F-Rank Puppeteer!! But I'll be Queen, and I'm not a narcissist!!!!!

Chapter 331: Repetition

"...Y-You’re really not going away, devil?" I ask Evelyn, who’s been living in my house for almost a week now. All she does is lie silently on my bed. Occasionally she vanishes, but she’s always nearby.

And worse, recently I spotted her at my college, and she even watched me being bullied and just stood there observing with a frustrating air of superiority.

"No, I’m not going away, Shizuka. But be happy — I got some good answers. You seem quite suitable for what I’m looking for," she says, holding my diary and spinning it between her fingers. Her tone suggests I should actually be happy about being what she’s "looking for."

"...I-I don’t want to be your toy." Three days ago, she explained that she wants me to become her weapon, a puppet who will fight in a war, kill angels, and serve her. She also said my soul would be cursed.

However, she offers many things: a new chance at life, power, a respected life, a new and fully healthy body, some sort of "Master" who will teach me new things, and she even offered to kill my parents and everyone who bullies me. And though it’s tempting, I’m not going to accept it — she’s the devil!! You have to be a complete fool to accept a deal from a suspicious demon.

"It’s not exactly my toy. I would treat you very well, as far as I’m able. But I understand your caution — it’s good to be cautious. I like that... but hey, your parents’ money is running out, isn’t it? Drinking is what makes them hit you less," she says something I had already noticed.

"Stop!! Stop saying awful things!! Stop putting these thoughts in my head!!" Every time she speaks, it’s obvious things, but awful obvious things that I could ignore if she didn’t keep saying them.

And her voice is so persuasive, and it hurts me in a way that’s just as bad as the bullying, since the bullying and the wounds are momentary, while her words stick in my head.

"You’re just toying with my pain!! You’re even worse than those other ghosts," I yell at her, irritated. The normal ghosts at least just clung to my body and stayed quiet in my room.

"STUPID BRAT, STOP TALKING TO YOURSELF!!" I hear my father shouting, and I flinch immediately, glaring at Evelyn with anger.

"You know, if you want, I can kill him. No one would know a thing. He’d just vanish so fast you wouldn’t even notice," Evelyn says, trying to tempt me into accepting a deal. But of course I’m not going to accept that.

"I-I don’t want that..." I murmur quietly, grabbing my backpack to head to college. It’s my only chance to escape this life. If I can finish my current degree at college, I’ll be able to leave this house — I won’t be trapped with this horrible family anymore.

"It’s almost comical. But do you know an interesting fact about something comical, Shizuka? It’s that comedy and tragedy walk side by side, just like the multifaceted theater masks that show this reality."

"I know what you’re thinking. You think just because you’re studying hard, you’ll become someone in life? You have average grades, no money, no friends, you depend on the parents who hurt you, you don’t have the best health, and worst of all, you’re clinging to a hope that if you can just make it through college, everything will get better. But guess what?"

"It doesn’t get better. Things don’t improve just because you achieved something."

"Q-Quiet!! Y-You could never understand someone like me!!" What could a demon possibly understand about human life and the hope for a better tomorrow?

"Hahaha, how comical. Please, you’ll kill me with laughter!! Of course I understand. After all, I reached both heaven and hell during my journey, and guess what? I, a queen, achieved all my goals and ended up on my goddess’s leash. It’s ironic, isn’t it? Almost comical, but just as tragic."

"’There is no greater sorrow than to recall happy times in misery.’ That line is quite interesting, don’t you think? It comes from the poem Divine Comedy, and to me it makes perfect sense — both with me and with you," she says, quoting a poem I don’t even know.

"Why do you think a demon’s actions could ever move me? I-If you suffered, maybe you deserved it." I don’t need to know the devil’s story.

"..."

"Yes, you are very funny, Shizuka. So I deserved my suffering? That means you also deserve your suffering right now, doesn’t it? If me being a demon makes my suffering just in your head, then you as a human — a pitiful and insignificant being in the universe — also deserve to suffer as much as I do." I get angry at this.

