“He might have a bit of a fever.”
“Really?”
“Can he travel? We have to leave today.”
“What about after breakfast?”
“No. We’re already late, as you know. And if we’re taking him along, it’ll probably take even longer. So we need to leave a day earlier if we can. Otherwise it’ll throw off my schedule too.”
Luman gave a wink. The way he acted all generous about it was unbelievably irritating. He had that whole I understand look on his face. No, seriously, what the hell were those two saying to each other with just their eyes?
“I can go. Go! I need to pack too.”
Hold it in. I can handle it. I’ve had days way worse than this. And today my brother’s here with me—there’s no way I can’t handle it. Gritting my teeth, I swung my legs over the side of the bed. They trembled under me. Watching me with a dubious look, Luman clicked his tongue.
“No. We leave at dawn.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I said I can go!!”
“Ren. Stop being stubborn.”
“......”
Did you really have to get that serious?
Luman glared at me like he was laying down a threat, and Brother Temar nodded.
Whose side are you even on?
I hate being a burden on the very first day.
Even so, the words I don’t want to come with you didn’t come out anymore.
Because I wanted to be with my brother. That had been my wish ever since I was little.
No matter how annoyed I was, I was the desperate one here. I know that!!
I yanked the blanket over my head and flopped backward onto the bed.
After Brother Temar patted me down soothingly, the sound of the two of them walking away grew faint.
Is it really okay for me to follow him? I still want to go. But I’ve never even been outside the village before...
My chest was pounding with fear and excitement, and I couldn’t fall asleep easily.
I only drifted off lightly, but I thought I heard singing somewhere. When I followed the sound, bright light wrapped around me, and when I opened my eyes, dawn light was coming in through the window.
A pale blue light that looked like it carried Brother Temar’s presence.
***
“Haa.”
My breath came out white.
It was dawn.
For some reason, tears welled up. Now I could go with my brother. I wasn’t being left behind alone. The days of waiting for him by myself in that lonely shack were over now.
If I was with my brother, then it didn’t have to be here.
I blinked blankly for a moment, then bolted upright.
“This is no time to just sit here!”
I scrubbed my tears away with my sleeve. My body ached and stung, but this was fine! I could move!
I pulled on extra clothes and started creeping around, watching my step.
There was still time before we left, right?
I should get ready too. They’re going to the trouble of taking me—if I end up being baggage... they might send me back. I can’t be a burden on my brother! And that Luman guy clearly doesn’t want me around, so if I start wheezing and collapse...
The image of myself coming back alone to that shack made my whole body shudder.
That thought was colder than the winter wind, and to keep myself from trembling, I ran straight to the old man’s house.
“Old man! Old man!!”
Bang bang bang! Bang bang bang!
I pounded mercilessly on the rusty iron door.
“You little brat! I’m not deaf.”
Clank. The iron door opened, and the old man stuck his head out, leaning on his cane.
I grabbed his wrinkled hand with both of mine. His eyes went round.
“Boy, what is it? Why’d you come running here at dawn? Hm? Are you hurting somewhere?!”
His wrinkled eyes carefully checked all over my face. I shook my head wildly.
“Good grief. You’re making me dizzy!”
“It’s not that... I’m leaving the village today.”
“Leaving? Going where? Never mind that, come inside. Come in.”
With the hand not holding his cane, the old man gripped mine and led me inside.
His hand was huge, and strong too. Even grabbing it for a moment left a faint ache.
From the outside, the old man’s house looked old and shabby as hell, but inside it was actually pretty nice. The room was dark like a cave, but the orange light was bright, so it felt cozy instead. Fitting for an old man who ran an apothecary, the whole place smelled of fragrant, bitter herbs, and the shelves were packed with bottles of medicine I couldn’t identify.
And there were quite a lot of things that quietly looked expensive too.
“Woooow....”
And there was one glittering thing I’d never seen before.
It was a necklace, set with a very small yellow gem. But when I looked closer, the gem wasn’t exactly yellow—it was giving off all kinds of light. Sometimes it looked white, like it had a star hidden inside it, and sometimes it looked like a blue meteor had been trapped in it. I stared at it with wide, shining eyes, and the old man turned back with a “Hm?” Then he let go of my hand and picked up the necklace.
“You like it, Ren?”
“Oh, n-no! I was just... it was pretty, so I looked!”
Oh no!!
I came into someone else’s house and stared at something expensive for way too long!! It definitely looked like I was begging for it! I shook my head so hard my skull felt like it rattled. Startled, the old man dropped both his cane and the necklace to the floor and grabbed my head.
“Hah... hah....”
“Ren! Calm down, hm?”
“I-I... staring at something expensive like th-that...”
I was so dizzy I couldn’t even talk right.
My head spun and spun. Clicking his tongue, the old man took my hand and helped me sit back against a soft sofa. His hand was way bigger than I expected, and long, and also... lukewarm. If you held it, it felt quietly warm, but when you first touched it, there was a coolness to it, like it carried a slight chill.
