Ishina had become someone who couldn't even afford to be greedy for relationships. He could give up on anything handed to him without hesitation.
So when he finally enlisted in the Border Defense Army—
"Oh, all my fellow recruits died?"
Ishina remained indifferent even when his peers perished. They were never relationships he had accepted in the first place.
"My direct juniors died too?"
When six of his direct juniors died, leaving only Salvia and Aquila, he was just as detached.
When Denin died, he was indifferent.
When Dory died, he was indifferent.
No matter who died, he felt no sadness. To Ishina, they held about as much weight as background characters in a book.
But then, when Salvia asked him that question—
"What would you do if I died?"
To him, Salvia was nothing more than a particularly stubborn junior who never listened.
Of course, in reality, she did listen to him. In fact, she considered him a good senior and followed him closely, but—
"Aquila, what’s wrong?"
"You should know exactly what’s wrong, Ishina!"
Sometimes, when he said things that frustrated both Aquila and himself, or when he misunderstood her personality and thoughts in a completely offbeat way, she truly wanted to tear her hair out.
But then, the same Salvia he had always dismissed as a naïve, insubordinate junior asked him a question that hit the mark.
"Ishina, you’re always so emotionally detached...."
She knew.
Even though she was well aware that Ishina felt no attachment to the people around him, she still smiled at him like always.
How has she managed to keep doing that?
Was she just that foolishly kind? Or was she simply empty inside?
In that moment, even though he knew it would ruin whatever fragile understanding they had, Ishina pushed her away and left as if fleeing.
And then, when Salvia barely survived a brush with death and came back—
The moment he saw her face, covered in tears and dirt, Ishina realized something.
I can’t let go.
He had always been quick to let go of things. He had never once in his life felt possessive over anything.
But he had grown too used to Salvia’s presence.
The thought of her disappearing from his sight made his stomach churn to the point of madness.
I can’t let her go.
Even if she died, he would never be able to cut off this relationship as cleanly as he had with everything else.
"Salvia... I’m sorry...."
As he wiped her tear-streaked face, he apologized over and over again.
He had been wrong to think he could sever ties with someone who had followed him so persistently despite knowing exactly what kind of person he was.
Salvia, for all her sharp edges, was someone who clung desperately to people.
Even when she growled and bared her teeth, if a junior of hers was in trouble, she would always find a way to step in and help, as if she simply couldn’t bring herself to abandon them completely.
She was starving for human connection—even if she didn’t realize it herself.
She knew exactly what kind of person Ishina was, and yet she still reached out to him.
Can I really just leave her be?
Of course, he already knew the answer.
He would never let Salvia go.
She had come to him despite knowing what kind of person he was, and if that was the case, then the only thing he could do was make sure he never let her go.
Salvia was the first person in his life he had ever desired.
The first person he had ever wanted to hold onto.
***
After dragging my battered body and exhausted mind back to camp, I collapsed onto the floor the moment I let go of my bag.
The others were sprawled out in similar states of exhaustion. I lay on my back, staring at the ceiling. The ground dug into my back since there wasn’t a blanket underneath me, but I couldn’t bring myself to care.
I turned my head and looked around—Benny was there, but I didn’t see Angel anywhere.
"Did he die?"
"Huh?"
Benny blinked at me in confusion.
"He’s not here."
"He went on an errand... Are you seriously asking if he died just because you don’t see him?"
"Oh, so he’s alive."
I was genuinely impressed. Surviving that kind of hellish chaos was no small feat.
And with that, I decided to reflect on my attitude.
Sure, in this place, the only way to stay sane was to become strong enough not to flinch when people dropped dead around me.
But I had been a little too indifferent.
It wasn’t until I had brushed against death myself that I realized how callous I had been.
From now on, I should at least feel a little sad when someone dies!
Not that I could stop people from dying on my own, anyway...
***
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Somehow, as Salvia clenched her fist with a resolute expression, Benny saw a familiar glint in her eyes.
Ah... she’s back...
It was that slightly unhinged look Benny had grown accustomed to.
Though, this time, it seemed just a little more unhinged than before.
Still, Benny decided to be satisfied that Salvia had regained her energy.
***
During the Ghostgroom subjugation, something miraculous happened—not a single soldier in our platoon died!
Gamma Platoon, on the other hand, had suffered heavy casualties, causing a bit of an uproar, but... well, that had nothing to do with me.
And after the battle, a few changes occurred.
One of them was Ishina switching weapons.
“You’re using a gun from now on?”
