Chapter 44: Chapter 44 - Memories Of The Unfortunate Nanako 2
The life of a woman approaching forty is indeed covered in gray, without any variety, and... it is unfortunate to say, but apart from the birth of my daughter and my divorce from my ex, there is nothing else in my life that has really attracted attention.
I am like a black sheep, but in a more negative sense, and I suppose that is my fate.
From childhood, adolescence, and then adulthood, Nanako was a shy and timid person.
Her life began like everyone else’s, but when she was still a child, a bully boy hurt her deeply, and she developed a feeling of inferiority that haunts a single mother all the time.
Ironically, that boy turned out to be my future husband.
I didn’t know this for a long time until we accidentally had a conversation about the past and he mentioned an unpleasant episode in his life that he wanted to forget.
He apologized so profusely that I truly believed in his remorse, but in the end... cheating, illogical accusations, divorce, and a final despicable act that confirmed once and for all that he hadn’t changed since childhood and remained the same irresponsible monster.
I filed for divorce and won the case, but this disgusting creature forgot about his daughter’s existence and left the country with his mistress to never contact us again.
When she got divorced, Nanako received enough money to live comfortably for the next few years, but she was not a stupid woman and understood that it was not enough for her future prospects.
Her daughter was growing up, and it was clear that her needs would change over time, and Nanako herself needed money to finally have surgery on her painful organs.
Two years later, she could no longer bear the pain and had to undergo urgent treatment.
Fortunately, there was enough money at that moment to pay for the treatment, and fortunately, the operation was successful.
For the first time in a long time, I felt physically better and was happy with the new changes.
Now I can move freely, even run and do most of the simple things that were previously unavailable to me.
It seemed that Nanako’s life would only get better, but it turned out that the problems were still there and they were related to... her inner world.
...
I thought for a long time about what was the catalyst for my... psychological suffering, and the first thing that came to mind was my failed marriage.
To a certain extent... this was partly true, but over time it became clear that the events of my married life with my ex were not the main problem.
It was strange to accept for myself, but my husband, whom I loved, was quickly forgotten and became just a part of my memories of years gone by.
(Did I really love him? For some reason, it’s hard to answer that question now.)
Perhaps I really did love him, but when he confessed his past deeds from his childhood, somewhere deep inside me, that same childhood resentment awakened, lurking like hatred and passing through the years... erased all the positive emotions he had once given me, and my heart stopped perceiving him as love, or perhaps there was no love at all, and I, having no experience, began to consider it to be that very feeling.
It is difficult to say what is true in all this, but now it does not matter, as my inner grief was for another person.
Who would have thought that the little boy who had been my neighbor for years and spent a lot of time with my daughter would become my... depression?
It turned out that it was the absence of little Sohen that was the main reason for the disruption of my life balance, and not only mine.
I had noticed long ago that something was wrong with my daughter.
An active and cheerful girl who always smiled at her mother and wanted to be with her friend and neighbor became a very withdrawn person who was interested in almost nothing.
The absence of her father in her life also played a significant role, but the sudden disappearance of her only friend was a fatal blow.
Although the pain gradually faded, it would never be the same as it was before Sohen stopped being our neighbor...
...
Time flew by quickly, and now ten years have passed.
I haven’t changed much, but my beautiful daughter has become a younger version of me.
Nothing had changed for us during all this time, but we knew that soon it would.
After Maria finished school, we decided to change our usual rhythm of life and try something new.
Over the years, we had accumulated many memories that made it difficult not to cry, so we decided to move.
Over the next few months, I decided how to sell our house and where to go in search of a new one.
This period passed quickly, and in the end, we sold the house, packed our things, and set off on our journey.
The distance to the new house took quite a long time, but I was sure I had made the right decision.
She and Maria arrived exactly when they had planned, and they were unexpectedly met by their future neighbors.
Even from a certain point of view, you can see that they are good people, so I was even more grateful for choosing this place.
Good neighbors are the key to peace of mind for years to come, but she did not expect that among them would be a girl my daughter is friends with.
The fact that someone close to my child lives nearby made my heart rejoice for my daughter.
I was worried about my daughter and her adaptation to the new place, but it seems that everything will be fine. However, the news did not end there.
The most shocking thing would be waiting for me in a few minutes when he appeared... the same little boy from the past, who had turned into a handsome and well-built man with the same gentle gaze, almost unchanged over the years.
My brain, heart, and even soul went crazy when they saw him in his new form.
Once again, I felt the desire to be his only mother, which I had felt since I met him on that fateful day.
(Sohen... My son... You’re alive... I’m so happy...)
Forgetting everything, I rushed into his arms, and tears automatically flowed from my eyes.
My little boy... my son, whom I had always dreamed of having back with me.
(Sohen... my lost son has returned to his mother...)
It may seem crazy to hear my words about Sohen, but since we met and I began to look after him from time to time, he became... the son I could only dream of.
The three of us have been through so many different episodes together that it would be strange not to consider him a member of my family.
Nanako doesn’t care about formalities, and for her, he will always be like a son, and she would be incredibly happy to hear him say "mom" one day, a word that was meant for this woman.
[She thanked God for the opportunity to see her "son" so close again, but Nanako does not yet know that their relationship will change significantly in a short period of time and that Sohen will indeed call her "mom", but the meaning of this word would be completely different, and she herself would experience completely different emotions that no one had ever given her before... a lonely and beautiful woman.]
