“What... What do you mean?”
The Duke of White’s voice trembled.
He had been overjoyed when his daughter finally left her room to take a walk in the garden after such a long time... But by evening, she returned in the arms of a knight, her body limp and lifeless.
And now, suicide? She had tried to take her own life?
“Ugh...”
“Your Grace.”
“Father...!”
The duke clutched the back of his neck as if he were in pain, letting out a strained groan.
“I’m fine... It’s nothing...”
His gaze rested on his daughter, lying on the bed as if lifeless.
His one and only beloved daughter.
Selina, born to his second wife after the death of his first, had been strong-willed since childhood.
She had never accepted her half-brother, treated the servants poorly, and even lashed out at other noble ladies—sometimes even the imperial princess.
But... no matter how difficult her temperament was, she was still his daughter.
The duke couldn’t bring himself to resent her or abandon her.
When she fell down the stairs and remained unconscious for four days, he had endured unimaginable distress.
And when she finally awoke, her throat was too hoarse to speak for a while. She was quiet—unnervingly so.
‘Who are you?’
Hearing those words had shattered him.
She hadn’t become calm; she had simply forgotten everything. And yet, not knowing that, he had secretly hoped that perhaps his daughter’s personality had changed for the better.
His poor daughter.
Ever since losing her memory, she had spent most of her time sleeping alone in bed.
Whenever she was awake, he had people engage her in conversation, but she always responded in the same indifferent, detached manner.
And now, today—an attempted suicide.
“What was the reason... Selina?”
His voice escaped him in a sigh, weak and hollow.
“Are you feeling any pain anywhere?”
“My ass.”
The elderly physician of House White had asked me the same question several times already, and I had given the same answer each time.
“Anywhere else?”
“Apart from my ass...”
At this point, they probably thought I had some weird obsession with my own backside.
The doctor frowned at my response but finally stopped asking.
Judging by his grim expression, I started to wonder if there really was something seriously wrong with it.
“Then... why did you try to jump?”
If my memory wasn’t failing me, I had been asked this exact question yesterday.
Of course, yesterday, the one asking had been a man with long hair. Today, it was a man with no hair at all... So, even doctors couldn’t cure baldness, huh?
Closing my eyes, I silently offered my condolences to his fallen hair.
I wanted to ask him, ‘Then why did your hair jump to its death?’
But I knew there were some questions better left unasked.
So instead, I answered his.
“Because everything’s a pain in the ass.”
As soon as the doctor stepped out of Selina’s room, the people waiting anxiously in the hallway swarmed him.
The Duke of White, the Duchess, the young lord... and even the knight who had saved Selina yesterday—Lukas Bar.
Faced with this overwhelming assembly, the doctor cleared his throat a few times to ensure he wouldn’t make any mistakes while speaking.
“There doesn’t seem to be any serious physical injuries. However...”
“However, what?”
The Duchess took a step closer, her ruby-red eyes already brimming with tears.
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“It appears she is suffering from a severe illness of the mind.”
The doctor glanced back at the door, then suggested they move elsewhere to talk.
They were reluctant to leave Selina alone, but her room wasn’t particularly high, and they had already removed any sharp objects or ropes the night before, so they hesitantly followed his suggestion.
“What do you mean, an illness of the mind?”
“When I asked her why she attempted to take her own life... she simply said that everything was a bother.
It seems that after losing her memory, she has been experiencing severe stress, fatigue, and emotional emptiness.
To put it plainly—she’s completely hollow inside.”
“Oh, dear...”
The duchess let out a brief sob before tears streamed down her face.
Beside her, her son gently comforted her while turning his gaze to the doctor.
“Then... how do we treat her?”
The doctor shut his eyes and shook his head.
An affliction of the mind was not something that could be cured with medicine.
And judging by her dull, expressionless face, she truly seemed to have lost all emotion.
“There is no immediate solution. All you can do is watch over her.
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If you try to force her to regain her memory, it will only make things worse.
For now, do not leave her alone for too long.
We never know when she might attempt something drastic again.”
“...This can’t be happening...”
The duke slumped back into his chair.
Just once had been enough to nearly give him a heart attack—now he was being told it could happen again at any time?
No. He couldn’t lose his daughter like that.
The duke turned to the man who had been listening silently beside them.
Lukas Bar.
A knight of extraordinary talent whom the duke himself had recognized and nurtured since childhood.
If it weren’t for him, his daughter would have been found beneath the bell tower, her body broken beyond recognition.
“Sir Lukas.”
“Yes, Your Grace.”
“Please... watch over my daughter.
Watch over Selina.”
Lukas nodded at the sight of the duke, his voice trembling as if consumed by fear.
Once the duke helped the duchess back to their chambers and the physician had also departed, only Lukas and Aaron remained in the office.
Aaron ran a hand down his face in silence, exhaling sharply as his sister’s face flickered in his mind. He lowered his head with a strained sound.
“Lukas... Please take care of my sister.”
