Chapter 407: Snakes
By innate proclivity, Liam was simple and honest. That was his nature, and, in many ways, it still was.
However, simplicity didn’t mean naivety, and life had beaten the latter out of Liam time and time again.
Changing a person’s nature was harder, but Liam had gone through that, too. He still preferred straightforward approaches, but what that meant had gone through multiple revolutions.
And Liam had to understand the meaning to see his reflection. He needed to because uncertainty led to hesitation, and hesitation was dangerous.
Liam had already seen it with Melissa, leading to a departure before he could express how he truly felt.
The same had happened with Horace Rauret. Liam had always worked hard, but things might have been different if he had been a more mature man back then. If anything, his kowtows might have happened earlier, prolonging the Master-disciple relationship by a few months.
Now, Liam had met a similar problem with Grace, one he had never believed could happen, deepening the complexity of life by leaps and bounds in ways he didn’t know how to navigate.
And truth was, life had always been that complicated. Liam realized as much now. He had been the one too simple and immature to see it.
Which was why Liam believed the introspection to be necessary, even mandatory. He had to understand himself to face the intricacies of life without hesitation, both to survive and not to hurt anyone he cared about with his indecisiveness.
Regret was worse than death. Liam had experienced that multiple times and had long since reached that conclusion, and he couldn’t accept it anymore. He even found it unforgivable now.
After all, Liam wasn’t inconsequential or ignorant anymore. He blamed himself for much that wasn’t his fault and that he couldn’t have avoided, but he wasn’t that clueless, powerless kid now.
It was time to take a stand on life instead of being dragged along with the flow without even realizing it. Still, to do that, Liam needed to know who he was first. Only then could he see how he would tackle such a complex world.
’Three,’ Liam thought amidst his coughing and circulation technique. ’No, four.’
When Liam dug into himself and his life experiences, he found four versions of himself.
The first was the monkey-boy raised by the mountain, abiding by his father’s rules that the Divine Cult’s kidnapping had shattered, teaching him that strength stood above all in the grimness that was life.
The second was the son of the Ancestral Snake, the madness promised by the Heavens, the legendary enemy of the world who wanted nothing but to swallow everything, submerging it in his all-consuming Hatred.
The third was Horace Rauret’s disciple, heir of his Master’s knowledge, skills, and spark, of the drive that had prevented him from getting lost in the bleakness of life and had kept him going with resolve.
The fourth was the unreasonable Liam born during the battle against Dominic, who accepted the Ancestral Snake’s Hatred because it was power, when the irrational but righteous desire of getting everything without losing anything had arisen.
There were similarities all around, significant overlaps. Still, Liam saw the distinction, which created a debilitating conflict, like pieces of a puzzle that didn’t match perfectly, getting in each other’s way.
Instead, Liam needed to be just Liam, with a unified philosophy on life that the world couldn’t affect, no matter what problems the world threw at him.
’What do I want?’ Liam thought. ’Why do I want it? How do I want to get it?’
The first answer involved a still-growing long list with many items that would sound absurd to the average cultivator. They also spanned all kinds of fields, with some conflicting with each other.
Yet, if Liam had to boil everything down to a single answer, he knew the only words that fit.
’I want what I want,’ Liam concluded.
It sounded stupid and limited, childish even, but Liam had seen it time and time again in the most inspirational examples in his life. Lancelot just wanted excitement. His Master only desired alchemy. Even the Dragon King lived solely by his idea of Perfection.
There was power in simplicity, producing incredible results. It didn’t have to be mature. It didn’t have to be rational. People simply desired things and pursued them, with few exceptional examples even daring to go after the craziest, impossible ones.
The second answer was easier to find. There was a single reason behind Liam’s first true desire, one that had created a chain reaction, eventually bringing him there.
’Because I’ve been robbed of my family,’ Liam considered. ’Because hatred is a burning love that was ripped away.’
Liam didn’t seek to make things right. Death was final, so there was nothing to get back. He didn’t even delude himself into thinking that his revenge was righteous and just. Such words had no meaning, especially to powerless ants.
But there was an unfairness, one that had expanded the more Liam saw of the world. He disliked so much about it and the people living in it.
’Because I hate it,’ Liam thought. ’I don’t care about the world, but I want my world to go as I say.’
The third answer was the hardest to find. There were so many ways to pursue goals. However, if Liam had to be honest, there was one he preferred, one that he found perfect for him, both in terms of suitability and rewards.
’I always gained the most when I killed,’ Liam admitted.
There had even been an instance inside the inheritance when Liam had struck first because the Church’s team had been a hindrance. He had justified that through his greater needs and Ignatius’ intentions, but the event remained emblematic of his gradual transformation.
Truth was, Liam had grown used to killing.
At that point in the reasoning, something clicked.
’Am I the only one holding back?’ Liam considered. ’Am I the only one making this many problems for myself?’
Liam knew that his idea of fairness and what was right had evolved too quickly for his conscious side to keep up. He was also young, with barely two years of experience outside Krosstoen’s mountain.
Still, it truly seemed like Liam was the only one in the world tiptoeing around things, worried about not crossing lines, when everyone else just did whatever they wanted, uncaring of who got hurt in the process.
’The Guilds, the Church, the Sects, and even the Dragon King,’ Liam hissed in his mind. ’They just make rules that oppress everyone and call it normal. Why should I be suppressed? What rights do they have to stand in my way?’
Just like with the Church’s team in the inheritance, if Liam wanted something, people had to make way. If they didn’t, it meant they didn’t understand who was standing in front of them.
’I have the entire Kingdom against me,’ Liam thought, ’And I’m the one showing concerns? I’m the one who should step back and accept his fate? I’m the one who should hold back when I can kill them all? Do they think their rules can protect them from me?’
The ancient hiss kept resounding in Liam’s mind, and his thoughts inevitably went to snakes. Those creatures were cold and emotionless, very much unlike Liam, but there was a stark similarity, probably the most important.
’Snakes swallow prey until their stomach is about to burst,’ Liam pondered, ’And turn it into strength, growing with each meal, just like I’ve done with everyone I killed.’
At times, the growth was tangible, involving financial gains. Other times, the earnings had been spiritual, in terms of reputation, or something else. However, there were benefits nonetheless.
That answer only involved one aspect of life, but it had repercussions throughout the whole puzzle, removing uncertainties in every other aspect of Liam’s psyche. He could even summarize it in a single line, his new unifying philosophy, one that sounded a lot like what his Master had wanted him to become.
’What I kill,’ Liam concluded his introspection, ’I own.’
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