Chapter 307: Scott, Dark Elf, and Philly
The black GT-R tore down the highway.
Scott held the steering wheel with a relaxed grip as he kept his eyes on the road ahead.
Ashgate Supermax was located somewhere close to Philadelphia. Seeing as Metro City was somewhere in southern New England and New Jersey, he’d have to use the New Jersey Turnpike to get down there.
The place they were headed sat right across the Delaware River, meaning they’d travel entirely through the state of New Jersey before crossing a major bridge straight into Philly.
The roads were quite snowy thanks to winter, but Scott wasn’t worried. With the quick push of a button on his modified dashboard, the GT-R automatically equipped its winter tires that allowed it to move with ease.
"Man, I knew that’d come in handy. This is exactly like that one 8.8 rated episode of Galactic Legends!"
Scott glanced over at the passenger seat with a grin.
"The one where Star-Master and Guacamora were flying through an asteroid belt. She’s panicking, looking at the radar like ’there’s no hope, we’re gonna crash!’, but then Star-Master just smiles, hits a switch, and equips the repulsion shields!"
Dark Elf sat perfectly still in her seat, ignoring him as she stared blankly out the window.
Maybe she’d find a dog or anything more interesting than whatever he was saying.
To Scott, her silence was a green light to keep talking.
If Gwen liked the show then so should she!
"And the best part? The shields didn’t just bounce the asteroids away, they actually absorbed the kinetic energy to recharge the ship’s main laser! So when the space-pirates ambushed them right after the belt, boom! One shot and the pirate mothership went boom! It was sooo~ sick."
Dark Elf let out a long, slothful yawn.
"Just drive, bro..."
She muttered in her usual lifeless voice.
Scott squeezed his face like a greedy, little goblin.
"Nyeh nyeh nyeehh... just drive... breeuhh..."
Dark Elf sluggishly turned her head toward him but her blank expression didn’t change.
"Did you just mock me?" (¬_¬)
"Ahem!"
Scott cleared his throat loudly, puffing his chest up as he gripped the steering wheel with both hands and looked straight ahead.
"I have no idea what you’re talking about."
Honestly, it was a pretty boring drive. Dark Elf didn’t really say much of anything, which made Scott feel a little restless for most of the trip. Whenever he glanced over at her, she’d instantly sense he was trying to tell her another fun fact about Philadelphia and tiredly look away. If he smiled at her to try and lighten the mood, those half-lidded red eyes of hers would look even deader, as if his mere being there was actively bothering her.
Dark Elf really is a strange one.
It honestly made him wonder how someone as loud as Gwen could be best friends with her.
"Tch... my fun facts are fun..."
If Brigid were here she’d be writing them down.
Soon, the snowy scenery began to fly past as they drove past all sorts of quiet places like Bordentown, Florence, Burlington, and Willingboro.
Scott let out a small yawn of his own.
The monotony of the highway was finally getting to him.
"Oh yeah... I’ve been meaning to ask. How’d you and Gwen even become friends anyway? I know it happened during the whole Blue Garden Hotel thing, but—"
"No..." Dark Elf interrupted dully.
"Eh?" Scott blinked.
"You plan to use that story to get close to me. You want to build some sort of romantic relationship during this roadtrip. Then we’ll probably stop at some random gas station and have sex crazy monkey style then ask for weird sex stuffs in bed like Emma... not happening."
It was hard not to take her serious.
That monotone voice and dull face of hers never failed to kill any jokes she tried to tell.
"...I’m serious..."
She said like she could read his mind.
Scott’s brow lifted high into his hairline.
"Huh? I don’t wanna sleep with you!"
"You do."
"Do not."
"Do."
"Not."
"Do."
"Not!"
"Not..." Dark Elf said.
"Do—NO! Shit!" Scott hit his fist on the console.
He fell for the oldest trick in the book.
Dark Elf let out a very lifeless laugh that sounded exactly like a quietly dying chicken.
"See. You want to sleep with me. But I won’t let you do it, because I love the way you try to hide your perverted face and act like some saint when you’re looking at my tummy muscles and scars."
She gently caressed her abs.
"...I know your weakness..."
There was slight seduction in her voice that one time.
Or maybe Scott was just hearing it.
Scott cleared his throat and kept his eyes ahead.
"That is just a fat lie."
Dark Elf groaned sluggishly as she elegantly shifted her curvy body in the seat.
