Chapter 29: Chapter 29 — An Angry Waifu
"Alright, then. Let’s continue the training. Domack, I want to see how you handle—"
"Hal."
Samira’s voice cut my sentence short. It wasn’t her combat tone, nor the seductive whisper she used in private. It was something else. Soft, melodic, almost singsong. Way too sweet to be casual.
I turned slowly toward where she stood. She was still next to the rock where she’d been sitting earlier, with Lia curled up at her side. The little girl was entertaining herself by drawing shapes in the dirt with a stick, completely oblivious to the tension starting to build in the air. Samira was staring at me intently, her violet eyes gleaming with a spark I knew all too well.
It was her "we need to talk" look.
She was smiling. But it wasn’t her warm, loving smile. It was a tight, restrained smile, her lips pressed slightly together. The kind of smile a woman wears when she’s waiting for her man to figure out on his own what he’s forgotten.
A shiver ran down my spine.
"Ah... yes, Sami. What’s up?" I asked, trying to sound casual as I walked toward her.
As soon as I got close, my instincts screamed that something was wrong. The air around her felt thicker, heavier. Her posture was relaxed, leaning against the rock, but her shoulders held a subtle tension—like a feline about to pounce on its prey.
"Nothing important," she said in that sweet, singsong voice, far too sweet. "I just wanted to ask if you remembered something."
"Remember something?" I repeated slowly.
My former-office-worker brain kicked into emergency mode, scanning my recent memories at top speed for clues. What could it be? Had I forgotten an important date? An anniversary? No, we’d only been together a few weeks. Her birthday? She’d never mentioned it. Something related to the Church of the Eternal Goddess? No, the Saintess had already left. Some pending guild mission...?
And then my memory clicked.
The festival.
The hunting festival.
The same one we’d watched the villagers preparing for over the past several days. The same one Samira had mentioned with eyes shining with anticipation. The same one that started today.
Today.
And here I was, in the middle of the forest, training with the orcs like it was just another ordinary day, completely oblivious to the crimson and gold banners that would already be waving in the town square.
"Shit," I muttered.
I’d completely forgotten.
I opened my mouth to offer an apology, to explain that it hadn’t been intentional, that with everything that had happened over the past few days it had simply slipped my mind. Surely we could still make it. We could go right now. Samira would understand. She was understanding. She was reasonable. I just had to explain it properly.
But Samira spoke first.
She approached me with slow, measured, calculated steps. Her hips swayed with a feline elegance—hypnotic and dangerous all at once. Every step she took seemed to make the ground beneath my feet tremble. She stopped right in front of me, close enough for her perfume to flood my senses, and tilted her head slightly to one side.
Her smile was still sweet. But her eyes no longer were.
"Hal, my love," she said, her voice velvety and smooth, making every last hair on my body stand on end. "I’m going to be very clear with you so there’s no misunderstanding."
I swallowed hard.
"If you don’t take me to the hunting festival right now, with me and with Lia..." She paused dramatically, dragging out the suspense while I felt sweat starting to slide down the back of my neck. "...there will be no sex for an entire year."
I blinked.
"Wait, what?"
"A whole year, Harold Pitt," she repeated, enunciating every word. "Twelve months. Three hundred and sixty-five nights. No sex."
My brain took several seconds to process the magnitude of the threat. A year. An entire year without her caresses, without her kisses, without her G-cups pressing against my chest, without her legs tangled between mine, without her warm breath whispering my name in the darkness. A year. A goddamn year.
"And that’s not all," she continued, and this time her smile widened. "I also won’t allow you to do it with Chimera. Or with any new summon you pull from your gacha system. For the entire year."
"That’s cheating!" I protested, throwing my hands up. "Samira, that’s not fair!"
"Life isn’t fair, my dear husband," she replied, caressing my cheek with the tips of her fingers. "And no, I don’t care that we’re technically not married yet."
I was left speechless. Literally speechless. My mouth opened and closed several times, but no sound came out. Beside me, Chimera let out a stifled giggle from her spot under the tree. Even Dorko and Domack seemed to be holding their breath, as if they were afraid of drawing the attention of the angry wife’s fury.
"So then..." Samira tilted her head to the other side, her tone suddenly turning cheerful. "Are we leaving now?"
Resigned, I lifted my gaze to the sky. The clouds drifted lazily over the forest clearing, completely indifferent to my existential crisis.
"Yes, we’re leaving now," I answered with a defeated sigh.
"Perfect," she said, spinning around with a triumphant flourish. "I’ll be waiting at the entrance. And don’t take too long—Lia wants to see the candy stalls."
She started walking back toward the cabin, with Lia trotting happily at her side. Halfway there, Samira stopped and turned her head to look at me over her shoulder.
"Oh, and Hal..."
"...Yes?" I responded with a thread of a voice.
"I love you."
And she vanished among the trees, leaving me standing there in the middle of the clearing, my jaw hanging loose and the absolute certainty that my love life had turned into a chess match where I was the cornered king.
---
Chimera was the first to break the silence. She peeled herself off the tree and approached me with her imposing height of two meters forty, an amused smile dancing across her stitched lips.
"Well, well, my lord. It seems someone has been domesticated," she purred.
"Shut up," I muttered, without any real venom in my voice.
Dorko and Domack exchanged a knowing glance, but they had the wisdom not to add any further commentary.
I dragged a hand down my face, feeling the exhaustion built up from training and the tension from my conversation with Samira. Then, without being able to help it, I let out a small laugh.
We hadn’t even officially gotten married yet, and Samira was already acting like an angry wife.
"This is what you get for falling in love with a four-thousand-year-old woman," I said under my breath as I started walking toward the cabin to change clothes. "She comes with wife upgrades included in the package."
The worst part was that, deep down, it didn’t even bother me. Seeing her like that, with that mix of authority, sweetness, and determination... it only made me fall even more in love with her.
Although a year without sex was a cruel threat. Very cruel.
---
"Master," Dorko’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. "Does this mean there’s no more training today?"
I stopped and turned toward him. The young orc was watching me expectantly, his club still resting on his shoulder, sweat glistening on his green skin. Beside him, Domack waited in silence, arms crossed.
"It means something worse, Dorko-hym," I replied, shrugging with a resigned smile. "I’m sorry, but I’m afraid we won’t be able to continue training for the entire duration of the festival."
Dorko’s eyes flew wide open, and his club nearly slipped from his hands.
"Seriously, Master? Nothing at all?"
"Nothing at all. Samira made the situation very clear," I sighed, pointing toward the cabin with my thumb. "And trust me, I don’t want to find out if she was serious about the year without..."
I trailed off, shaking my head.
"Well, you get the idea. So go rest up, because the next few days are all about the festival. You too, Domack-ham. Enjoy yourselves a little."
The ash orc nodded with a slight bow of his head, and the ghost of a smile tugged at his lips. He knew perfectly well there was no escape.
"As you command, Master."
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