Lately, Ishina had been training with firearms. As expected of an original male lead, his skill was impressive even for a beginner—he even seemed to handle a gun better than the sword he’d been using before.
In the original novel, Ishina had used a gun, but... could it be that he only switched weapons after Salvia’s death?
Well, male leads are naturally good at everything, so whatever.
“Yeah, I’ll be using a gun from now on. Oh, can you check if my stance looks okay?”
The Ishina who had clung to me, endlessly repeating his apologies that day, had now returned to his usual self. He even smiled at me as if nothing had ever happened.
“But why did you switch?” I asked, watching his shooting form.
Ishina answered in a calm voice.
“There are only two marksmen in our platoon. It’s becoming a bit dangerous.”
“Ah...”
He was definitely referring to the moment during the subjugation when El and I had nearly died.
“And unlike swords, guns introduce different risk factors. I want to understand all the potential dangers.”
I honestly didn’t fully understand his reasoning, but I nodded along anyway.
“Salvia.”
Beside me, Aquila, who had been silently watching Ishina with me, suddenly called my name.
“Yeah?”
“You’re cold. Your body temperature feels low.”
“Really?”
Without thinking, I reached out my hand to him, meaning for him to check if I actually felt cold.
Aquila took my hand and started warming it with his own body heat.
That’s when Ishina interrupted.
“Aquila.”
“...Yes.”
“I need to talk to you about something regarding the company headquarters. Let’s step aside for a moment.”
“Yes, sir.”
That was obviously a ‘Salvia doesn’t need to hear this’ excuse. It was exactly like when Yuri had found an excuse to send Benny away, or when Benny had done the same to Angel.
Aquila’s expression was displeased, but he still followed Ishina away. I could only stare blankly at the spot they left behind.
“...I have no idea what’s going on.”
That was the second change after the subjugation—somehow, the relationship between Aquila and Ishina had become strained.
Before, they had a simple good senior, good junior dynamic, but now...
Even if Ishina had come to accept me as a real connection after I almost died, why had his relationship with Aquila, of all people, become distant? Or rather, why did Aquila seem to be the only one awkward around him?
“...Nope. Still don’t get it.”
Deciding to stop thinking about it, I went to find Karon, who had just finished his shift on watch duty. I hadn’t played with him in a while, and he was probably sulking by now.
***
"Aquila, how many times do I have to tell you?"
Ishina was smiling, but Aquila knew that wasn’t a genuine smile.
"Cut it out already."
He was referring to the moment when Aquila had held Salvia’s hand to warm it. Aquila answered with a neutral expression.
"She said she was cold, so I warmed her hand. That’s all."
"No, Salvia doesn’t understand anything."
But Ishina remained firm.
"If she shared your feelings, it’d be one thing. But she doesn’t. So how can you just let it be, huh?"
Aquila had already noticed that Ishina had started hovering over Salvia after the subjugation.
But since Ishina was his senior, there wasn’t much Aquila could do about it.
"I’m not trying to do anything in particular."
"Then what do you call what you just did? Haah... Salvia barely listens to me as it is, but even if she’s dense, I can’t just stand by while you—"
"Karon!"
Right then, Salvia’s voice rang out, and they both instinctively turned their heads.
She was waving enthusiastically at Karon, who had just finished his shift. Karon, with an expression of pure joy, ran toward her without hesitation.
“...Are you just going to let that happen?” Aquila asked.
"Karon... is different. He’s always like that. You don’t get all suspicious of him either," Ishina pointed out.
"That’s... true."
Both Aquila and Ishina nodded in agreement about their shared assessment of Karon.
"But what if Karon... develops feelings for her?" Aquila questioned.
"Well... You’ve been keeping him in check to prevent that, haven’t you?"
“...You knew?"
"It was kind of obvious. There’s no reason for you to go out of your way to look after him otherwise. And besides—"
Before Ishina could finish his sentence, Karon—who had been running too fast—practically tackled Salvia to the ground.
Immediately, both Ishina and Aquila rushed over.
"Salvia, are you okay?!"
"Karon, stop jumping on people! How is she supposed to handle your size?!"
***
"Ugh..."
I pushed myself up with some effort. Luckily, Karon had managed to catch me just enough to keep me from completely falling over.
Aquila reached out, intending to brush the dust off my hands, but he stopped mid-motion when Ishina shot him a strange look.
Seriously, I had no idea what was going on between those two these days.
"Heh."
A small chuckle sounded behind me, making me frown.
Benny was strolling past, smiling brightly.
"Ah, I love military life these days."
...As always, Benny was saying incomprehensible things.
Well, geniuses were meant to be impossible to understand anyway.