Chapter 304
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◈ I’m an Infinite Regressor, But I’ve Got Stories to Tell
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The Agitator III
Seo-rin stared at me like I was some crazy lunatic.
I felt quite wronged, honestly. My mind was perfectly sane, as always.
“Seo-rin, I’m serious. You have the potential to shine brighter than any star in the night sky.”
“Sorry, but... am I being flirted with right now? Not that I mind, but could you change up your lines a bit? I’m really flustered right now, Undertaker.”
Well.
If you’ve been keeping up with the tales of my regressions, you’d remember that Seo-rin has had the exclusive title of The First Idol of the Three Han States for a very long time now.
So, let me ask you this: How did Seo-rin become the most popular Awakener in the Korean Peninsula across so many past cycles?
You might guess that it was because she met a talented producer like me. While that’s not entirely wrong, Seo-rin was already successful before she hired me.
No, the answer, of course, is that Seo-rin herself had an innate talent and overflowing enthusiasm for self-promotion.
“You may pull the wool over everyone else’s eyes, but you won’t deceive me. I know that deep down, you want to become a star more than anyone else—I feel it. Seo-rin... You’re a born attention-seeker. Your attention-seeking skills are on par with or even surpass Ah-ryeon’s.”
“Ah. So you’re not flirting, but insulting me? Geez, you could’ve just said it in a way that’s easier to understand.”
Just as Seo-rin was about to start a game of whack-a-mole on my head with a broom, I hurriedly added, “Wait. Hear me out. Seo-rin, you captured monsters and provided citizens with limb-severing shows every month’s end. It shows you have demonstrated talent for event planning.”
“That was just a means to seize power,” she replied shamelessly with a nonchalant expression.
From my perspective, knowing the monster lurking behind that calm face, it was truly terrifying.
“You know as well as I do, Undertaker,” she added. “To become a ruler, you must provide bread and circuses. I provided circuses to claim the throne of Busan.”
“That’s not all. You even created unique uniforms and items that other guilds couldn’t dare to imitate and forced them on your subordinates. Thanks to that, the Samcheon World guild members are recognized wherever they go.”
“Yeah, that’s part of my hobby. Even the leader of a large guild has a private life, you know. Can’t you respect that?”
“Fine. Then take a look at this post.”
I pulled up image files I had previously captured from SG Net on my smartphone and showed them to her one by one.
- [Samcheon] WitchTrial: Sleepless dawn. In the past, I would have visited a night café. Now, only the tunnel of the deep sea remains as a walking path.
- [Samcheon] WitchTrial: The quiet café hideout where everyone is asleep. With every 100 meters walked, every 200 meters crossed, the weight of sorrow adds to the footsteps, echoing.
- [Samcheon] WitchTrial: Before I knew it, I arrived at the 1,200-meter depth. The end of the walking path.
- [Samcheon] WitchTrial: But there’s always someone waiting at the end of the path. Did they hear my footsteps? The barista came out to greet me. Well, even though I said it’s fine, they insisted on making me an affogato.
- [Samcheon] WitchTrial: A bite of sweet vanilla ice cream. Like the morning sorrow melting under the starlight, the sweetness flows down my tongue...
Seo-rin tilted her head.
“What’s wrong with this? It’s a bit of dawn sentimentality, but it’s just a very ordinary diary.”
“No, this isn’t a diary. It’s a demonic grimoire.”
I put on a grave expression and scrolled down the smartphone screen.
“This post contains truly sinister energy. First, you subtly revealed that you’re a powerhouse who can come and go to the café at any time, even at dawn. Moreover, by pointing out that most Awakeners loiter around the 100-meter and 200-meter depths, you implied that you easily surpassed that level.”
No response.
“You tried to disguise it with romanticism, but that’s nonsense. In the end, you just wanted to boast that even at dawn, your exclusive barista can bring out rare ice cream to provide you with a midnight snack.”
“Hmm.”
“Not to mention, you didn’t post this immediately. You uploaded it at 6 AM yesterday, when people were starting to wake up. Why?”
I pointed at Seo-rin.
“If you had posted it at dawn when fewer people were on SG Net, it would have been buried as a pointless post! You posted it at the optimal time to attract attention!”
“Indeed... That’s an interesting interpretation.”
Although her lips remained relaxed, Seo-rin’s eyes revealed the smile she could not hide.
“But in the end, it’s just your subjective interpretation and conjecture, right? There’s no decisive, objective evidence that I’m an attention-seeker.”
