Chapter 439: Sunshine and Rainbows
[Author’s Note: This Chapter rewinds a bit to before the storm begins.]
"You should let the others go," Penelope hummed, drawing circles on Zagan’s stomach as she laid next to him under the lotus.
He was on his back, staring up at the bright blue sky and the rainbows that danced around them, absorbed in the thunderous beat of his heart and the warmth of Penelope curled into his side. Had that just happened? Had that... all... just happened?
His chest was sore from the heart that was thrumming along there, having established a consistent rhythm now. His... everything was sore. And for the first time, he felt a delicious kind of pain. And there was a fullness within him that was so unlike the hollow abyss in which he existed before.
"I am truly alive," he whispered to himself, rubbing the skin over his own heart. "I can feel blood running through my veins. Not simply a filling that then slowly dissipates. It is regenerating itself."
He rolled onto his side, a sad kind of smile wrinkling the corners of his eyes when he met her gaze. He took a deep breath into his lungs and slowly let it go.
"The air tastes different," he smiled, turning into her palm and kissing it as she traced the contours of his face.
"You look different," she hummed. "Healthier. Like you were a sketch of yourself before, and now you have been filled in with color."
"You filled me in with color," he chuckled. "Do I feel different as well?" He asked, rubbing her back and pulling her closer against him so that their shared warmth aligned all the way down to their toes.
She giggled softy, nuzzling into his chest. "You are very warm now," she said quietly and wiggled a knee between his thighs so that their legs were entangled.
He sighed heavily, his now warm breath ruffling her hair. Having her tucked into him like this made him feel protective for some reason, and he ran his fingers through her white locks, treasuring her and this closeness, for it would not last.
"What is it?" She whispered, feeling a sudden heaviness starting to descend on them both.
There was so much reality to deal with moving forward, but she wanted to stay here alone with him under the lotus—shielded from all of it. She didn’t want them to have to face any of it yet, because whatever was waiting for them was not going to be the sunshine and rainbows that they had warming them here. Zagan would need to deal with the circumstances he had created with the alyko.
"I wanted so badly to die," he told her, interrupting her thoughts. "Everything I did revolved around that desire. It is all I have wanted for so long. To be free from the curse of immortality. And now that I am finally alive..."
She traced reassuring designs along his back, nodding her understanding. "And I wanted so badly to find a way to kill you," she whispered against his chest. "But now I feel I would die defending you instead."
"No, you will not," he answered and arrested his gentle caresses on her skin. "You will live regardless of what happens to me. Please, Penelope. You must. Otherwise, this was a mistake."
She pulled her head away from his chest and looked up at him, the arch of her eyebrows begging him for something that he couldn’t discern.
"Don’t say that," she choked. "Please don’t ever say that again."
He sighed again, lifting a finger to run under her chin and admiring the soft curve of her lips. Her face was beautiful—every detail. The heavy lids of her eyes and long sweep of her eyelashes, the arch of her cheekbones... everything.
"You are one hell of a brave alyko," he spoke softly. "How could you bring yourself to..."
"How could I bring myself to what?" She frowned, lashes fluttering as she gazed up at him.
"Did you just do this so that you could kill me?" He swallowed, a new doubt edging into his mind. "Otherwise I do not understand it. I am a monster. The things I have done..."
"I didn’t do it for that," her frown deepened, and she sat up next to him, white locks falling over her shoulders. "I thought we both felt it. Do you need me to explain it to you?"
Zagan propped himself up on his elbow, finding himself the target now of the gentle discontent in her eyes. "What I felt—what I feel—I just cannot imagine you feeling it for me. It is more powerful than anything in my hundreds of years. More powerful than the thirst for blood even at my darkest, most desperate moment. It is like gravity pulled me to you."
"And why is that something I cannot share?" She asked softly. "There was a reason for this. I see you now. I see you differently. I feel you," she whispered, grabbing his hand with one of her own. "Please don’t question it. Your heart is beating. You are living. Is that not reason enough?"
A muscle feathered in his jaw as he allowed her to play with his fingers. There could not be a future for them. He knew this like he knew there was a heart beating in his chest, but he didn’t want to speak the words into reality. He didn’t want to break the enchantment.
"Are you even still a vampire?" She asked, a crooked smile blooming on her face.
Zagan thought about the unnamed book and the cryptic poems written within. He needed to understand them to have any answers, even to a question as simple as that.
"There is something I need to tell you," he said, his eyebrows pinching together as he brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it. "There is a book I found... or rather, that I was given. After I compelled you," he glanced up at her guiltily, "after I drank from you the first time, I got very sick. It was not like this time, perhaps because we did not complete... this," he said awkwardly, feeling for the first time the heat of embarrassment color his cheeks.
"This?" She asked teasingly, feeling him smile against her hand.
"Yes this," he chuckled. "Does it have a name? I cannot think of one that would do it justice."
"Sex?" She asked.
He shook his head. "That was not just sex, was it?"
"It was at least sex," she laughed. "But no, it was so much more than that."
"You are very good at it," he chuckled, his face growing even warmer, and he glanced away from her.
"Zagan, you are red," she teased.
He groaned and let himself fall back against the pillow.
