Chapter 192: I Do Not Really Remember
Jane had taught her how to touch, how to undo a man, how to fuck. Where to place her mouth. How to use her hands.
"How was it? Your first time?"
Livia’s memory opened. Henry’s face. His hands. The heat. The tenderness. The sweetness of wanting him. "Eish..." Livia breathed. "I have not let myself think of it in so long, out of respect for the Duke. But I remember..." She stopped.
It would be safer not to remember. She shook her head.
"I do not really remember."
"I do. I remember being brought to the palace by the Queen Mother. I remember being dressed until I hardly recognised myself, then taken to see His Majesty."
Livia said nothing. She knew too well what it meant to be prepared for a man’s gaze. The gown she wore now still sat low, the shawl Bella had given her doing little to disguise what the bodice had been designed to reveal.
Bella glanced at her then, and a faint, wicked spark returned to her eyes. "One thing about the King, though..." She leaned closer, lowering her voice to a scandalised whisper. "He loves bosoms."
Livia stared at her and laughed. Bella’s face flushed with both embarrassment and triumph. "Yes," Livia said, looking pointedly at Bella’s chest, "you are quite gifted in that area."
Bella gasped and pressed both hands to her bodice. "Diana." She tried to look offended, but laughter ruined the attempt. "My life was simpler before I came to the palace," Bella said after a moment.
The sadness in her voice made Livia’s amusement settle.
"I wish I could say the same," Livia replied gently. "But do you not have a choice to leave?"
Bella looked away. "The King offered me my freedom...I did not take it."
"Why?"
"You would not understand."
Bella was right. Perhaps Livia could not understand why any woman would remain where she had been hurt if a door had truly been opened before her.
She was about to answer when a voice came from behind them.
"Ladies?"
Both women jumped. Bella startled so violently that she almost grabbed Livia’s arm, her whole body jerking as though danger had stepped out of the dark. Livia turned sharply, startled rather than frightened, and saw Henry standing a short distance away.
Livia noticed how badly Bella was trembling and glanced down at her with concern.
"Your Majesty..." Bella recovered quickly, though her voice still trembled. She rose at once, smoothing her skirts, then reached to help Livia stand.
Henry’s gaze softened briefly on Bella before returning to Livia. He stood half in shadow, half in moonlight. The robe hung open, exposing the strong, hard lines of his body. "May I steal her from you for a little while, Lady Bella?" Henry asked gently. "I give you my word I shall bring her back."
Bella turned to Livia first. That small act struck Livia more deeply than it should have. In a palace where everyone bowed to Henry’s will, Bella looked to her as though her permission mattered more to her than his crown.
For that alone, Livia offered her a small smile. Bella lowered her gaze, curtsied to the King, and stepped away from the pavilion.
Then Livia was alone with Henry. She kept her gaze lowered, focusing on the gravel beneath her slippers, the hem of his robe, anything but his face.
Henry was quiet for a moment. He wanted her to look up. But she would not give him that simply because he wished it. "I wanted to show you something."
"What is that?"
"It is not far," he said. "Though we may have to walk there together. Is that all right?"
Livia lifted her eyes then, meeting his at last. "Do I have a choice?" she asked.
Henry swallowed. Yes. He deserved that. Still, the accusation wounded him. "I have always given you a choice, Livia...Have I not?"
The moonlight touched the exposed line of her throat, the curve of her breasts beneath the shawl, the dark fall of her lashes as she watched him with that guarded stillness he hated. She looked so beautiful that he ached.
"Do you truly not remember?" he asked. "Or did you bury all of it to make space for another man?"
Anger flashed in her eyes then.
"Were you eavesdropping?" she asked.
Henry straightened a little, grasping for dignity. "A king does not eavesdrop."
Livia raised a brow. God help him, even that small gesture stirred memory. Once, she had looked at him so in the market. He had wanted her then. He wanted her now. "What do you call it, then?" she asked.
Henry’s mouth tightened. "I was coming to find you. And I may have heard a few things while waiting for you and Lady Bella to finish your conversation. It was accidental."
Livia sighed and looked past him into the shadowed path. "Where are we headed?"
He held out his hand. Livia looked down at it. The pause stretched between them. His hand remained open, empty, waiting. Hers stayed curled in the shawl.
"Do I have to take it?" she asked.
Henry tightened his lips. "Your choice."
"Then thank you, Your Majesty," Livia said, folding her hands neatly before her, "but I shall simply follow where you lead."
Henry’s hand remained suspended between them for one breath too long before he lowered it. He nodded once and turned down the path. He had not expected her to take his hand. But hope had still lifted itself inside him.
They walked in silence for several steps. Livia remained behind him. Henry slowed.
"It will be difficult to speak with you if you insist on walking behind me," he said.
"We do not have to speak, Your Majesty." Her voice was calm. "I would not wish to deprive you of the peace and quiet."
"You are my peace and quiet," he said.
Livia looked at his back. The man truly believed she would forgive him someday.
(Brought to you by Missy Dionne 2/2)
