Chapter 1640: I... I’m sorry
"I love you, Lackey."
Those words made the air inside the dining room feel strangely heavier.
Even Lackey froze for a brief moment, the spoon in his hand stopping halfway before it could reach the plate.
It wasn’t as though he had never expected something like this.
Even a blind man could see how much effort Penelope had been putting into speaking with him lately. The way she lingered near him longer than necessary, the way her eyes unconsciously searched for him whenever he entered a building, the way her voice softened whenever she spoke his name.
Considering everything he had done for her... and considering how gently he had treated her compared to the cruelty she had endured before... affection was inevitable.
Still, hearing those words directly from her lips caught him off guard.
Especially this soon.
At the same time, Penelope herself looked equally shocked. Her eyes widened slightly as if she had only realised what she said after hearing her own voice. Panic immediately flashed across her face, and she hurriedly tried to fix her mistake.
"I-I meant... I love your h-h-hou-ouse, M-Mr. Lackey—"
Her words stumbled over one another awkwardly, breaking apart before they could properly form. She forced out a nervous laugh, trying to bury the confession beneath a clumsy excuse, but the moment she opened her mouth again... the words stopped.
Her expression slowly changed.
The forced embarrassment faded, replaced by something quieter.
Something heavier.
Her fingers tightened slightly around the fork resting beside her plate as memories she rarely allowed herself to revisit began surfacing again.
A past she deeply regretted.
If she had said those words earlier to that boy back then... would things have turned out differently?
Would he have treated her more gently?
Would he have loved her properly instead of drifting further away from her?
She didn’t know.
Maybe the ending would still have been painful.
Maybe nothing would have changed at all.
But one thing she understood now was that silence had ruined more than honesty ever could.
Back then, she kept suppressing her feelings because she believed she needed to prove her worth first.
She thought love had to be earned slowly, carefully, perfectly. She thought if she appeared valuable enough, important enough, then maybe she would finally deserve affection.
Instead, life twisted apart before she could even reach that point.
Life was cruel like that.
One moment, everything glowed warmly enough to make you believe happiness would stay forever.
Then suddenly, without warning, the light vanished, leaving behind nothing except cold darkness and regret.
That was why those words escaped her now.
Not because she was confused.
Not because she was emotional.
But because her heart could no longer tolerate another unfinished regret.
Holding back only created wounds that never truly healed.
Penelope slowly lowered her gaze toward the half-eaten food on her plate. The steam rising from it had already faded, leaving the meal cold long ago, yet neither of them had noticed.
She was no longer some naïve young woman incapable of understanding her own emotions.
She had lived long enough to recognise loneliness when it wrapped around someone’s heart. She had reached thirty years old without status, without family support, without anything remarkable attached to her name.
She had seen enough of the world to understand what kindness truly looked like.
And what loneliness looked like too.
Taking a small breath, she shook her head weakly, rejecting the excuse she had tried to create earlier.
Lackey deserved honesty.
This man had given her something she thought she had already lost long ago.
A reason to move forward.
A reason to wake up tomorrow.
How could she lie to him now simply because she was afraid of rejection?
"I... I’m sorry."
Her voice became quieter this time, softer and more fragile than before.
"I know you’re only being kind to me, Mr. Lackey," she murmured carefully. "And for someone like me... kindness can be easy to misunderstand."
A faint smile appeared on her lips afterwards, but it carried exhaustion rather than joy.
The kind of smile worn by someone already prepared for disappointment long before receiving an answer.
Across from her, Lackey remained silent.
He simply watched her.
Watched the way her fingers trembled slightly near the plate. Watched the way she avoided meeting his eyes despite forcing herself to stay honest. Watched the way her breathing subtly stiffened as she waited for rejection to finally arrive.
This time, however, she wasn’t hiding behind fear alone.
There was courage inside her now.
Quiet, fragile courage.
As if she already knew the outcome waiting ahead... yet still chose to walk toward it without turning away.
Penelope continued in a soft tone that was barely audible,
"Even though I made a mistake and made you wait for hours... instead of getting angry, you gave me hope... ahah..."
A small chuckle escaped her lips as she remembered that particular day. The memory surfaced quietly inside her mind, carrying embarrassment, fear, and warmth all together.
The day she met him.
Honestly, their first meeting could hardly be called pleasant. It was a complete disaster from beginning to end, awkward and humiliating enough to make her wish the ground had swallowed her whole at the time.
Yet strangely...
That same day became the beginning of something blooming silently inside her heart.
