Chapter 58: Letting Out My Mind.
I honestly can’t believe this is happening to me. I am having four pups. 4. There are four actual living things inside this belly of mine right now. I know the doctor said they are still only the size of tiny peas, but I can’t stop my mind from racing forward. How is that even possible? How are 4 pups supposed to grow inside me? I am just one person. I only have so much space, and the math just isn’t adding up in my head.
I kept thinking about it, my eyes fixed on the person right beside me. She didn’t seem to have a single worry in the world. She was still busy smiling, her thumbs flying across her phone screen as she texted person after person. The very first person she called was her oldest brother, Adam. I could hear him on the other end complaining that he was right in the middle of a serious meeting, but he still stayed on the line to listen to her announcement. He congratulated her, sounding surprised but proud.
Then she called her Gramps. He sounded more than just a bit happy. He told her she needed to bring me around one of these days for a family dinner so they could start making plans. Plans. That was a word I really didn’t want to hear or know about right now. After that, she tried to call Leo. He didn’t pick up the phone, but I watched her immediately fire off a text to him. And now, I’m pretty sure she just posted the picture of the ultrasound on her Insta and the school feed. I could see the notifications already flooding in. It was getting a ridiculous amount of likes and comments from everyone we knew.
This girl hasn’t noticed my angry face for a single second since the moment we stepped out of that hospital room. We were out in the parking lot now. She climbed into the driver’s side of the car, but she finally realized I wasn’t getting in. She hopped back out and finally took a good, long look at my face.
"What happened to you? Why the long face?" she asked. She was standing by the driver’s side door while I just stood there by the passenger side, rooted to the spot.
"So now you realize that I am having a long face, huh?" I said. My voice was sharper than I intended, but I couldn’t help it.
"What is wrong with you? Why the tone, Omega? Are you not happy about the news? I know, right? I was secretly expecting more than four, but I am still very happy with this."
"No, I am not happy," I snapped. "I can’t believe you are having such a good time right now. Because I am definitely not having it."
I didn’t wait for her to respond. I just yanked the car door open, climbed inside, and slammed it shut with as much force as I could muster. It took her a few seconds of standing there in the sun before she finally got back into the car herself.
"Hey, why are you not having a good time?" she asked, her voice softer now. "This is good news, Faye. It’s a blessing. You should be happy."
"It may be good news to you, but to me, it feels like it’s going to be a nightmare," I told her. The frustration was bubbling up in my throat. "The other day, the maternal teacher made me watch a video of how a pup actually comes out. I watched the entire fucking thing. And that woman, she even replayed the worst parts. I just can’t believe how that one single pup came out from the vagina. And now you’re telling me four are going to do that? My vagina will never be the same. My body will never be the same. My entire life will never be the same. You are just sitting there happy, smiling about how you are going to play with them and be a mom, but don’t you think for a second that I am the one who is going to be the one in actual pain?"
The words spilled out of me before I could even think about stopping them. My chest felt tight, like I couldn’t get enough air into my lungs. Everything just felt like way too much to handle all at once. I tried to focus on settling my breathing, staring straight ahead through the windshield.
Princess was silent. The silence stretched out, filling the small space of the car. Her smile faded. It didn’t just slip; it disappeared completely. She turned back toward the steering wheel and stayed quiet for a long moment, her hands resting on the leather.
"I’m sorry," she finally said. "I didn’t think about you. I was so overjoyed by the idea that I am having four pups that I didn’t think about the one who is actually the person carrying them. I know it’s going to be stressful. I know it’s going to be painful. I can’t do anything to change that, even though I really do wish I could share your pain. But I promise I will be there in every single moment to help you through it. That is why I am taking the class too. I rescheduled all my daily activities just to make sure I have time for it. I’ve been reading more books about babies than I ever have about anything else. Omega, you are not alone in this. I am right here."
After hearing her say those words, I felt a tiny bit of the weight lift. A tiny bit of relief. I don’t know if it was the part where she said she wished she could share the physical pain with me, or the part where she promised I wasn’t alone. It was probably both.
I can’t believe I am actually saying this, even to myself, but Eriko was right about her. She can be nice when she wants to be. She does know exactly what to say sometimes to make things feel a little less like a disaster.
But she is still incredibly annoying. And I still can’t get over the fact that all of this is technically her fault. I am growing four little pups inside of me because of her.
After she spent a while calming me down and making sure I wasn’t about to have a total meltdown in the parking lot, she offered to take me somewhere else today. It was a Sunday tradition for her, apparently. She wanted to go paintballing.
But I wasn’t the only one she had invited along for the ride. Beam was there, and Malo too. And then there was her girlfriend, Kiara. Out of everyone, Kiara was the one I liked the least. She always seemed to be just pretending to like me for Princess’s sake, and I could feel the fake energy coming off her in waves.