Tsk. Even after being so bluntly pointed out, not a single crack in her expression!
She was a formidable opponent. Every time she logged into SG Net, she would get at least 120 comments (60% of which were written by Samcheon World guild members), absorbing all kinds of attention like a black hole. Truly a name worth her reputation.
I changed my approach.
“Seo-rin. Haven’t you felt that Do-hwa, the Management Commander, has been acting too arrogantly lately?” I dropped my volume to a whisper and said, “Whether it’s SG Net or reality, all I hear is Noh Do-hwa this, Noh Do-hwa that—nothing but praise for the Management Commander.”
“Hmm...”
Finally, Seo-rin’s expression changed.
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“I did feel like too much power was concentrated in one person,” she mused. “Absolute power without proper checks absolutely corrupts. I can’t help but worry about the future of the Korean Peninsula.”
“Exactly. Ah-ryeon from the Eastern Divine Nation was supposed to keep her in check, but lately, she hasn’t been able to do that.”
“Well, she was never really capable in the first place, that one.”
“In such a critical situation, the only person who can save the people is none other than the Great Witch of Samcheon World— Or at least, that’s what I’ve heard from the hearts of the people on the lookout.”
“Hmm...”
Seo-rin drew her face a little closer.
Even among attention-seekers, personalities aren’t all the same. If the OldManGoryoe is a reckless soldier who indiscriminately sprays attention-seeking machine gun fire in all directions, then the Witch Trial Judge of Samcheon World is a heavyweight who only moves when there’s a just cause.
That’s right. Seo-rin would never tolerate anyone belittling her. Her actions always had to be “just.”
“This is something that hasn’t been revealed to the public yet, but... The evening broadcasts that have been airing lately are actually not by Noh Do-hwa, the Commander, but the work of an Anomaly.”
“Oh my, really?”
Seo-rin’s eyes sparkled. She seemed almost convinced.
“Of course. Do you take me for a liar? The Korean Peninsula is currently facing an unprecedented crisis. The people are being deceived by an Anomaly impersonating the National Road Commander. I can confidently say that the only person who can break through this crisis is you, Seo-rin.”
Seo-rin sighed. Her gaze drifted out the train window.
“Really... I just want to live quietly, performing the role given to me, but the world won’t leave me alone.”
“It can’t be helped. Great talent comes with great responsibility.”
Swiftly, I pulled out a bundle of papers from my pocket. It was sheet music with lyrics and notes written on it.
Seo-rin blinked as she looked down at the sheets. “What’s this? Undertaker?”
“Ah, it’s nothing. Just some verses of a spell song I composed while staying up all night.”
“Huh?”
“This is a spell song that always perfectly regenerates your skin. And this one is a spell song that always keeps your hair in perfect condition.”
“Oh my? Huh. Hmm.”
“Of course, compared to your composing skills, it’s utterly lacking, but artists naturally consider it the greatest honor to present their work to their muse. Seo-rin, won’t you accept this humble sheet music?”
“Well,” she mused, her expression growing serious. “Such a heartfelt gift. Something that can’t possibly be dismissed as a bribe. Your creation, Undertaker. As a human being, it is simply impossible for me to coldly reject.”
“Then... aren’t we soul mates?”
“Of course.”
Thump.
Seo-rin and I shook hands firmly.
“Although I have no interest in the superficial aspects of being an idol or anything like that, for the sake of the Korean Peninsula, for the people, and most importantly, to respond to your heart, Undertaker, I will do my best—”
“Of course. I will also support you with all my might, my soul mate—”
Thus, the only hope to counter the propaganda of Big Sister.
The debut of the idol was confirmed.
Rejoice, rejoice.
[...Mr. Undertaker.]
On the way back after the meeting, the Saintess sent me a telepathic message.
[Sometimes I think it would have been better if I didn’t have the Clairvoyance ability.]
[If that were the case, I wouldn’t have to constantly witness the depths of human nature right before my eyes.]
[I might have held some expectations I kept to myself, some sweet illusions about the people around me, and wouldn’t have ended up holed up at home like this.]
“Ah. Seo-rin can be a bit of a letdown once you get to know her. But don’t be too disappointed. You always have the steadfast Undertaker by your side, Saintess.”
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For some reason, the Saintess fell silent.
For the life of me, I have no idea why.
There is an epilogue.
- Hello! Another wonderful evening. Nymph Calypse here.
- The first song we’ll play today is by an incredibly talented individual, truly the diva of the peninsula! Seo-rin’s new song, Raise the Flag of Resistance!
