His Secret Slave to Scandalous Queen

Chapter 230: I Made The Right Decision

The stammer surprised her.

"I did not come to ask anything of you," he said.

"Then why are you here?"

"To see you."

"That is all?"

"To remind myself that even if you never want me, I made the right decision."

Livia’s expression hardened. "Did you? Tabitha says choosing me places you against the realm...It places me against it too. every person in England will believe I destroyed a royal marriage for ambition."

"You did nothing."

"This is not what I wanted," Livia said.

Henry took one step towards her, then stopped, leaving the distance hers to close or keep. "I know."

"You walked away from the altar because your heart demanded it. That may have freed you, but it has chained me more tightly."

"I cannot leave the throne," he said. "If I could lay it down, I would. I would leave the crown. Livia, believe me. I would give it up too if I could."

"I would never ask that of you," Livia said. "Why would I? Henry, I would never ask you to abandon the throne." She hurried back as he started to cross the room again.

He halted as soon as he saw her retreat. "I will wait, Livia...I promise I will. Until I have paid for every sin I committed against you. Until you can look at me again as you did on our last night in the house on Wood Street."

That memory was a door she kept barred. The night before everything broke.

"Henry, please," she whispered. "Please."

"Why do you refuse to remember it?" His voice was aching. "Let me help you remember...Let me remind you what we were before I became the one you had to escape. The moments were few but in them, I was the happiest man in England. Why, Livia? Why will you not let yourself remember?"

"Because you ruined it!" she snapped, her tears spilling over.

His face crumpled. "I know...I know I hurt you. I know. I would spend the rest of my life begging forgiveness, Livia. Just do not make me be without you."

"If I can never forgive Nicholas Beaumont," Livia asked, her voice trembling, "why would you expect me to forgive you? You did not sell me," she continued, forcing the words out. "You did not trade me like Nicholas did. But I am still not free. I am your captive, Your Majesty."

"You told me not to say it," he said.

Livia frowned through her tears. "What?"

"The first thing you asked when I entered. You begged me not to say it. You know my heart, even when you wish you did not. You would be no man’s captive," Henry said. "Not even mine. If you became my wife, I would not own you."

Livia’s lips trembled. "I cannot."

"Do not answer me yet. Do not." His voice cracked. "Please. If you mean to refuse me, do not say it. I cannot hear it."

Her tears fell freely then. He moved closer once more, careful enough to give her time to step away. She did not. "I only want you to see me again," he whispered. "Just me. Just Henry. The man who loves you." His fingers lifted to her face. "Livia..." he sighed torturously as his mouth hovered close to hers.

Livia’s heart thundered violently. "Henry..." she cried.

Henry stood close enough that his breath warmed her lips, yet he still waited. "Please," he whispered. "You have to remember me."

Her tears blurred him. Henry moved even nearer, slowly, praying without words that she would close the last distance herself.

"We may not be fire and storm, Livia," he said, his voice rough. "Perhaps we were never meant to be. But we were peace. When I was with you, I could breathe. You cured something in me I did not know had been rotting. You healed shame I had carried for so long."

Livia closed her eyes. The memories pressed forward. His laughter against her neck. The way he had looked at her when he was inside her. She fought the images with everything she had.

"How do I live without that?" Henry asked.

"Henry, stop."

"Do not stand here and lie to me. Do not tell me I meant nothing to you."

A sob caught in her throat. His hand settled at her waist.

"Darling," he breathed. "It will always be you. Forgive me...Forgive me for not being able to let you go. Forgive me for lying to you. Forgive me for not taking you from that cursed place the first time I saw you. Forgive me for breathing easier when you are near. Forgive me for burdening you with me."

"Forgive me for the sins I have not yet committed. Forgive me for this..." Henry closed the sliver of distance between their lips and kissed her.

It took a moment before Livia answered him. A small, trembling moment in which every sensible thought in her head raised objections. Then her resistance loosened, because some buried part of her finally stopped pretending it had never felt anything for him.

She opened to him slowly. The kiss deepened, and the room seemed to fall away around them. There was only the warmth of his mouth, the desperation in the way he held her, and the salt of her tears between them.

Livia cried harder. The kiss reminded her of what she had worked so fiercely to bury. She had not forgotten. She had locked those memories away.

Henry kissed her as if he understood it. His hand cradled the back of her neck, his thumb resting just beneath her ear as he tilted her face upward. Livia’s palms pressed against his chest.

Their mouths moved together, deeper, urgent. The intimacy of it stole her breath. Henry drew her closer with helpless need.

He did not want to rush this fragile mercy. His other hand slipped from her waist to her shoulder, his fingers brushed the edge of her gown and eased the fabric lower, baring the curve of her shoulder.