Chapter 459: Can I Really Have You?
"What do you mean?" Nedra asked, her second palm finding his face so that he was cupped between her hands. "You’ve always been here for me."
"No," Seth breathed against her, his eyes squeezed shut against the flood of realization. "Not the way I should have been. I would have never left your side. Never. Not for anything."
There was something different between them. She was always drawn to Seth. She cared for him deeply, but now there was something more. It felt as if he was blooming outward, the petals from his being unfolding to offer something hidden at his center—something that had been tucked away just out of reach.
This inner part of him was slowly releasing as he held her hips almost as if he was bracing himself against it.
Nedra felt something inside of her responding as well. She always held herself back from him, always erected these walls to keep him at a distance—to keep him at a safe distance so that they wouldn’t get too close. So that her heart wouldn’t be in danger. But whatever was blooming from within Seth rushed right past those walls, flooding the stubborn defenses so that she was suddenly left completely exposed. She gasped, her breath taken by it.
"What’s happening?" She gasped again, feeling herself sway on her feet with the impact of this flood of warmth from him. His grip on her hips pulled her back toward him, anchoring her there.
She was in his arms and he was in hers and there was nothing else—no outside world. No worries. The universe in its entirety existed within this space—his breath that was fanning across her face, sweet and comforting. His arms that were on either side of her that had held her so many times but were now rippling with something she had never felt from him before.
Every inch of him down to his toes suddenly lit behind her eyes. She could feel every part of him aligning with every part of her like they were both coming alive for the first time, bare and new in each other’s arms.
Seth pulled his head back and Nedra gasped at the loss of that contact and the sensation of having him just move the smallest bit from this new space they inhabited together.
"Look at me," he whispered, tilting her chin.
Nedra felt her heart tremble in her chest as their eyes locked. It was like he was gazing into the deepest parts of her, and she was offering it all to him for the first time. Everything he wanted to know, everything he wished to discover about her... it was his. It had already been his, but he hadn’t claimed it yet.
"I’m sorry," he whispered again, the warmth of his gaze caressing her face. "I don’t know why I didn’t see it before."
"I didn’t either," she whispered back.
He bowed his head over her, hovering with his breath against her skin.
"Nedra..." he purred next to her ear, and she felt it everywhere, raising the hairs on her arms and stirring something deep inside that responded to him—that would respond only to him.
She whimpered, and he pulled back to look at her again, raising his hands to cup her face. She felt exposed and vulnerable, and he could sense all of it.
"You are safe with me," he told her, flooding her with the sincerity from his gaze and his soul that spoke openly with hers.
Her lips quivered, but she nodded. She knew it was true, but there was also something terrifying about this sudden union she felt with him. She was afraid of it, but more so—she was afraid he would leave her.
"Tell me what you’re feeling," he said softly, caressing her face.
A tear slid down her cheek to where his hand was. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t... if she did, he would have everything. He would have all of her. And he would know it. She would have no defenses left.
"Please share it with me," he whispered, and it was so comforting—his breath against her face, his voice that spoke to something deeper.
Her eyes fluttered closed as he caressed her face, and she let herself just feel his love for her in that small touch.
"I am afraid you will leave me," she admitted, grasping onto his arms as she said it with a rush of tears that followed.
He pulled her into his chest as she began to sob. Once the first tears fell, it was like a dam opened, releasing all of that fear that she had held onto all this time. Her greatest fear was to lose him, and now he knew it. Now he knew how to hurt her.
Seth held her against him, sheltering her from the world. It felt like that was meant to be his purpose—to accept her fears and her vulnerabilities and to shelter them, keeping them safe for her. And he had not done it up to now. He had loved her from a distance rather than stepping in and offering her everything.
"I am never leaving you again," he said, willing her to feel the truth of it. "Never. I am yours, Nedra. I have always been yours. I am sorry I didn’t give myself wholly to you before now. You must have been so confused."
Nedra’s eyebrows pinched together at his words as she pressed herself into him—wishing now to not be parted from his warmth and his protection. Was he truly hers? Was she allowed to have him?
His hands ran over her hair and back, soothing her the way he somehow knew she needed. She had never embraced him like this before—like a child who was vulnerable and terrified. They had been together plenty of times, and he saw glimpses of her. She would let him in before pushing him away again and keeping him at a distance. But now she was offering him everything.
How had they managed to go all this time without feeling the strength of this bond?
"Can I really have you?" She asked against his chest, squeezing him tighter. "Am I allowed to have you?"