He let out a deep sigh before continuing.
“I want to stay by her side too, but... I’m afraid that I might only make things worse for her.”
Lukas looked at Aaron, his expression filled with regret.
Thanks to the duke’s patronage, he, a poor baron’s son, had been able to attend the academy.
More than that, the duke had given him a room in the manor, and both the duke and duchess had treated him as an equal to their son, Aaron, who was the same age as him.
Aaron was his brother in all but blood. His dearest friend.
And that was why he knew just how much Aaron cherished his sister.
And how much that sister utterly despised him.
“Of course. Don’t worry.”
Lukas had often scolded Aaron for being foolish—how could he dote on a sibling who despised him so much?
Perhaps that was why, when she had made her request yesterday, he had rejected it so coldly.
Because he had thought of her as someone who tormented his friend and benefactors.
Even though he knew she was a patient who had lost all her memories.
“...Hah.”
A wave of guilt surged within Lukas.
She had told him not to feel guilty, but no matter what, he couldn’t simply ignore it.
I blinked.
I wasn’t sure what was happening, but something—ugh, whatever it was—had entered my room and refused to leave.
“Just go.”
“I can’t leave, my lady.”
The ugh, whatever it was looked at me with pleading eyes, his expression genuinely troubled.
“Why?”
At my question, ugh, whatever rolled his eyes before sighing. Judging by his exhausted demeanor, it seemed like yesterday’s failure had resulted in some unwanted consequences for him.
They must have sent him here because, before losing my memories, Selina had kept him the closest.
But... wasn’t this guy full of resentment toward Selina?
What if he decided to bash my head in while I was napping?
Dying at someone else’s hands felt like such a pathetic way to go. No, thanks.
“...Fine. I get it now.”
Only then did ugh, whatever relax, his expression easing as he moved to stand by the door.
He had already been standing there for over an hour, from what I had seen.
Just watching him made my legs ache.
“You should sit.”
“...What?”
“Sit. Anywhere. Just sit down already. My legs hurt just looking at you.”
Ugh, whatever stared at me, puzzled, before stiffening his posture again.
“No, I’m fine. It doesn’t hurt.”
...Did this guy think I was testing him?
That must have been it. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have given such a blatantly wrong answer and then smiled proudly about it.
But I had lost my memories. I couldn’t be expected to give the same answers as before. Tests always changed depending on the examiner, after all.
If he didn’t like it, he should’ve become the examiner himself.
“I wasn’t talking about you. I’m the one who’s hurting. It pains me just watching you stand like that, so sit down already.”
Ever heard of visualized touch? No? Then how about visualized pain?
That’s today’s correct answer.
Satisfied, I watched as ugh, whatever obediently grabbed a chair and sat down before I lay back down on the bed.
Time dragged on once again.
This world had nothing.
There weren’t any particularly exciting books, no internet, and if I wanted to listen to music, I had to summon a whole group of musicians into my room.
I shouldn’t have failed.
Lukas, you bastard.
But it was fine. Another opportunity would come eventually.
It wasn’t as if I had some grand plan where I thought, I must die no matter what!
No, it wasn’t like that.
Planning out my own death... It wasn’t miserable, per se, but it did feel a little melancholic.
Right, Selina?
It’s not because I can’t be bothered.
I’m doing this for you.
And so, I decided to simply wait for an opportunity to present itself and closed my eyes.
For now, I would just sleep.
As the days passed, I came to realize something.
Reality was far more relentless than I had imagined.
How, you ask?
Well, there wasn’t even a chance for an opportunity to arise in the first place.
Ugh, whatever had practically moved into my room, and the original male lead had been making daily appearances as if he were checking attendance.
I started wondering if there was some kind of reward system written outside my door. Maybe something like, Check-in daily for points!
I even told ugh, whatever to go outside and check for me.
He gave me a look like I had lost my mind, but he still put on that fake loyal servant smile and went to inspect the door before coming back and reporting on its cleanliness.
And so, after five days of ugh, whatever living in my room and five days of Lukas showing up like clockwork—
I finally snapped.
“I’m leaving this room.”
As I stepped out for the first time in days, both ugh, whatever and Lukas followed closely behind.
What were they, some kind of party members in a game?
I had thought that if I played nice and reassured them, things would settle down. But even after five days, nothing had changed.
Or was five days not enough for them to let their guard down?
There were even days when Selina’s parents would creep into my room with teary eyes.
On those days, I wanted nothing more than to open the window and scream, Come back, Selina!
Honestly, Selina, why couldn’t you have just lived a little better?
Why did you have to make things so exhausting for me?
“...Oh.”
At my indifferent muttering, the two men trailing behind me stopped in their tracks.
“Selina.”
The one who called my name in that stiff, formal tone was none other than Aaron White—Selina White’s older brother.
A man who, even in the end, had wanted to believe in her.
A man who had ultimately been betrayed.
The pitiful sub male lead of this tragic novel.