“Ren.”
The old man called my name and stroked my hair.
Ugh. I feel sick. When I cracked one eye open, he clicked his tongue and dug around in his pocket, then popped a piece of candy into my mouth.
“It’s good!”
“Tsk, tsk. Didn’t I tell you it was fine to look around comfortably, hm?”
“But... if I looked rude, I’m sorry. I was wrong.”
“Oh, you little thing! It’s nothing. I’ll give it to you.”
“No!! You can’t! I wasn’t looking because I wanted it! I’m sorry!!”
“Calm down! Calm down, Ren.”
Flash.
Huh... what was that just now?
It felt like something had come out of the old man’s hand, but I couldn’t tell. Was I imagining it? When I blinked, the afterimage I thought I’d seen vanished.
When the old man took his hand off my forehead, my head suddenly felt clear! The headache that had been stabbing through it in tiny sharp needles was completely gone too! When my eyes went round, the old man smiled.
“This old man too, you know. I saw that necklace and thought it would suit our Ren perfectly!”
“But... if I got something like that, my brother would scold me....”
“You little rascal! Then keep it a secret!”
The old man laughed loudly as he stooped to pick up the necklace and cane he had thrown down earlier.
“Here. Want me to put it on you?”
He only pretended to hold it out before reaching behind my neck and fastening the necklace there himself.
Maybe it was just my imagination, or maybe it was because it was the old man’s necklace and he’d always taken care of me, but it felt like breathing got easier. I fidgeted with the little gem hanging from it and glanced at him, unable to find the right thing to say.
The old man’s face was deeply lined ◆ Nоvеlіgһt ◆ (Only on Nоvеlіgһt) with wrinkles, but his eyes alone were bright and sharp, like a healthy grown man’s. The old people in our village all had yellowed eyes and burst capillaries that showed their age plainly, but if you only looked at the old man’s eyes, he almost seemed like a young man—or some kind of sage.
When I stared at him, he smiled. To be fair, even when he wasn’t smiling, the deep lines around his mouth made him look like he was. But I was the only one he smiled at with his eyes too! Maybe nobody else knew that, but I did!
“Something this expensive...”
“Tsk, tsk! Ren. Baby. What did I tell you, hm? Didn’t I tell you that when an adult gives you a gift, you just say thank you and bow your head politely?”
“...Thank you.”
“That’s right!”
The old man nodded to himself.
“More importantly, what do you mean you’re leaving the village?”
“I’m going with my brother.”
I said it awkwardly. I was happy, but I felt like I shouldn’t show it exactly as it was. Like someone would steal my happiness if I did. It was always like that. The days I was happy because my brother came back, the days I felt like I could fly, the days I ran in circles outside the house because I couldn’t contain how happy I was.
Something always happened on those days.
The old man made a pained face and touched my cheek. Thick, rough hands. The hard calluses on his fingers cupped my face.
“Baby. Ren. It’s okay to be happy. Hm? You’re happy because you get to go with your brother, aren’t you?”
“I am happy...”
“Then smile!”
The old man flicked my forehead, not hard enough to hurt.
“Ow! Why are you hitting me, old man!”
I rubbed at my forehead furiously, and he laughed, snickering like a boy. His face was full of wrinkles! But when he did this, he really looked like a boy! When I stared at him in fascination, he messed up my hair carelessly.
“Hey!”
“So you came to say goodbye?”
“!”
“Oh dear. Didn’t even think of that, did you? Don’t cry, you little thing.”
“O-old man... waaah...”
Idiot Ren.
If I was leaving the village, then obviously that meant I was saying goodbye to the old man too.
And I hadn’t thought of that even once. I had only come to get the medicine I needed. How could I be this pathetic?
When I burst into tears, snot and all, the old man patted my back over and over to calm me down. Then he pressed a mug of warm hot chocolate into my hands, pulled out a bag about the size of two palms, and started walking around his house putting things into it.
Then he lined them up across the wooden desk.
He looked like he was about to explain them one by one, but instead he looked at me deeply.
“Ren.”
“Yes. Snff. Hngh.”
“Shouldn’t you tell your brother now too? The road to the capital is going to be long. It’ll be hard, and you may collapse. How do you think you can keep all of that hidden from him, hm?”
“......”
I thought so too.
But...
I gripped my cup hard.
There was no way I could tell him. Brother, on the day you left for the farthest mission of all, to complete your duty, that was when I got an incurable disease. On the day you came back from the seven-year war with that long slash across your back—after winning in the end—that was when I was already long sick. That it’s a disease where I might die at any time, where I might have an attack at any time. That I’ll probably die before you do.
There was no way I could say that.
When that time comes, I’ll leave without saying anything.
After leaving behind an absurdly, ridiculously huge pile of letters for my brother to read. Enough letters to keep him reading for years.
“Old man.”
I steeled myself and opened my mouth.
