Kenta pounded hard against Ren’s back.
In the end, Ren threw up every bit of the medicine he had just swallowed. Since there was nothing in his stomach, all that came out was yellow bile mixed with the medicine.
Ren gasped for breath. Bile dripped from his mouth, down his chin, and onto his clothes.
Kenta grimaced at the rancid smell.
“K-Kenta... what if they get mad because we didn’t take care of him properly? What do we do? What do we do...?”
Beta looked terrified.
“I said I’ll handle it, so shut up already!”
“Why are you yelling at me?!”
Like she had been driven into a corner, Beta started screaming. The other boys and girls their age, who had been muttering for everyone to please stay quiet, started crying too.
This was all because of this bastard.
Everything had gotten ruined the moment he showed up. Even Beta, who had endured the brutal march without complaint, had suddenly started blaming him. If this kid hadn’t been here—
That thought vanished when Kenta froze in shock.
Ren, who he thought was barely conscious, was staring straight at him.
Kenta tensed instantly.
He was terrified of what Ren might say.
Had he realized Kenta wanted to hurt him?
Ren’s lips slowly parted.
“I’m sorry... but can you help me wash up...?”
His voice was faint and tiny. He sounded like he might stop breathing at any second as he forced out the request.
For a moment, Kenta could not speak.
Did he just apologize to me? Why?
Because he threw up?
None of it even got on my clothes.
Then why apologize?
The word why kept circling in his head.
Beta jabbed hard at his side.
“Hurry up and help him! Before that man notices! If they think we took bad care of him, then I—I definitely won’t get sold to a good owner....”
Beta muttered fearfully. They would stop giving her bread. They would tie her wrists tighter again. Maybe they would even beat them.
One of the men, who had clearly been waiting for an excuse to start throwing punches, clicked his tongue in disappointment when the commotion suddenly died down. If not for those red handkerchiefs around their necks, he would have already smashed one of their faces in. Smoking a roll of cheap tobacco, he lazily continued keeping watch. Where were a bunch of tied-up kids supposed to run anyway?
Kenta hoisted Ren onto his back and headed off somewhere. Beta anxiously looked around.
“What’s that about? Where’s he going?”
“Leave it. Look at the handkerchief. Must be something Mine ordered.”
“That bastard doesn’t even work the front lines, so why does he keep sticking his nose in everything? Fucking annoying.”
The guards watching over the cargo wagons all turned their eyes toward Kenta and the red handkerchief around his neck. They paused what they were doing and watched him and Ren carefully.
After wandering around for a while, Kenta found a narrow stream. He carefully lowered Ren to the ground beside it.
“Th...ank you....”
His voice was cracked raw.
Kenta said nothing.
Ren tried to rinse his mouth with his bound hands. But he was too weak to do it properly. His hands kept slipping, soaking only his shirt instead.
Watching him sit there drenched and reeking of bile, Kenta suddenly exploded.
“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”
What the hell was with the sudden screaming?
Ren glanced at Kenta, then went back to trying to clean himself.
He’d asked for help washing up, and now he was acting like this? Kenta felt like he was going insane.
He yanked Ren’s clothes off roughly.
“Wh... what are you...! Let go...!”
“You’re the one who asked me to help you wash up.”
Kenta practically growled the words.
Still furious, he stripped off the rest of Ren’s clothes while Ren struggled weakly against him, then finally lost his temper and threw him straight into the stream.
“Ah—!”
Splash!
The stream was shallow enough that there was no way not to hit the bottom.
Ren slammed hard against the rocky creek bed and twisted his face in pain. His lips turned blue almost immediately. It was the tail end of winter, the snow not even fully melted yet, and the stream water was freezing cold.
Ren trembled violently, his teeth chattering uncontrollably.
Watching him sit there frozen stiff only made Kenta angrier.
Why? I should feel good seeing this pathetic idiot suffer! Then why do I feel even worse?!
He stripped off the rest of Ren’s clothes until only his underwear remained. After roughly rinsing out the vomit-stained shirt, he scrubbed Ren’s face with rough hands and made him rinse his mouth.
It was freezing. So cold it felt like even his thoughts were icing over.
But once Ren realized Kenta was actually washing him without any other intention, the tension drained from his struggling body.
