru!" he called out in a hushed voice.
Orochimaru didn’t even lift his head. "I’m busy."
"I haven’t even said anything yet—"
"You coming to find me at this hour means either you were caught peeping and need a cleanup, or you’ve come up with some stupid idea and need a hand," Orochimaru flipped a page. "Whichever it is, I’m busy."
Jiraiya plopped down beside him. "This time it’s serious!"
"Your version of ’serious’ is not the same as a normal person’s."
"Just listen to me!" Jiraiya pressed his hand down on Orochimaru’s book. "I’ve thought of a brilliant plan—a plan to make Tsunade see me in a whole new light!"
Orochimaru finally looked up. It wasn’t interest; it was the kind of curiosity one has when wondering just how stupid someone can be.
"Speak."
Jiraiya cleared his throat and lowered his voice. "You remember that time at the Academy? When Kaede saved Tsunade?"
"Yes."
"Tsunade has been... you know... toward him ever since." Jiraiya’s face twisted. "Why him? Just because he saved her once? If I also—"
"That’s why! I’m going to create a ’hero saves the beauty’ scenario!"
Orochimaru’s hand stopped on the page.
"You’ll play the Missing-nin and pretend to attack Tsunade. Then, I’ll descend from the sky, blow you away with one punch, and save the day!" Jiraiya grew more excited as he spoke. "Tsunade will definitely look at me differently! Maybe she’ll even—right then and there—"
"You think Tsunade would actually be scared?"
Jiraiya froze. "...Probably?"
"Last time, she cracked a training post in the practice field with a single punch."
"A surprise attack is different—"
"Are you sure you can actually beat her?"
Jiraiya was speechless. There were three seconds of silence.
"That’s why you have to make it look realistic!" He slapped his thigh. "Your ninjutsu is better than mine; you’ll look more like a real Missing-nin! I’ll just handle the finale. Perfect!"
Orochimaru put down his book and looked at Jiraiya’s face, which was practically screaming "hopeless romantic."
The plan was offensively stupid, with more loopholes than he cared to point out.
However...
"Fine."
Jiraiya was stunned. "Really?"
"On one condition." Orochimaru leaned back against the wall. "You owe me a favor."
"No problem! Whatever you want in the future—"
"You handle the date with Tsunade yourself. Just let me know the time and place."
"Leave it to me!"
Overjoyed, Jiraiya practically bounced on the spot. He turned to leave, but stopped at the mouth of the alley and pressed his palms together. "Orochimaru! You’re my best friend!"
The white-haired boy vanished into the night.
The alley fell silent. Orochimaru picked up his book, a smile playing on his lips—though it wasn’t a kind one.
He knew Tsunade’s strength. And he knew exactly how this plan would end.
Jiraiya was going to get beaten senseless.
But that didn’t stop him from wanting to see the look on that idiot’s face when Tsunade chased him down.
As for why Jiraiya was so obsessed with pursuing Tsunade? Orochimaru didn’t understand it, nor did he want to. Things he couldn’t understand were simply categorized as "irrational but observable phenomena."
Just like the rabbit this morning.
When dissected, the structure was simple and clear. But when alive, it insisted on jumping around erratically.
Orochimaru flipped the page and continued reading.
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