Chapter 25 - Addiction
The next day, Holo entered Felicia's room with a mixture of determination and wariness. Yesterday's encounter had left him with more questions than answers, and he was determined to get to the bottom of Felicia's behavior. She was already waiting for him, seated in her usual spot, her expression unreadable for once.
As the door clicked shut behind him, Holo crossed his arms and faced her directly. "Felicia," he began, his tone calm but firm. "Why do you want to have sex with me?"
Felicia blinked, clearly taken aback by his bluntness. Her lips curled into a faint smirk, but it lacked its usual confidence. "Getting straight to the point, huh?" she said, trying to sound casual.
"Yes," Holo said firmly. "I'm tired of these games, Felicia. I want the truth."
Her smirk faltered, and she looked away, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her dress. "Why does it matter?" she muttered. "You already hate me, don't you?"
Holo frowned, his arms dropping to his sides. "I don't hate you," he said softly. "I'm not pleased with what you've done, and maybe I should hate you... but I don't."
Felicia's eyes widened slightly, and she looked up at him with a mixture of disbelief and confusion. "Why not? After everything I've done, why don't you hate me?"
"Because I want to understand you," Holo said. "I'm not excusing your actions, but I think there's a reason behind them. And I want to know what it is."
Felicia's gaze dropped to the floor, and she let out a bitter laugh. "You're so naive, Holo," she said. "Always trying to see the good in people. It's going to get you hurt."
"Maybe," Holo admitted. "But that doesn't change the fact that I'm here to help you. So, tell me—why do you act this way? Why do you want to have sex with me?"
She hesitated, her hands clenching into fists on her lap. For a moment, she seemed to be wrestling with herself, torn between her usual deflection and the growing pressure of his persistence.
Finally, she looked up at him, her red eyes gleaming with a mix of defiance and vulnerability. "What if I don't want to tell you?" she said, her voice trembling slightly.
Holo's expression hardened, and he took a step closer. "Then I'll have no choice but to report you," he said, his tone serious. "What you've done isn't just wrong—it's illegal. You could go to prison for assault."
Felicia flinched at his words, her confidence crumbling further. "You wouldn't do that," she said weakly, though her voice lacked conviction.
"Try me," Holo said, his gaze steady. "This is your chance to be honest with me, Felicia. If you don't take it, I don't know what else I can do for you."
She stared at him, her lips trembling as she processed his words. After a long silence, she sighed and looked away. "Fine," she muttered. "Come back tomorrow, and I'll tell you."
Holo nodded, satisfied for now. "I'll hold you to that," he said. "But remember, Felicia—this is your chance to start being honest. Don't waste it."
He turned and headed for the door, pausing briefly to glance back at her. She was still sitting in her chair, her head bowed and her hands gripping the fabric of her dress tightly. For the first time, she looked genuinely shaken.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Holo said softly before stepping out of the room.
As the door closed behind him, Felicia let out a shaky breath, her shoulders slumping. She didn't know why she had agreed to his demand, but something about the way he looked at her—so earnest, so determined—made it impossible to refuse.
"Stupid Holo," she muttered under her breath, her voice cracking. "Why do you care so much?"
She sat in silence, her mind racing as she tried to prepare herself for what she would say the next day.
The next day, Holo stepped into Felicia's room with cautious determination. After her promise, he expected something different from the usual teasing and games, though he was still unsure if she would truly open up to him. Felicia was already seated in her chair, but there was no smirk on her face this time. She seemed nervous, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her dress.
"You came," she said softly, her voice lacking its usual playful edge.
"You asked me to," Holo replied, sitting down across from her. "I'm here to listen."
Felicia let out a shaky breath, avoiding his gaze. "I don't even know where to start."
"Start wherever you want," Holo said gently. "I'm not here to judge you."
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She glanced at him briefly before looking away again, her hands clenching tightly in her lap. "You should hate me, you know," she muttered. "After everything I've done, you'd have every right to."
"I don't hate you," Holo said firmly. "But I do want to understand you. So, tell me. Why do you act like this? Why do you want to have sex with me?"
Felicia took a deep breath, her shoulders trembling slightly. "It's... not easy to explain," she said. "But I'll try."