"Fat like my ass, right?"
"Uh-huh. No, no WAIT!"
Scott panicked, waving a hand.
She gave him a very lifeless smile, the bare minimum of a smirk, looking incredibly proud that she had caught him in her little trap... again.
Scott sighed heavily, shaking his head.
"Fuck you."
"...You wish..."
She turned back to the window.
At some point, Scott decided to split off the Turnpike and hop onto Interstate 295 South, since the snow on the main highway was getting a bit too disruptive and seriously slowing down their progress.
"Interstate 295 South Fun Fact number 50: Did you know that it actually connects major industrial hubs while bypassing the heavier city traffic?"
She must totally be into this. That’s what he thought.
"Uh-huh..." ꜀( ꜆-ࡇ-)꜆
Dark Elf replied with a dead stare as she watched the snowy river towns pass by.
"And another thing, Camden County was actually formed back in 1844 from parts of Gloucester County, if you ask me that’s the real bite."
He laughed oddly like a Dad after telling a "good" joke.
"Wow... fascinating..." said an uninterested elf.
Around the time they finally and thankfully crossed into Camden County, the temperature inside the car must have been a bit warm for her, because Dark Elf casually took off her black crop hoodie to let her hefty breasts bounce out enticingly.
She has to let her big babies breathe.
She was still wearing her tight black sports bra, but with no hoodie, Scott could clearly see her big, pointy nipples pressing against it, really getting a full view of just how large her breasts were in general.
She really did have a perfect body. Slender arms defined by lean muscles, faint sword scars cutting across her biceps and her chiseled six-pack abs, and a banging chest that pushed out like twin cannons each time she took a small breath or stretched.
Scott swallowed hard, looking away like he’d actually stay strong before looking back.
"Uhh... isn’t it a bit cold for you?"
Dark Elf lazily locked her fingers together and pushed her arms above her head to stretch.
"When I was on a high-paying job in Siberia to eliminate a high-ranking arms dealer, I had to survive in a frozen trench for four days without a coat to avoid thermal detection. My body got used to the sub-zero temperatures. The cold doesn’t bother me anymore."
Scott was trying his best to listen to her story, but the way the cold air in the car made her nipples stand out was completely mind-blowing. If those nipples of hers twitched just a little bit more, he was certain they’d poke holes right through the black sports bra.
Dark Elf was still stretching her arms toward the roof of the GT-R when she noticed the intense way he was staring at her robust chest.
"Huh? Is anything wrong?"
Her dull expression softened just a fraction.
Scott cleared his throat roughly, instantly snapping his head back toward the road.
"Of course not."
Dark Elf narrowed her eyes at him. "Weirdo."
Scott fake-sneezed to cover up his embarrassment as he grumbled under his breath.
『This bitch!』 ಠ_ಠ
They continued down the highway, driving past Cherry Hill before finally entering the Moorestown area.
Suddenly, Dark Elf sat up a bit.
"Stop here."
"Huh? Why?"
"I want... souvenirs... Gwen..."
She kept it dull and plain. Her favorite flavor.
Scott frowned, checking the dashboard clock.
"We have to get to Maya quickly, though. Shouldn’t we just keep going like this?"
Dark Elf slowly lowered her head as her slender shoulders dropped a bit.
"Sure..."
It was honestly impossible for Scott to tell if she was actually sad or not, since this woman never smiled or showed real emotion. But the fact that she’d lowered her head like that must mean she was upset, right? There was no Dr. Goode around to help him understand the women in his life this time, so he had to make the right call on his own.
Naturally, he chose what wanted.
If that would make her happy then he’s satisfied.
"Alright, fine."
Scott sighed, pulling the car into a local shopping strip.
"We can get some souvenirs. And maybe something to eat while we’re at it, yeah?"
Dark Elf pumped her fist exactly once with a blank and utterly expressionless face.
"Yosh. I’ll handle it." (⸝⸝╸-╺⸝⸝)
She unbuckled her seatbelt and stepped right out of the GT-R into the freezing winter air. It was only then that Scott realized she’d also taken off her ash cargo pants and gear straps while they were driving. She wasn’t even wearing her boots! She was standing out there in just her sports bra and a pair of tight black panties.
This woman was walking barefoot across the icy concrete like a penguin in the winter cold.
Looking at her now, Scott realized Dark Elf was almost like a simple-minded baby who just did and said whatever she wanted at any given moment... though she could also kill a man like a cold, heartless machine, so there was that.
