Chapter 95: Chapter 95: Not For Me
Chapter 95: Not For Me
—CELIA—
I forced myself to smile just enough to keep Aria from worrying about me.
"I hope you’re right," I murmured quietly.
And I truly meant it.
More than anything, I wanted her words to be true. I wanted to believe that everything she had just told me wasn’t simply an attempt to comfort me. I wanted to believe that the confessions, the lingering glances, the desperate promises, the countless moments I had shared with them... had all been directed toward me.
Toward me...as Celia.
Not because I happened to be living inside another woman’s body.
Not because I borrowed someone else’s name.
Not because I wore someone else’s face.
But because somewhere beneath all of that...
...they had somehow found me.
Unfortunately, hope had always been a dangerous thing.
Hope gave people courage and also gave people reasons to break.
And lately...
I had been doing far too much of the latter.
Ever since Aelith revealed the truth about my existence, every certainty I had painstakingly built over the past weeks had begun crumbling apart one by one. The confidence I once had whenever I looked at Ren, whenever I laughed with Sebastian, argued with Ezekiel, or watched Matthias quietly stand beside me... all of it suddenly felt borrowed.
Borrowed.
The word itself hurt.
Because wasn’t that exactly what I had been doing all along?
Borrowing Aria’s life.
Borrowing her body.
Borrowing her family.
Borrowing her future.
Borrowing the love that was never supposed to belong to me.
My fingers unconsciously tightened around the fabric of my skirt as those thoughts circled relentlessly inside my head.
Aelith’s voice echoed once more, refusing to leave me in peace.
’They came to love Aria’s face. I came to love your soul.’
When he first said those words just last night, I dismissed them as the obsessive ramblings of a man who had already gone far beyond reason.
Now...
I wasn’t so certain anymore.
Because the more I thought about it, the less confident I became.
After all...
When Ren looked at me...
He saw Aria.
When Sebastian smiled...
He smiled at Aria.
When Ezekiel blushed after accidentally revealing too much...
He was looking at Aria.
When Matthias silently protected me without asking for anything in return...
He was protecting Aria.
Even every memory we created together...
Every laugh.
Every argument.
Every ridiculous misunderstanding.
Every single one of them...
Had happened while I wore someone else’s face, someone else’s voice, and someone else’s existence.
I lowered my head, unable to stop the dull ache building inside my chest.
"...Maybe..."
The words slipped out before I even realized I had spoken them.
"...maybe they’re really coming for you."
For a brief moment, neither of us moved.
Aria simply blinked at me, her brows knitting together ever so slightly as though she hadn’t expected those words to come out of my mouth.
"...What?"
A small laugh escaped me.
It wasn’t cheerful.
It wasn’t even amused.
It sounded exhausted, loke someone who had finally run out of excuses to keep pretending everything would somehow work itself out.
I slowly lifted my eyes to meet hers and offered the gentlest smile I could manage.
"May I ask one last favor from you, Aria?"
The moment those words left my lips, something changed in her expression.
It was subtle.
But I caught it.
The hesitation.
The worry.
It was as though she had already sensed where this conversation was headed, and whatever answer she expected... she didn’t want to hear it.
Still, after a long pause, she gave a small nod.
"...Yes."
I inhaled deeply.
The breath caught halfway through my lungs before I slowly released it, blinking rapidly to keep the tears threatening at the corners of my eyes from falling.
I had promised myself I wouldn’t cry while making this decision.
"Please..."
My fingers intertwined tightly on my lap.
"...take my memories with you."
Aria stared at me silently.
"I don’t want you to inherit only the painful ones."
A bittersweet smile tugged at my lips.
"Keep everything. The embarrassing moments. The happy ones. The silly arguments. The people we met. The dreams we shared."
"...and even the memories with them."
My voice trembled despite my efforts to keep it steady.
"From now on..." I swallowed. "...live however you want. You don’t have to become the villain everyone expected anymore."
A tear finally escaped before I hurriedly wiped it away with the back of my hand.
"Fight for yourself. Smile because you want to. Cry because you need to. Love yourself more than anyone else ever did. And..." I paused.
The next words hurt far more than I imagined they would.
"...love whoever your heart chooses."
A long silence followed.
The room felt impossibly quiet while the birds continued singing, blissfully unaware that inside one peaceful room, someone was quietly letting go of an entire life.
I lowered my gaze again.