"Even though that day made my heart smile because someone like me was still being defended by someone in the world... I never allowed myself to hold deeper feelings," she whispered slowly.
"After all... I know my worth. I definitely know it..."
Her hazy eyes shimmered under the dim light while her fingers tightened against her dress. She bit her lip lightly as though trying to suppress the emotions spilling out of her chest.
"And yet... your kindness kept cracking my heart apart again and again. No matter how much I tried to stop myself... no matter how much I reminded myself who I am..."
Tears slowly rolled down her cheeks.
Still, she smiled.
Not happily.
But gently.
Like someone finally surrendering after resisting for far too long.
"I-I really don’t have anything I can give you in return... for all the kindness, happiness, and the path you gave me."
Her voice weakened near the end, but then she suddenly shook her head as if rejecting her own words.
"No... If not for you standing up for me that day... I would’ve already given up on everything."
As she spoke, memories from Rosavere Company resurfaced inside her mind one after another. Looking back now, she realised the only reason she was still working there was because of him.
Because of that single moment of kindness.
Without it...
She would have quietly disappeared from the world long ago.
"In this life, I truly don’t know how to repay the kindness you gave me," she continued softly. "And I don’t even have anything worth offering back to you. Not even as a servant"
"I-I’m nothing compared to your servants at all. Honestly... I’m not even suitable enough to become one of them."
She lowered her gaze toward her hands.
"My skills are barely enough... my talent... I don’t even have one. My future is as blank as my card and... my body..." a faint bitter laugh escaped her lips, "...isn’t even comparable to your servants... ahah..."
Her lips trembled slightly afterwards.
Then slowly, despite the tears clouding her vision, she raised her head and looked directly into his eyes through the rabbit mask.
Her gaze carried fear.
But also sincerity.
"The kindness you’ve given me until now... I shouldn’t take it for granted and force my f-feelings onto you. I know we’ve only met a few times, and maybe I still don’t fully know who you are..."
She paused briefly,
"But whenever I look at you... It stops mattering who you are or what you are. My heart still beats because of your kindness."
Her fingers curled weakly against her chest.
"E-Even if it was fake."
"You’re someone standing far above me," she continued with a trembling smile.
"Someone valuable enough to have anything in this world. A person like you deserves to stand beside someone truly worthy of you."
Her shoulders shook faintly now, though she still desperately tried to maintain composure.
"But from the bottom of my heart... I still want to say this one last time..."
Her lips quivered.
Tears continued falling quietly from her eyes.
Even then, she forced herself to smile properly.
A beautiful smile filled with pain, acceptance, and affection all at once.
"I love you."
"..."
Lackey stared at her blankly.
Utter silence surrounded him without even the slightest response leaving his lips.
Her words...
The way she understood everything.
The way she accepted reality while still choosing honesty.
Even knowing it would hurt her, she refused to leave behind regrets.
She already knew he didn’t love her the same way she loved him. She understood that his actions likely came from simple kindness rather than romantic feelings.
But for her...
That kindness alone had become enough to shake her entire heart.
And honestly, from Lackey’s perspective, none of this was ever supposed to happen.
Their meetings were meant to remain professional and Secrets of Rosavere Company.
Nothing more than that.
Yet somehow, without him even realising it... this lonely woman had slowly begun building her entire world around the warmth he casually gave her.
He never intended to seduce her or anything.
Well... maybe the last time had been slightly personal.
Even then, it only happened because her name reminded him of someone else.
That was all.
So...
How exactly was he supposed to approach her now?
That question quietly surfaced inside his mind while he stared at the trembling woman sitting before him.
Should he accept her feelings so she could finally find happiness?
Honestly, he probably could give her that much. It wasn’t exactly difficult, right?
A little affection, a little warmth, someone to lean on... for him, those things were easy enough to provide.
And appearance never mattered much to him anyway.
Sure, Penelope didn’t possess the breathtaking figure capable of making every man lose his mind, but he genuinely didn’t care about such things anymore.
Hell...
He almost found himself getting interested in a freaking ghost before.
A FUCKING GHOST, DAMN IT!!
A tall, muscular, arrogant ghostly woman who somehow became strangely adorable whenever she got embarrassed.
The ridiculous memory nearly made him lose focus for a second.
Shaking his head inwardly, he forcefully shoved away the image of that haughty woman pouting with a red face and returned his attention toward Penelope.
Her shoulders were still trembling quietly.
Her fingers looked fragile where they rested near the cold plate.
The dim light above the table only made her look lonelier.