He sighed and quickly hurried out of the car after her.
Inside the cozy souvenir shop, the old man behind the counter stood frozen and his jaw dropped flat as he stared at the door. Dark Elf had just walked in, standing there with her hands resting on her perfectly round hips as she gave him a deadpan stare.
She opened her mouth. "Can I have some souve—"
Before she could even finish, the old man panicked and threw a massive burlap sack of random souvenirs right at her face.
Dark Elf didn’t even flinch, smoothly catching the heavy bag in her arms without breaking her flat stare. She expected the look of annoyance on her face to make the bewitched old man apologize, completely unaware that her expression hadn’t changed at all.
She still looked entirely dead inside.
Dark Elf tilted her head. "How mu—"
"It’s for free, my chocolate goddess!"
The old man shouted, his eyes wide and starstruck.
Right then, Scott rushed into the store and gave Dark Elf a gentle chop to the top of her head.
"Ow..." she muttered dully.
"What are you doing?!" Scott whispered loudly.
He quickly stripped off his beige overcoat and threw it over her bare shoulders, leaving himself wearing only his baggy white hoodie.
He turned to the frozen shopkeeper and bowed.
"I am so, so sorry about this!"
Without wasting another second, Scott grabbed Dark Elf from behind by the waistband of her sports panties and dragged her backward out of the store. She didn’t even fight back, letting herself be hauled away like a lost, confused dog being pulled by its collar.
A few moments after they left, the old man’s wife walked out from the backroom, wiping her hands on an apron. She frowned when she saw her husband staring blankly at the door.
"What are you doing out of your chair, Harold?"
The old man blinked with a heaving chest.
"I... I just saw a hot chocolate mama with the most perfect body, woman."
The wife let out a loud, tired sigh.
"It must be your Alzheimer’s. No one has even come into the store all morning."
"I know what I saw!" the old man shouted defensively.
"Okay, okay..."
The wife said, rolling her eyes.
"And what did this hot choco mama buy, then?"
"Souvenirs, duh."
The wife walked over to the counter and checked the digital register of anything.
"Well, there’s nothing on the records here. Unless she was so hot that you gave them away for free, knowing fully well we’re broke with three kids currently in college."
The old man paused and sweat a bit as he looked at the empty shelf where the bag used to be.
"Yeah... it must be the Alzheimer’s, honey."
The wife nodded sympathetically, grabbing his arm.
"Come on, let’s lead you back inside."
...
Back in the warmness of the GT-R, Scott hit the gas and gladly left Moorestown behind as they quickly passed through Haddonfield and Pennsauken.
Unfortunately for Scott, the quiet part of the ride was officially over. For almost the entire duration of this specific stretch, Dark Elf was constantly reaching into the burlap sack like it was a magic sack and pulling out random items to show him.
"Look at this..."
She said in her usual plain, boring voice as she held up a small snow globe.
"It has a really cute, tiny lighthouse inside. Gwen likes shiny things. She will put this on her nightstand and look at it when she’s bored."
Scott kept his eyes on the road, nodding slowly.
"Cool, cool."
"...And look at this one..."
She shoved a miniature wooden liberty bell into his peripheral vision.
"It makes a high-pitched ringing sound when you shake it. It will annoy Emma when Gwen shakes it during breakfast. This is a good item... ten over ten."
She talked about every single piece of plastic and wood in that exact same flat tone, going on and on for almost half an hour. Scott’s ears were practically ringing. For the first time in his life, he was starting to realize exactly how annoying he must’ve been to her when he was geeking out over Galactic Legends and shouting random roadtrip fun facts.
Karma really was a swift bastard.
Scott rested the back of his head against the headrest and let out a miserable groan.
"Man... this is gonna be a long drive."
Suddenly, Dark Elf slothfully shoved a rubber Jersey Devil keychain right into his face.
"Woah—careful!"
It nearly poked him in the eye.
But Dark Elf didn’t seem to care about that.
"Look at this one. It feels squishy and nice. Gwen will like it because—"
"I see it, I see it."
Scott said with a painful smile as he gently pushed her hand away so he could see the highway.
"That’s great, Elf. Really."
There were many snow miles left to go.
But Scott really, really wanted this roadtrip to be over.
"Aiyaahhh, the things I do for love." (ᵕ—ᴗ—)
