Chapter 201: Chapter 201: The Secret of being Damn
SONIA’S POV
I returned home in a dazed state, shocked by everything I had heard. The words from the old woman’s daughter kept echoing in my mind, each repetition making the ground beneath my feet feel less steady.
My steps were slow and mechanical as I walked through the familiar paths of the pack, the sun warm on my skin but offering no comfort.
Even when Lydia tried to question me, I pretended not to hear at first, then I really stopped hearing her talk. Her voice faded into the background like distant noise, my thoughts too loud to allow anything else in.
I walked past my brothers gathered at a corner, forgetting I wasn’t supposed to be out and about. Their voices called out, playful and concerned, but I couldn’t bring myself to respond. The world felt muffled, like I was moving through thick fog.
As I entered my room, I shut the door with the key, and walked straight to my bathroom. The click of the lock felt final, a small barrier between me and the questions I wasn’t ready to face.
I shed off my clothes, and stepped into the shower. The cool water hit my skin, sending small shivers down my spine as it cascaded over my shoulders and back.
Closing my eyes, I allowed the water to just fall all over me. It soaked my hair, ran down my face, and mixed with the tears I could no longer hold back.
"A child?" I questioned in my head as I showered, my hand instinctively moving to rest on my stomach.
Not just any child, but a child belonging to both Ramon and me.
It only meant I had a piece of him with me. And no matter what I did, I could never get rid of him. The thought both terrified and warmed me in ways I didn’t want to examine too closely.
A single tear rolled down my eyes, as I grabbed my tummy. The water continued to pour over me, but it couldn’t wash away the ache in my chest.
If only he wasn’t such an atrocious person.
The atrocious alpha I fell in love with like the fool I was.
Who falls in love with their torturer? Was this supposed to be a classical case of Stockholm syndrome? The question haunted me, making my stomach twist with a fresh wave of nausea.
For the past month, I had tried to keep memories of him at bay. The way he had looked at me, the rare softness in his voice, the heat of his touch. I had pushed them all down, burying them under layers of anger and self-preservation.
Now I know why I wasn’t completely successful.
I was carrying part of him in me. How could I forget about him? The realization settled heavy in my chest, making each breath feel labored.
Slipping into the bathtub, I began to really sob. The cool porcelain against my skin offered no comfort as the tears came harder, my body shaking with the force of them.
I wailed my heart out, because I didn’t deserve any of this. The unfairness of it all crashed over me like a wave, leaving me gasping for air.
Ramon loved Lorena who tried to kill me.
Lorena was also with child for him. Nothing else was true, aside from these two facts. The image of him choosing her, defending her, burned in my mind, sharp and painful.
How was this supposed to work? Except I never tell him about this pregnancy.
What kind of person does that make me? A terrible one?
Sure not as terrible as alpha Ramon, and everything he put me through. The memories of his coldness, his anger, his indifference flashed through my mind, each one cutting deeper than the last.
I held on to my tummy, and cried until I could barely feel my heartbeat. The water in the tub had grown cold around me, but I barely noticed, lost in the storm of emotions.
"Go away," I muttered over and over again, but I didn’t know what I wanted to leave. The pain? The memories? The child growing inside me that tied me to him forever?
"Just go away," I begged with all of my heart, my voice breaking as fresh sobs shook my shoulders.
Why was life so unfair? Why did I have to go through so much?
I wanted to accept my fate, because it was the only way I could love this child.
But every time I thought of what the future held, I got scared, and resentful. The thought of raising a child alone, of explaining to them why their father wasn’t there, made my chest tighten with panic.
"Please moon goddess, soothe my aching heart. Please mum, help me," I cried out, curling into a ball on the tiled floor of the bathroom. The cold tiles pressed against my skin, but the warmth of my tears continued to fall, mixing with the water still dripping from the shower.
It was in that position that I slept off, exhausted and emotionally drained.
*********
I was awoken the next morning by a strong knock on my room door, followed by the booming voice of alpha Ferins, my father.
