Chapter 446: Chapter 444: Do You Hate Me?
Xu Su’s own analogy made her cringe. She shrank back and shivered, but before she could say a word, Xi Zirong pulled her into his arms again.
"Cold?" He glanced at her bare legs, his brow furrowing even tighter. He opened his suitcase, pulled out a black jacket, and draped it over her legs. "Ride with me tomorrow. Our destination is the same, okay?"
"..." Xu Su wanted to agree, but then she thought about Zhou Mochen finding out she was on vacation here, and that she had traveled all the way with Xi Zirong...
She shook her head firmly. "No, I’ll just stick with my group."
Xi Zirong watched her in silence for a few seconds, then sighed helplessly. "Alright, then I’ll travel with your group. Susu, you can’t say no to this, too. Be careful, or I’ll start crying right here in front of you."
Xu Su’s expression was complicated. "You’ve learned that trick now?"
’Since when did she remember Xi Zirong possessing the skill of crying and whining...’
’Isn’t that Zhou Mochen’s signature move?’
Xi Zirong smiled faintly. "I have no choice. It seems this is the only thing that works on you. Oh, right... if I said I’ve cried many times, would you come back to me?"
Xu Su was genuinely stunned.
’What does he mean, he’s cried many times?’
’When could he have possibly cried so many times?’
Xi Zirong seemed determined to make her go soft on him, completely disregarding his own pride. As if afraid he might change his mind, he swiftly took off his jacket, revealing a white short-sleeved shirt underneath. He extended his arm, holding it out to her.
"Here," Xi Zirong said, his voice eerily calm. "They almost couldn’t save me. Pathetic, isn’t it?"
On the wrist before her was a fresh, thick scar. It looked like it had only healed recently; the new flesh was a tender pink, making it clear just how deep the original wound had been.
Xu Su grabbed his hand. Shock and pain flooded her, making her mind go blank. For a moment, she was utterly speechless. It took her a long while before she could look up. "When did this happen?"
Her voice was dry, hoarse, and trembling...
’But he was perfectly fine the last time they saw each other at the teacher appreciation banquet.’
"After you went to Beijing. Don’t cry,"
Xi Zirong raised his hand to wipe away her tears, adding, "after you went to Beijing with him and stopped answering my messages. I was in so much pain back then, I lost control. It wasn’t intentional. Don’t blame yourself. It has nothing to do with you."
’Don’t blame yourself. It has nothing to do with you...’
Xu Su’s hands trembled. ’How could it have nothing to do with me? How could it possibly have nothing to do with me!’
’She had seen it at the teacher appreciation banquet—his gloominess, his weariness with the world. She had known something was wrong. She had wanted to go back and comfort him, but she had hardened her heart and refused to look back.’
’She had even picked a fight with Zhou Mochen right in front of him, and then initiated a kiss with Zhou Mochen herself!’
’She never once considered how he would feel seeing that—the boy she had abandoned, who was already utterly dejected and verging on nihilism...’
’She was always the cruelest to him, never once considering his feelings. She had broken up with him just like that, clean and decisive.’
’So what if he was more mature and brilliant than others his age? He was still just a teenager. His resilience wasn’t infinite...’
Guilt and heartache assaulted her in waves, bringing with them a dense, stifling ache that instantly overwhelmed Xu Su’s reason.
In that moment, her composure completely shattered. Her mind was filled with nothing but Xi Zirong.
’Xi Zirong shouldn’t be like this.’
’How could he be so weary of the world that he’d want to die!’
’He was the prim and proper "Study God," the gentle young man as radiant as the moon. He was the one who would patiently tutor her, who would hug her with a smile and act coquettishly, and he was also the boyfriend who would get jealous, drag her into the woods, and kiss her breathless.’
’What on earth had she done!’
"Don’t be like this," Xi Zirong said helplessly, cupping her face and looking at her tear-streaked cheeks. "I don’t want your pity, Susu. Please, stop crying."
’In truth, even he felt a pang of guilt as he said those words.’
’His real thought when he’d taken off his jacket to show her the wound was, ’Even if it’s just pity, that’s fine. Just don’t abandon me...’’
’He didn’t care about dignity or pride anymore. So what if it was just guilt and pity? He didn’t care.’
’It was good enough that she could feel sorry for him...’
Tears streamed down Xu Su’s face as she clung to him, unable to utter a single word.
’What do I do... What do I do...’
Xi Zirong let her hold him, feeling deep down like a terrible person. ’Using a tactic like this...’
’To use a tactic like this!’
’But so what?’
’If he hadn’t done this, would she ever have been willing to give him a second glance?’
His eyes were bloodshot as he raised a hand to stroke the hair of the girl in his arms.
He had just finished his college entrance exams. If word got out that the province’s top science scholar had attempted suicide over a relationship, it would have been a massive scandal. Fortunately, the Xi Family had kept the news on complete lockdown. Not a single one of Xi Zirong’s classmates or friends had any idea.
Only Jiang Chusheng, who was far away in the Magic Capital, knew what had happened. Their families had been friends for generations. When Xi Zirong was a child, he had attended school in the Magic Capital while his parents were there, and the two boys had become very close, staying in touch all these years.
After hearing about the incident, Jiang Chusheng had specifically invited Xi Zirong on a trip, just to help him clear his head.
Otherwise, Xu Su’s identity would have likely been exposed. Even with Zhou Mochen’s people controlling the online narrative and deleting photos, anyone truly determined to investigate would have learned the truth.
Xu Su could no longer think about anything else. The waves of retroactive fear crashing over her were all for Xi Zirong.
’She didn’t dare to imagine what would have happened... if she had been in Beijing and received news of Xi Zirong’s death, what would she have done...’
’What would she have done!’
’Could she have continued to be with Zhou Mochen as if nothing had happened?’
’She would have probably spent the rest of her life punishing herself, drowning in guilt and self-recrimination.’
’She had once believed that breaking up with Xi Zirong to be with Zhou Mochen was the right choice. She thought she was setting things right, putting the three of them back on the trajectory of their previous lives.’
’She had once believed that Xi Zirong would be fine without her, but Zhou Mochen wouldn’t—that Zhou Mochen couldn’t live without Xu Su.’
’She had once believed that everything she did was correct, that she had made no mistakes, that it was all for the good of the three of them.’
’But now... was she really so blameless?’
’Look at this scar and ask yourself... are you truly without fault?’
’It turned out that Xi Zirong was the one who truly couldn’t bear to lose her...’
Xu Su looked up, her expression dazed. "Do you hate me? Xi Zirong, do you hate me?"
"Why would I hate you?" Xi Zirong sighed, his gaze as gentle as ever. "Xu Su, I could only ever hate myself for not being able to make you stay."
"..."
’He really hadn’t changed one bit. He was still the same boy from when they first met, the one with that ’simp’ Attribute.’
Xu Su pressed her lips together, conflicted and unsure of what to do.
’She had to admit, for a brief moment, she had genuinely considered breaking up with Zhou Mochen for Xi Zirong’s sake.’
’She didn’t want Xi Zirong to be so dejected and cynical...’
’He was saved this time, but what if next time...’
Xu Su tightened her grip on Xi Zirong’s hand, burying her face in his chest once more and hugging him with all her might.
’This was Xi Zirong. Her Xi Zirong.’
’She had never imagined he would die. She had never imagined he would try to kill himself just because she left him...’
"Stop crying..." Xi Zirong gently lifted Xu Su’s face from his chest, cupping it in his hands and pressing his forehead against hers. "I didn’t tell you about this because I wanted to see you cry."