“Big brother....”
And then, like he had finally relaxed, he said the absolute worst thing possible.
“What?! You... you little—!”
Kenta thought he was going to lose his mind.
He’d been mumbling something with those dazed eyes, and of course it was that stupid “big brother.”
Once the clothes came off, Kenta saw the pale skin underneath—bandages wrapped tightly around his shoulder and chest, bruises on the backs of his hands, faint marks still lingering on his face, broken nails.
Kenta went still.
“...Fuck. What the hell happened to you?”
He suddenly felt like human trash.
Why the hell had he been taking his anger out on this kid?
At someone who looked this stupidly defenseless even while being screamed at...
Kenta hurriedly stripped off his own clothes and pulled Ren back to his feet.
He wiped the water off Ren as best he could with his hands, dressed him in his own clothes, wrung the icy water from Ren’s clothes, then put them on himself.
After that, he picked Ren up again.
Ice-cold water dripped steadily from Kenta as he walked in silence.
Step by step, he headed back toward the place they had come from.
Then suddenly, Kenta looked down at Ren.
At some point, Ren had passed out again.
Sunlight pierced through the dark trees.
By sheer coincidence, a beam of light slipped through the clouds and branches and fell directly across Ren’s face.
Kenta had not even really looked at him before.
When he washed him in the freezing water, all he had thought was that he looked pale.
He had been too consumed by self-loathing, rage, bitterness, and resentment to think about anything else.
Only now did he realize Ren’s hair was almost as light as his skin.
At first it had been nothing more than a passing thought.
But after the soot had been washed clean from Ren’s face, Kenta saw him clearly.
And forgot how to breathe.
A pale, rounded forehead. Soft lines flowing into a delicate nose and small lips. Fair skin flushed red and cracked from the cold. Disheveled blond hair scattered across his frozen-white face.
The sunlight made him look even more beautiful.
That long white neck. That fragile, ghost-pale skin... like he might disappear if someone grabbed him too hard.
What color were this kid’s eyes again?
Kenta suddenly wanted to see those vivid teal eyes again—the eyes that had still shone brightly even beneath the soot.
How could he wake him up?
Should he throw him back into the stream?
It felt like reason had vanished, leaving only instinct behind. Kenta could not think about anything except wanting to see Ren’s eyes again.
Without realizing it, he changed direction.
Step.
Step.
Step step step. Step step step.
His pace quickened.
Curiosity, impulse, excitement—they drove his legs forward.
I want to see his eyes again.
What did his voice sound like?
Something that felt like desire—something a boy his age had never experienced before—began stirring violently inside him.
And once again, Kenta started justifying [N O V E L I G H T] himself.
This was Ren’s fault.
Why? Because he was provoking him.
Kenta had only done something nice for him, and this kid was the one tempting him with that face.
If he had just stayed still, if he had swallowed the medicine quietly, none of this would have happened! Kenta didn’t want this either! He had only wanted to keep his younger siblings from starving! He had always suppressed his own feelings, always sacrificed for them, always given everything up for them!
Even after getting dragged here, it had been the same. He had always looked after Beta. Always yielded to her.
And what had he gotten in return? Nothing but cold resentment.
Maybe Beta would hate him if she stopped getting bread now, but he did not care anymore.
For once, Kenta decided he would put his own desires first.
Who cared about bread anymore?
Just as Kenta was about to throw Ren back into the stream—
Ren’s eyes snapped open.
They looked hazy, still heavy with sleep.
The moment Kenta met those eyes head-on, every thought in his head vanished again.
Teal.
Mysterious. Jewel-like.
Like the clearest water from the farthest sea gathered into human eyes.
Like gemstones painted by the hand of some famous artist.
Beautiful. Pure. Clear.
More beautiful than any jewel.
Like they could heal even a corrupted soul.
Kenta stared with unfocused eyes, his thoughts unraveling into nonsense.
Ren’s lips twitched. They looked soft despite being split open and bleeding.
Without realizing it, Kenta lowered his head closer to them.
Ren whispered something in a tiny voice.
The sound tickled against him so strangely that Kenta curled his toes.
“Wh-what? Say it.”
Stammering now, Kenta held his breath and focused entirely on that voice.
