For Better, For Worse: The Serpent's Contract Wife

Chapter 124: War Of The Mind

[Music: War Of Hearts (Violin) By Joel Sunny]

I drew in sharp breaths to calm myself. The least I could do was just push everything else and get this over with.

No, I can’t do that.

I opened my eyes and met the curtains in front of me, just waiting to be raised to reveal the stage.

Maybe I shouldn’t push but feel them because that was the only way to ground myself. Or I could. Besides, I have worked on pushing it aside ever since the rehearsal, and I have done wonderfully well. No pressure.

God, what am I even thinking? I can’t even keep track of that.

"You good?" Chris asked next to me.

He was all dashing in his costume, but I can’t keep details at the moment.

I shook my head. "I don’t think I can do this."

His face morphed into worry as he looked behind me as if to call someone.

"No, no, that’s not what I mean. I mean, I feel like I don’t wanna do this..."

"Hey, Ana. Just breathe, I understand if you’re getting cold feet. It’s okay, I did too during my first time."

"R-really?"

He chuckled. "Believe me. It’s perfectly normal."

That’s a relief, except there was nothing normal in my situation. I was close to my breaking point, and the bridge had gotten thinner at the worst time possible.

"A piece of advice."

I looked at Chris.

"Dance like it’s the last time in the spotlight."

"Does that help?"

"It helped me, but it can for you. It’s not just about going in there and showing them how talented you are; it’s about showing what you feel."

Showing what I feel.

"Trust me, you don’t wanna see how I feel," I said, facing forward. "I don’t even know how I feel. It’s chaotic in here."

"All the more reason to show them. It shouldn’t be flawless."

"Well, we wouldn’t have spent weeks with rehearsals if it wasn’t meant to be flawless. That was the point of all this..." I circled myself with a finger.

I had completely transformed with all the makeup and all. When I looked at the mirror earlier, I had embodied the role I was set out to play.

"Yes," he replied. "But don’t let it define you."

I nodded when I heard the claps, and then the curtains rose gradually, keeping me in a stage of pending anticipation.

Is Zade gonna be there?

I shouldn’t have had that thought because now all I could think about was him. In fact, I had been ever since my makeup was worked on by the team and my costume was fitted.

Every passing second, my thoughts were about him, like there was nothing else I’d rather have.

The curtains were up completely. My eyes quickly searched the audience as if I could somehow spot Zade at first glance.

I got distracted when Chris took my hand as we stepped forward. We took our pose first.

The music started, and I knew this was no time to think. The sequence began as planned, everything was going smoothly, but right at the beginning, I felt off with myself.

Chris and I did great with our scenes, and it played as expected, but it didn’t resonate as I wanted it. This was how the rehearsal went because I was locking a part of myself to focus the whole time.

However, when it got to this point, I realized that maybe this wasn’t what I needed.

I spun to the center and took my position for the next scene. This part was the one I practiced privately with Mrs. Valmont.

The audience’s attentiveness to just me made me more nervous. I have just three minutes to get myself in order and start with the music, but I wasn’t sure I could.

Two minutes.

My chest rose and fell heavily, my hands almost dropping from the pose.

One minute.

My erratic eyes were all over, and I just wanna bolt. I squeezed my eyes shut. No, Anastasia.

3...

This wasn’t just about dancing.

2...

This was a part of my soul and something I resonated with after the colors of my life drained away.

1...

This wasn’t just about showing what a flawless dancer I was... this was about pouring every heartbreak, every triumph, every shattered piece of myself. This is who I am.

0...

I moved, not to run away or because I couldn’t contain the idea of making a mistake, but because I knew in my heart this was what I should be doing, which was dancing with everything I had.

My emotions were ugly, but I didn’t let that stop me. I didn’t let anything stop me; I surrendered to the things I have tried so hard to fight.

I let myself be taken over, and took control of the stage that was too big for me. I was small in the middle of a world that seemed to move forward while the rest of my world paused, yet I tried to live through it all with everything I had.

I felt something warm on my cheeks and realized that they were tears, but I kept going with more momentum. The more I got pulled in and surrendered to the things that held me back, the more everything unravelled.

My mind flashed to Annabeth. Not the Annabeth I had known growing up, but the one who had been appearing in my head ever since.

My sister in those flashes felt like a stranger. The fury behind those eyes that have always shown me nothing but softness.

That softness was only what I knew but the more I pictured it the more I kept flashing back to that fury.

That fury looked more real.

I’d spent days convincing myself it couldn’t be, that my mind was playing tricks on me. That there had to be another explanation.

What if they were real? What if they had actually happened and somehow I just couldn’t remember?

Those flashes and déjà vu. They didn’t feel imagined.

They felt like memories.