- Today is also the day of the Magical☆Ravenclaw’s descent!
- The great sorcerer has a song she wants to introduce to you. Oh my! The acoustic guitar version of the Great Witch’s new song, never before released anywhere!
- Last time, she overwhelmingly took first place in SG Net’s official popularity poll, right? Let’s listen together, even you kids who eat dirt!
Seo-rin’s debut made headway as a barrage of attacks through various media outlets. All of the radio channels people enjoyed were already operating under my sponsorship. Manipulating public opinion was easier than doing push-ups for me.
And that’s not all.
- Won’t you come see the sea with me?
- The scenery at 1,200 meters depth. The majestic secrets of humanity await you.
- “Like the aroma of coffee” by Seo-rin.
An advertisement appeared at the top of SG Net. Now, every time Awakeners logged on, they were exposed to a café advertisement featuring Seo-rin’s photo.
But it didn’t stop there.
“Heh heh, Comrade Secretary! I’ve completed the task you demanded of me!”
I mobilized hundreds of Tutorial Fairies to pilgrimage throughout the northern part of the Korean Peninsula.
The mission was simple: sneak into people’s dreams and plant a positive image of Seo-rin! For example, if someone was having a nightmare of being chased by a grotesque, Seo-rin would appear and save the dreamer.
Truly, we infiltrated both consciousness and subconsciousness to instill the image of “Seo-rin☆The Best” into people.
The result?
“We received a regular report from the National Road Management caravans. All the albums of the Samcheon World guild leader we sent as the first batch are sold out...” Do-hwa said with a gleam in her cold eyes. “Not just the albums, but T-shirts with magic school designs, utterly useless magic brooms, pointed hats, and witch robes, all sorts of goods are selling like hotcakes...”
Indeed. The Korean Peninsula was experiencing an unprecedented Seo-rin boom.
“It’s a natural outcome,” I said nonchalantly. “Those goods have been proven popular across numerous cycles. Once you see them, you can’t help but buy them.”
“Don’t waste cycles figuring out things like that, you lunatic...”
Especially popular were Seo-rin’s ASMR mini-albums, such as Lullabies that Make You Sleep Soundly or Awakening Songs that Make You Alert in Just Three Minutes in the Morning. Even though they didn’t actually have any magical effects, given that Seo-rin’s specialty was spell songs, a strong placebo effect occurred among buyers.
Even now, rave reviews were pouring in on SG Net.
Well, negative reviews were secretly handled as private posts, so they didn’t get any attention. That’s just how it is.
This is the greatness of knowledge is power. If you’re jealous, be born as a regressor, human.
“Anyway, thanks to that, the Big Sister’s evening broadcasts have been completely buried. All the Seo-rin related radio channels are broadcasting at the same time.”
“Well, they are buried, but... is this really the right way to exterminate Anomalies...?”
“There are surprisingly few methods to completely eradicate the existence of Anomalies. It’s more standard to dilute their significance.”
In the end, trends come and go.
At first, Do-hwa’s faith swept through like a storm, but as people’s attention shifted elsewhere, it rapidly lost momentum. People from the North began to forget the memories of enshrining her portrait, as if it never happened.
The owner of the grilled eel shop at Jagalchi Market was surprised, saying, “Huh? Why is this picture in my stall?”
“With this, the case is resolved. I apologize for the inconvenience, Commander Noh.”
“Hmm... Well. It seems like people won’t remember it anyway, so it doesn’t matter to me...”
“But?”
Instead of answering, Do-hwa turned the radio dial with a click. There came the noise of the frequency tuning, and soon, advertisements started playing one after another.
- Freshly, lightly! This summer’s fashion item is the sailor uniform! The student council president of Baekhwa Girls’ High School guarantees the quality.
- Is life tough? Are you lonely? Is the world frustrating? For those of you feeling this way, Pyongyang is always open. Let’s praise Mokwangseo Christ. Our Saintess, Sim Ah-ryeon.
- In Daejeon, we always provide free meals for the hungry. Come on over. Alle Alle, Daejeon. The city united by hope, Daejeon.
Do-hwa sent me a sidelong glance.
“Because of the fireworks you set off, it’s become a trend for all sorts of neighborhoods to advertise on the radio, and there’s a good chance these guys might develop into Anomalies. What do you, the self-proclaimed grotesque expert, think about this phenomenon...?”
“Hmm.”
I quietly sipped my mug while listening to the radio.
The coffee was delicious as always.