"Th-That has nothing to do with it!! I’ve never done anything wrong!! I—"

"And what did I do wrong, Shizuka?"

"...H-Huh?"

"You know nothing about what I’ve done. So how can you say anything about me? Don’t be a hypocrite. The reality is that suffering just exists, and there’s no greater reason or motive."

"Bad people do evil, powerful people crush the weak, and clever people control the inferior. In the end, we’re all puppets of an inevitable fate."

"So I ask you, Shizuka — what is your fate? To die suffering in this decaying world, or to become my loyal weapon in a better life?... The way I see it, the best choice is obvious, but I understand that the best seems frightening to someone as fragile as you."

"...I-I will never be your weapon." I refuse to be anything she wants. She just wants to use me, like everyone else. She’s no different from anyone — she’s even worse!!

"Never is a strong word. I once said I would never be evil, and look at me now? I kill people without remorse, I’m toxic, jealous, and obsessive with my ’goddess,’ and I’ve hurt people close to me... and now, knowing that, yes, you can try to judge me. But do you know if what I just said is true?"

"...I’m leaving for college... leave me alone." I grab everything I need and glance at the clock.

’Great... I’m going to be late because of this demon...’

"Did you know I overheard your parents talking about selling you to a brothel? Your mother suggested it to your father because money is tight." When she says this, I stop at the door.

"..."

"You’re already of age, and you’re doing well enough in college. Your parents don’t want to lose their punching bag without gaining something from it. They’re saying you’re ungrateful for trying to run away from them after everything they spent on you."

"So they’re planning to sell you by force to someone who’s offering good money."

"SHUT UP!" I spin around, pointing at her.

"YOU’RE LYING, YOU DEVIL!!" I’m furious, because if this is true, it means the entire happy future I planned to have after college is destroyed — the house I wanted, the safe home with food and comfort, maybe future friendships, everything!!

"..."

"You shouldn’t have shouted, Shizuka. Your father is quite drunk... and he had already told you to stop talking ’to yourself,’ and now you screamed," she gives me a look as if she’s seeing a pitiful creature worthy of pity. I swallow hard, hearing the sound of my father’s footsteps followed by the sound of a broken bottle.

"I’m not that cruel, Shizuka. The world is already cruel naturally — I just stopped pretending it isn’t. I’m sorry, but I’m not the type who enjoys the suffering of others. I’ll be back in a few hours. Try not to die." She gives me a wave of her hand as she passes through the wall. Soon I hear the sound of the door opening, and my entire body fills with dread.

...

...

...

"I’m not that cruel, Shizuka. The world is already cruel naturally — I just stopped pretending it isn’t. I’m sorry, but I’m not the type who enjoys the suffering of others. I’ll be back in a few hours. Try not to die," I say to Shizuka as I leave.

Her situation is lamentable and pitiful, but it’s not my fault. I’m not doing evil things to her or making her life worse. All I did was reveal what she tries to ignore.

I merely showed the logical, observable reality that I see, and that she, with her pitiful hope, refuses to see. Of course, I understand her — I understand her very well. I am just as foolish as that girl.

In the past, hope drove me until I became the demon queen, but even with hope, it wasn’t hope that made me win. To become the demon queen, I had to be cruel, manipulative, and methodical.

Just as hope didn’t change Esther. Esther is the same cruel person as always — what changed was that the fear of losing me forever made her a little gentler, and I simply accepted that immutable fact.

Now it’s Shizuka’s turn. If she doesn’t accept that her life is disposable trash and that I can give her something better, then I won’t help. It’s not my obligation. I owe her nothing.

And she doesn’t want my help. So if she wants a deal and I perceive that she will be loyal, I’ll help. But if she wants the deal but isn’t capable of loyalty, then I won’t help her even if she accepts.

For now, all I can do is keep opening her eyes. I didn’t tell a single lie. Her disgusting parents really do want to sell her, since in their eyes she’s only brought "expenses" with no return.

’For now... all I can do is wait and hope she’s smart enough to let go of her pride...’