’Well... she’s suffered enough already.’
Lackey exhaled softly inside his mind.
’Let’s at least give her the happiness she deserves.’
Pity rose within him while watching her desperately hold herself together.
After all, wasn’t he someone with a fairly big heart?
He slowly parted his lips.
He was ready to accept her feelings.
Ready to give her the right to be happy.
Because in his story... didn’t everyone deserve happiness?
However...
"F-From now on... p-please stop being kind to me."
Those trembling words instantly shattered his thoughts apart.
Lackey blinked once.
Then blinked again.
His mind suddenly froze.
Did he just... Pity her?
For what exactly?
Because she thought she was worthless?
Because she believed she wasn’t worthy enough to stand beside him?
So what was he about to do just now?
Give her a place beside him out of pity?
’What the fuck...?’
The curse almost slipped through his mind instinctively as his expression stiffened beneath the rabbit mask.
At that moment, Lackey finally noticed something important.
Penelope’s eyes.
Despite the tears swimming within them... There was resolve there.
A painful kind of resolve.
As if his kindness itself had become something sharp enough to wound her.
As if every gentle action from him only deepened the distance she already believed existed between them.
’What in the world am I thinking...?’
Lackey genuinely felt flabbergasted by himself.
Since when did he become someone who believed he had the right to "grant" a woman space inside his heart simply because she looked pitiful?
Wasn’t that disgusting?
Wasn’t that no different from handing expired food to a starving beggar while fully knowing they would still accept it anyway?
The thought made his chest tighten unpleasantly.
Because for the first time in a while...
He realised his kindness might have been far uglier than cruelty.
For a second, Lackey felt genuinely disgusted with himself.
The realisation hit him so suddenly that it almost made his chest tighten painfully.
He had just pitied her.
And worse...
He had been ready to answer her confession with a half-hearted response born entirely from sympathy.
’I... fuck you, Aether.’
Lackey cursed himself inwardly.
Since when had he started thinking like this?
Was it because she carried the same name as his ex?
Was it because some part of him still couldn’t accept being abandoned back then... so without realising it, he began trying to replace that empty space with this new Penelope?
The corner of his heart already knew the answer.
That was exactly the truth.
Every time he looked at her...
He unconsciously saw someone else.
Every time he murmured her name...
His memories drifted toward another woman entirely.
As if the person sitting before him wasn’t truly being seen for who she was... but only for who he secretly wanted her to become.
Lackey’s face gradually paled beneath the rabbit mask.
What the fuck was wrong with him?
The thought slammed into him harder than expected.
Look at her.
She didn’t need some forced answer.
She didn’t need his pity.
She didn’t need him throwing scraps of affection toward her just because he felt sorry for her loneliness.
Hell...
Maybe she didn’t even need his kindness anymore.
At first, Lackey misunderstood her words.
He thought she asked him to stop being kind because she feared falling deeper in love with him.
But now he finally understood.
That wasn’t it at all.
She wanted to know whether her feelings could still survive without his kindness guiding them.
She was questioning her own heart.
Testing it.
Trying to understand whether what she felt was truly love... or merely dependence born from the warmth she had lacked for too long.
Look at those eyes.
Even through the tears, they were painfully clear.
She wasn’t chasing comfort anymore.
She needed truth.
Sure, kindness may have been the thing that allowed those feelings to bloom initially.
But could those feelings still remain once that kindness disappeared?
That was the question terrifying her.
Because what she needed...
Was love.
Real love!
A feeling born from the bottom of someone’s heart.
Not pity.
Not sympathy.
Not a reward handed out to ease guilt.
Love was something shared equally between two people who genuinely chose each other.
That was the difference between kindness and love.
Lackey groaned inwardly as his fist clenched so tightly that pain shot through his fingers.
How the fuck did he think he had any right to pity her feelings?
The thought alone made him feel filthy.
Taking a slow breath, he looked at her again.
And this time...
Something changed.
Now, he no longer saw her as a woman carrying a deeply personal name tied to his past.
He wasn’t looking at some replacement.
Wasn’t looking at a shadow.
Wasn’t looking at someone meant to fill a wound left behind by another person.
No.
He was finally looking at her.
The woman sitting before him.
The receptionist.
The secretary.
The lonely woman who had already lost almost everything in life, yet still gathered enough courage to confess honestly without hiding behind excuses.
For the first time...
He looked at Penelope and saw only Penelope.
Nothing else.
His throat tightened slightly.
Then finally, after a long silence, he spoke.
"I... I’m sorry."