"Also..." I forced another smile.
"...please don’t tell them about me."
Aria’s eyes widened.
"If possible..." I laughed softly. "...let Celia disappear."
My chest tightened painfully as I continued, the words slipping out slower this time, as though each one had to pass through a certain pain and heaviness before reaching my voice.
"...Maybe..." I said quietly, almost hesitantly at first, as if I were still testing the truth of it myself. "...maybe they’re really coming for you."
Aria blinked, her expression shifting immediately into confusion, her brows drawing together as she tried to follow my thought process.
"...What?"
A soft laugh escaped me, but it didn’t carry any ease. It was subdued, uncertain, like I used to cover up the pressure building inside my chest rather than real amusement.
I looked down briefly before forcing myself to meet her eyes again. "May I ask you for a favor... just one last time, Aria?"
That alone changed something in her expression.
Her posture straightened slightly, while her eyes softened that suggested she already didn’t like where this was going.
After a moment of silence, she answered carefully, "...Yes."
I took a slow breath, letting it settle in my lungs before speaking again.
My fingers curled together loosely, grounding myself through the motion.
When I finally spoke, my voice was quieter, but steady.
"Please take my memories with you. All of them. I don’t want you to be burdened by confusion or fragments that don’t belong to you. Just take everything I’ve carried here... and when you do, live freely. Live as Aria Valen. Not as someone trying to live by everyone else’s expectations."
My throat tightened slightly, but I continued anyway, because stopping felt more frightening than speaking.
"Love whoever you want to love. Choose what you want without hesitation. Don’t let anyone dictate your life again. Just... live."
A pause lingered between us, heavier than I expected, before I added more softly, "...And please don’t tell them about me."
Aria’s head lifted immediately.
"...Celia?"
I gave her a small smile, though it felt distant, like I was watching myself from somewhere slightly removed.
"I’ve already decided," I said gently, trying to sound certain even as my chest felt strangely tight. "The next full moon... I’ll marry Aelith."
The words didn’t feel like surrender. They felt like acceptance of something I had slowly come to understand over these past days.
"He isn’t perfect," I continued quietly, "but he’s not cruel either. He’s... just misunderstood. Everything he’s done, he’s done because he believes it’s necessary. Because he believes something important is at stake."
My gaze lowered briefly before returning to her. "He needs me right now, Aria."
A faint, almost bittersweet smile touched my lips.
"And if I stay... if I accept him... maybe I can help him stop before he becomes something worse. Maybe I can be the thing that steadies him."
I exhaled slowly as the weight of my own words settled into place.
"And you can go back to your life. The life you deserve. I’ll make sure nothing binds you here anymore."
My voice softened further, almost gentle now. "I’ll just... stay where I’m needed."
The silence that followed shattered abruptly.
The chair scraped sharply against the floor as Aria stood in one sudden motion, her composure breaking in an instant.
"...What?"
Her voice cracked with disbelief, sharp and unguarded.
"No. No, absolutely not."
She shook her head quickly, as though rejecting the very idea physically.
"What about Sebastian? What about Ren? Ezekiel? Sir Matthias?" Her voice rose, trembling now as urgency slipped through every word.
"They are all looking for you. They are risking everything for you. Do you understand that? They are fighting for you."
Before I could respond, she dropped down in front of me, kneeling so quickly it startled me.
Her hands reached for mine, gripping them tightly in desperation.
"And you are telling me you will simply leave them behind?" she asked, voice shaking. "You call this peace?"
Her grip tightened slightly as she searched my face, trying to understand something I wasn’t sure I could explain properly.
"Celia... this is not sacrifice," she said more softly now, but no less firmly. "This is you choosing to disappear from your own life."
But I only let out a slow breath, my fingers gently squeezing hers back in reassurance, as though I had already made peace with what I was about to say.
"No..." I said quietly. "It’s not like that. Aelith isn’t... wrong. He’s just been alone for too long. And if I leave him, I don’t think he’ll ever recover from it. I think I might be the only thing keeping him from becoming someone truly dangerous."
My gaze softened slightly as conviction formed within me which felt strangely unfamiliar.
"And I don’t want him to become that. If I can stay... if I can help him... then maybe I can change that ending too."
I hesitated for a brief second before adding, almost like a final truth I had accepted for myself,
"...And besides, they aren’t looking for me. They’re looking for you."
(End of Flashback)
