Chapter 509: Let it Go
"Violet made her feelings about you clear to everyone," Graeme said. "The morning after Samhain, she announced it to the whole pack. I could have killed her," he growled at the memory.
"I had Sam take her to the dungeon so that I wouldn’t. I knew it wouldn’t look good to the pack if I eliminated her right then like Goddess knows I would have if it were anyone else. But I also held back because she had been violated the way she was... I knew she wasn’t right emotionally or physically. Sylvia had been trying to help her heal for that reason. At least, that was the hope. It was too much to hope for, clearly."
August got up from the bed, needing to move rather than just sitting still and letting Graeme’s words settle on her shoulders. It was becoming heavy... her thoughts about Violet and about how Graeme had reacted. She had to move to keep her emotions from twisting into something ugly... something that wanted to punish the female who had already fallen by her own hand. Something that wanted to judge her mate despite the fact that somewhere she understood his intentions.
Of course she understood—she had wanted to help Violet, too as soon as she heard what had happened to her. But now August doubted that if she had heard Violet’s accusations about her that she would have kept those empathetic feelings for long. Maybe she would have been the one to fight Violet that day.
"After Cassian was killed, Violet apparently absorbed some of his power through their bond. He had marked her after all," Graeme said, rubbing his face again to try to cleanse the memories of all that had happened. It wasn’t working. This was a threat that had grown from inside the pack, and he had let it.
"I didn’t realize she had those abilities until the Beta from a neighboring pack, Thundering Falls, arrived out of the blue yesterday looking for Cassian. Cassian killed their Alpha it seems," his eyes slid to hers with a meaningful look.
August sighed and walked to her closet, choosing clothes that had been selected for her by Greta long ago. The thought of her sister and how much she had done for her made her smile. She ran her hands along the fabric of a light floral shirt, her back to Graeme. There was so much they had been through in such a short time. Would there ever be peace?
She slid the shirt back in its place and chose a heavy sweatshirt. The weather had turned colder here now. It wasn’t like Zagan’s island with its constant pleasant temperatures. Snow would be coming soon, blanketing everything in a frost and putting it to bed until the following spring when things would reemerge anew.
"I take it Cassian was the acting Alpha of Thunderings Falls after he killed theirs?" She said into the closet. That would make Violet the Luna. Goddess, what a nightmare.
"That’s right, although Beta Ranier was more than a little relieved to find out he was dead," Graeme grunted behind her. "But Violet showed up in my office, ordering Ranier to take her with him. She claimed it was her rightful place. Her eyes were gold like ours and like Cassian’s. If I had to guess, I’d say she had gotten a taste of her abilities already by that point. She was so confident—much different than the Violet who was broken and isolated."
"I see," August sighed, pulling the sweatshirt on. Even with how oversized it was, it didn’t disguise the swell of her belly. "So you decided to a trial today?"
"Honestly, I was apprehensive that she would go to Thundering Falls or that Ranier would return for her. But I wanted the pack to weigh in on all of the events so that justice was decided by all rather than simply by me."
"That didn’t exactly happen, did it?"
"No. But they saw what she was capable of," he said, remaining on the bed as August made her way back and sat next to him fully clothed and comfortable now. He put his hand on her belly and smiled to himself.
"I think I understand why you made the choices you did," she said slowly, avoiding his eyes. "It hurts to think of her receiving comfort like that from you. Or even leniency. It put the pack at risk, and it just... it hurts to imagine it. I wasn’t here." She frowned, trying once again to push back the emotions that wanted to claim control of her.
She wanted to be furious with him. The feeling was taunting her, licking at the corners of her mind like flames that wanted to destroy everything, curling it into ash. But deep down, she did understand. His feelings were threaded through hers, and she could feel the impulse that propelled him forward in the direction he took.
"You still feel guilty for the past, don’t you?" She said softly.
"I suppose I do. She was a reminder of it." A muscle feathered in his jaw.
It was true. He had been unable to fully move on from his own role in Violet’s feelings and in her choices. His past with her was what allowed her to believe she was the rightful Luna. Had he not created an heir with her, had he not been in that intimate relationship with her in the past, none of this would have ever happened.
He was weak after his parents’ deaths when he was meant to be strong. He was weakest when his pack needed the future Hallowell Alpha to preserve their best interests. All of that death and loss—his parents and the alyko—had blinded him, but it wasn’t a good enough excuse.
"Do you think you will ever forgive yourself so that it can be just us leading this pack in the future rather than the shadow of the past looming over you? Because the past is just that. If you can’t let it go, it will continue to affect your choices, and then it’s not just the past anymore. It’s our present. It’s our future. I don’t want to compete with that guilt of yours. I don’t want our family here to be affected by it any longer."
Graeme groaned and dropped his head onto her shoulder. She was right. He was still letting it affect him. That is why all of this happened.
"I’m sorry," he breathed against her.
August sighed heavily and rubbed his back. "If I can forgive you, if the whole pack can forgive you for whatever happened before, then you need to forgive yourself. Let’s not forget the role the elders had to play in all of this. You were a pup, my love. Please let it go. Let it go for us."