Jolting up, my heart began to pound, as the memories of the previous day trickled into my brain. The old woman’s words, Jed’s confession, the possibility growing inside me—all of it rushed back at once, making my stomach churn.
"Sonia!" I heard him call with a mighty growl that rattled the entire room.
I looked down on my body, and discovered I was naked. The towel I had wrapped around myself had come loose during the night, leaving me exposed and vulnerable.
My eyes then went to my tummy, and a wave of depression hit me. It was still flat, but the knowledge of what was inside made it feel different, heavier.
It was a different day, my father had returned from his month-long trip, yet I was still carrying Alpha Ramon’s child.
"Sonia!" He called again, his voice louder this time, filled with impatience.
Grudging, I pushed myself up, because I knew if he called me again, it would be after breaking down my door. The thought of facing him like this, raw and unprepared, made my hands shake as I reached for a robe.
I turned on the shower, and quickly rinsed off, before I walked into the room with a towel tied around my chest. The water helped wake me up, but it couldn’t wash away the fear twisting in my gut.
"Sonia!"
I heard the sound of a key turn, just as I went from my towel to wearing my bathrobe because I couldn’t grab a dress faster.
Well at least, my door had not been kicked down, I thought, my heart still racing.
My father, with eyes fiercer than a burning furnace, made his way to me. His presence filled the room, commanding and intense as always.
"You have to appear calm. He mustn’t know about your pregnancy. Not until you can’t hide it anymore," I told myself in my mind, forcing my shoulders to relax and my expression to soften.
Taking a deep breath, I smiled to neutralize the intensity that was my father’s gaze as he approached me.
"Father, you’re back!" I called excitedly, my voice higher than usual as I tried to sound normal.
He paused on his motion, giving me a suspicious once-over. His eyes narrowed slightly, scanning me from head to toe as if searching for something out of place.
"Why are you suddenly so chirpy? Your brothers told me you looked depressed last night. Where did you go, and how are you?" He asked, concern marred on the flesh of his forehead.
Alpha Ferins did have a heart. It just was difficult for outsiders to see it. The worry in his voice touched me, even as it made me more nervous about what he might discover.
"Common father. I felt stuffed in this room. Can’t I really walk around for fresh air? Besides, it was nothing last night. I just had an upset stomach, and needed to hurry into the room. Such gossips!" I added under my breath, to sell my lies better.
I felt him start to relax, but he still kept a cautious eye on me. His gaze lingered on my face, searching for any sign of deception.
"Give your father a hug," he commanded, and I hurried into his body. His arms wrapped around me, strong and familiar, but they only made the secret inside me feel heavier.
"Did you just arrive?" I asked as we pulled away from each other, trying to steer the conversation away from myself.
"Yes. The second your brothers told me what happened, I came to find you. But why didn’t you open the door? You must have heard me call you over and over again?" He resumed in a suspicious tone, his eyes narrowing again.
"Father, you can send me putting on a bathrobe. It’s your turn to answer my question. Where did you get that key to my room?" My eyes narrowed suspiciously at him, trying to buy time.
"Don’t question me, Sonia!" He said firmly, but softened right after. "If you must know, I have spare keys to all of your rooms. As the alpha should," he added for emphasis, his voice carrying that natural authority.
It must be great to be an alpha, I thought. You could do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted to do it, and however you wanted it done. The power he wielded so effortlessly made my own situation feel even more precarious.
"I’m glad you’re home safe. I missed you," I said, forcing another smile as I tried to keep my voice light.
"You did? Then dress up and come see everything I got for you. We’ll discuss after that," he said, and my heart began to pound faster again.
I could already tell it was the marriage talk all over again. The weight of his expectations pressed down on me, making it hard to breathe.
"Marriage to a stranger, or a confession about your pregnancy?" I questioned myself in my head, the fear of both options making my hands tremble slightly.
Unfortunately, there wasn’t an answer that didn’t lead to my damnation.
Comments