His Secret Slave to Scandalous Queen

Chapter 235: Look Inside Yourself

"You are making Richard the price of my love." she accused him.

Henry looked back at her, pained. "No. I am asking you what I am supposed to do with the part of me that wants him punished."

Livia moved closer. Her hand rose and settled against his chest. "You are not struggling with your darkness, Henry...You are struggling with your light. This should not be a question of what I think you should do. Nor what I might give you if you choose mercy. You already know what the darker voice wants. What does the better one say?"

His gaze lowered to her mouth with helpless longing. "What do I need to do?"

Livia understood the question beneath the words. What must I do to make you stay? What must I sacrifice to be loved?

In that instant, she realised what power she held, and the knowledge frightened her. If she leaned into him, if she gave herself to him completely, he would summon Richard back.

For Richard’s life, what would she not do? The awful truth also was that some part of her wanted to ease him, wanted to touch the grief in him and make it quiet.

"Look inside yourself," she said. "Find the light everyone swears they have seen in you. Bella. Stephen. Even Richard. They believe their king is good, kind. Merciful."

"And you?" he asked. "What do you see?"

Livia looked up at him. "I see a tortured king. I do not know all the reasons for it but I know they did not begin with me. I may be part of your pain now, but I am not the root of it. I wish I could ease it," she whispered. "I wish I could take away whatever burns inside you. But I do not know where to begin."

Her eyes fell to his lips. She leaned in a fraction.

"Am I the one changing you," he asked quietly, "or does Whitehall have something in its water?"

Livia blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You are seducing me, Livia." Henry looked down at her hand still resting against his chest, then lifted his gaze to hers in sadness. He recognised a bargain disguised as tenderness. "I find that suspicious. Do you believe giving yourself to me will motivate me?"

Livia pulled her hand away as if his doublet had burned her. "I am doing no such thing."

Henry tilted his head. "Then if I choose not to summon Richard back, you would still let me touch you tonight?" His sad smile deepened when she said nothing. "Ah."

"I did not say that."

"You did not need to."

Livia stepped back, but Henry followed with determination. "Answer me plainly...Will Richard’s name still hang above our bed like a curse?"

"No, Your Majesty."

"Then stop moving."

Livia stilled. Her heart hammered in her chest. She had thought herself brave enough to do this. Brave enough to give him the certainty he craved if it meant saving Richard from whatever fury France might unleash. He saw the sacrifice and refused to be fooled by it. "I know you will do the right thing...I know it."

"Do you?"

"Yes." She swallowed. "I feel it in my bones."

"Then why try to help my conscience along with your body?"

Heat rushed to her face. "I was not—"

"Livia. This is the first time you have touched me willingly since you came back to me. The first time you have looked at me as though you might want me." His eyes searched hers. "Do you think I would not notice the timing?"

Her throat tightened. A lie sat ready on her tongue. She could tell him he was imagining things, that Whitehall made him suspicious everyone. "Fine," she said, her voice breaking. "Yes. Yes, I thought giving in might work in Richard’s favour."

He gave a faint laugh. "I am impressed...Your seduction skills have improved." He turned away and crossed to the table where an ewer and basin had been set. He poured water over his hands slowly.

Livia stood behind him, unable to speak. Henry dried his hands with a linen cloth and remained facing the table for a moment longer.

"I am going to bring Richard back." he said turning back to her.

Livia stared at him. "You are?"

"Yes. Once Lionel’s inquiries are complete and I know exactly what we are facing with France, I shall go myself."

The relief vanished. "Yourself?"

"Yes."

"Why would you go yourself?"

"He will have to make the choice himself."

Henry looked at her steadily. "He will decide whether to return alive to England or remain in France and risk dying there. I will not carry the whole burden of his fate while he carries none of the cost of his choices."

"Henry, please."

"I will not burden myself with deciding the right or wrong thing. It is his choice."

Livia gave a small, disbelieving laugh. "You already knew what you were going to do before I came in here."

His eyes met hers, steady and unashamed, and the confirmation sat there between them.

Livia’s mouth fell open. "You are so... so..." She threw up her hands, too angry to find a word grand enough for him. "Ugh."

"A devastating argument."

"You did the same thing at Covent Garden," she snapped. "You knew what would happen. You had already made your decision. I walked into a trap I did not even know you were setting."

"I do think five moves ahead, Livia," he said. "It is why the inside of my head is such a God-forsaken mess."

"That explains a great deal."

"But I did not set you a trap. I knew Richard. I knew what he would do. I knew what I would have to do in answer. And yes, I knew you hated me enough to throw caution into the Thames."

Livia’s anger stumbled because it was true.

Wretched man.

Henry stepped closer.

"Is this how it is going to be with us?" Livia asked. "You baiting me at every opportunity?"