She paused, gathering her thoughts, before finally beginning. "I grew up in a strict religious household. My parents were devout, and they expected me to be the same. I wasn't allowed to do anything that wasn't deemed 'moral.' No dating, no hanging out with boys, no talking about anything remotely sexual. They wanted me to be their perfect, innocent little girl."
Holo nodded, his expression softening as he listened.
"I was innocent, for the most part," she continued. "I followed their rules, did what they wanted, and never questioned it. But then, when I was sixteen, I met my first boyfriend. He was older, charming, and nothing like the sheltered life I was used to. He introduced me to things I'd never even thought about before. And one day... he showed me porn."
Felicia's voice wavered, and she looked down at her hands. "I'd never seen anything like it. It was... overwhelming. I didn't know how to process it. I'd spent my whole life suppressing any kind of desire or curiosity, and suddenly, it was all right there in front of me. It felt like something inside me had been unleashed."
Holo remained silent, letting her continue at her own pace.
"My boyfriend gaslit me into thinking it was normal, that everyone did it. He told me I needed to loosen up, that I needed to let go of the 'stupid rules' my parents had drilled into me. And I believed him. So, when he asked me to have sex with him, I didn't even hesitate. I thought it was what I was supposed to do."
She clenched her fists, her voice growing bitter. "It didn't take long for things to spiral after that. I became addicted to porn—watching it, thinking about it, letting it consume me. I couldn't function without it. And then... he left me."
Felicia's red eyes glistened as she looked up at Holo, her voice trembling. "He cheated on me. Told me I wasn't good enough anymore, that he'd found someone hotter. And just to be petty, he told my parents about everything—about the porn, the sex, all of it."
Holo's chest tightened as he imagined the pain she must have felt.
"My parents were furious," Felicia continued, her voice cracking. "They beat me, screamed at me, called me every horrible name you can think of. They told me I was a disgrace, a sinner, and that I deserved everything I got. But you know what? That just made it worse. The more they hurt me, the more I turned to porn to escape. It was the only thing that made me feel anything other than pain."
She paused, her breathing shaky. "By the time I turned eighteen, I wasn't even living anymore. I was just... existing. I couldn't leave my room. I couldn't stop thinking about porn. It was all I had left. And then the thoughts started."
Holo tilted his head slightly. "What thoughts?"
Felicia hesitated, her hands trembling. "I started thinking about... doing the things I saw in the videos. To other people. To kids." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "It terrified me. I didn't want to hurt anyone, but I couldn't stop the thoughts. So, I turned myself in."
Holo's eyes widened slightly. "You... turned yourself in?"
She nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I didn't know what else to do. I thought if I confessed, if I asked for help, they'd fix me. But instead, they locked me up here. And the more time I spent alone, the worse it got. My thoughts, my desires, my... everything. It all just kept festering."
Felicia wiped at her eyes, her voice trembling. "And then I saw you."
Holo stiffened slightly but said nothing, letting her continue.
"You were so... cute," she said, a faint blush creeping onto her cheeks. "So pure. My brain went haywire the moment I saw you. I couldn't stop thinking about you—how I wanted you, how I needed you. I thought maybe if I could just have you, everything would get better. That you could fix me somehow."
Holo's heart ached as he listened to her, the pieces of her broken past falling into place. "Felicia," he said softly, "you've been through so much..."
"Don't pity me," she said quickly, her voice sharp. "I don't deserve it."
"I'm not pitying you," Holo said firmly. "I'm trying to understand you."
She looked up at him, her red eyes filled with pain and confusion. "Why?" she whispered. "Why do you even care?"
"Because I don't think you're beyond saving," Holo said, his voice steady. "You're not a monster, Felicia. You're someone who's been hurt—someone who's trying to find a way out of the darkness."
Her lip quivered, and she looked away, her hands clenching tightly. "You're an idiot, Holo," she muttered. "But... thank you."
Holo stood, his heart heavy but his resolve stronger than ever. "I'll be back tomorrow," he said. "We're going to figure this out together."
As he left the room, Felicia sat in silence, her mind racing. For the first time in years, she felt a flicker of something she thought she had lost forever—hope.